Getting out of a bad state of mind

Perfect reminder.
Perfect timing!
Thank you.

The initial takeaway I got from this is that, being selfish and looking after yourself is OK. Something I agree with 100%. It's simple but not the easiest to do, especially if you have dependants (both real and imaginary).
But if done well you go from feeling very stretched to feeling a bit more whole and more 'together'.
Well written Derek.

Thx derek! Very very timely for me!! Hope u r well...we r in SG now thx to u

Hooray, another post from Derek! Just forwarded this to a friend. Keep writing. ;-)

Kiaora Derek! I'm so sending this to my sis and I'll DEFS be imprinting that goodness! Big luvs and hugs to you, Saj and bubs :)

Thanks. A glass of water in the desert.

Thanks so much for this. Roommate doesn't do any of this mundane stuff and it's been angering me to the point where I don't do it either! But I'm going to now. I will just ignore him until he is gone.

Hi Derek

Have you heard of Mental Disorder? It's a disease that is finally getting its fair shake at proper recognition. Depression is the main pain. One of my sports radio talk show hosts who I love as a personality suddenly didn't show up for work and I never knew why. He's back at work 5 months later and feeling good but not without sharing what him and so many others go through. The biggest thing about it is that it's not recognized as a head injury or a sickness or a disease. Sounds easy to just say - "Be happy". But unfortunately for those with this it's so much more than that. If you want to know more - feel free to contact me. I sure hope it's not that though. Hope you're feeling better and enjoying every sunrise! I feel I owe a lot to you and your blog and your heart!
Kelly

Derek, the key is to leave the mind, stay in the present moment doing what you enjoy the most, give well being and pleasure to your body like a divine temple and remembering that papers and outside activities,bureaucracy it is not our life, they are external activities. Go to the inner self with meditation, get you calmness, quietness and emptiness and you will find inner peace. Hoping it is adding to your reflections. Musically Anaya

Thank you for this, Derek.

Timely. Thank you :)

Yes sir - absolutely. Your post reminds me to stay the course I've set after reading this book:
http://gregmckeown.com/essentialism-the-disciplined-pursuit-of-less/

A great post and so timely for my current situation! Synchronicity, maybe? Indeed, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

Thanks so much for keeping me on your mailing list.

Wow; this is what I needed to hear/read as I am going through a mental storm right now. Thank you so much for sharing, it helped! :)

Thanks Derek!

Derek,

Love the whole post; especially the idea that both imagined things and remembered things are NOT real. This is a nuance that is really easy to miss but has such a deep and significant impact when one begins to realize and live by it.

xoxo,
Felicia

Good word. I think it's a great necessity, especially if you're having to create things on a regular basis, to keep the fountain running and clean. So things like mundane activities, writing out the things that are bothering you on paper etc. really help that.

A Daoist priest I'm FB friends with said recently that Daoism is all about taking the things you HAVE to do (eating, sleeping, breathing, moving around, etc) and giving them pride of place in your time and energy. This has a way of putting everything else in order.

Good to see a post from you again. Helpful as always. :)

I'm not always sure of methods of happiness and self worth you spell out in your blogs, but I like you...

Thank you so much. Wish I'd had this bit of advice 4 years ago, but I'll be better prepared if there's a next time!

Derek, you have NO idea how timely this post is for my life. The very email before tore my heart in two, the next one I opened was yours. Serendipity at its finest, thank you thank you.

Do you have the patience to wait

till your mud settles and the water is clean?

Can you remain unmoving

till the right action arises by itself?

Tao Te Ching
“I know how to think, to wait, and to fast.” ☺ — Derek

And if you still can't get any distance from your anguish see a psychologist. My psychologist gave me a great new perspective on things, same theories as Derek's, but sometimes you need to go through the motions with someone cheering you on, and helping keep you on track. Especially if you are at all artistic, for some reason, we seam to need a bit more of a push in the right direction.

Derek, in looking at your "healthy new thoughts" reading list, it reminds me of a lesson I learned in college. Simultaneously, I was taking a sociology course on defining oneself in a group situation, and I was part of a group that was creating an original music/dance composition. I learned more about defining my value in a group setting from just working on the theater piece than I did from discussions in the sociology class. For me, taking time to observe carefully does not guarantee success. The act of collaborative creativity, even fraught with conflict and compromise, always yields a satisfying result, even if it is just a difficult lesson learned.

I love this, thank you both for allowing the sharing forward of the idea.
This is much like the oxygen mask routine on the airplane... It is so critical to care for our self so we can continue in our lives to live out the gift we bring to others. We cannot always see when and how we may impact another, but I know when we are true to our personal mission and ourselves our light shines.
Great message... I will be sharing this post for sure!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, really, thanks! This article saved my life.

Thanks Derek! One more thing I would add is, to count the blessings in life. Just making a list of things, this will actually help to realize bad place after-all not that bad!

curious as I have been wading the last few days in those low places, and when I see your name I always remember the first time I saw you speak ages ago when you were promoting CD Baby at some songwriter conference. These were all good foundational reminders, thanks for sharing. Your energy has a great spark, always did. Glad to hear you get to experience parenting and wondering where your work is these days. Peace out

Thank you for sharing this Derek.

Nice piece!
i was just working on a presentation on the power of one before i read this.
The difference between hard work and hard play is often attitude!
The first step to changing a situation is choosing to do so.
Here is a link to a simple tune about this... Sleeping on the wrongside of the bed
http://www.madewellmusic.com/music-32.html

This came on a grey snowy day - deep into January doldrums. Great reminder in a straight froward, real way.
I think often of you all, and hope that you each find balance and nourishment exactly where you are. (Sounds as though you are going about it well!!!)
Love to all three of you,
Nan

Hi Derek,

Great read ! Numbers 3 and 4 were always the hardest for me. Saying no to nonsense and focusing on yourself pretty much go hand and hand. The writer is absolutely correct , you feel a great sense of accomplishment and personal joy when you start to reject negativity in your life.

Peace & Love
Matt

For me, saying "no" to what is not "OMG, YES!!!!" requires managing deeper fear. Living these counter-instinctive principles requires constant practice and constant reminders so thank you for sharing!

That is what I'm going through right now. Except my last of 4 kids has almost flown from the nest (yay! Im 45). #3 has me thinking though... I might be one of those people that drain someone else... but hey that's life, colleagues and friends come in and out of it as well. Thanks Derek.

The days are long but the years are short. If you dont take care of yourself who will? Sound advice

Interesting take, but parts may not be terribly practical. If you go to a kids birthday party with your child, or the park, how can you avoid conversing with others regardless of whether they "rejuvenate" you? Same goes for most sorts of collaborative work environments. Also, for many people (especially parents of young children),the mundane can easily fill up entire days, so advising to do all of it would leave no time for other pursuits, and thus not be advisable. It is often the ignoring/pushing off of the mundane in exchange for extreme focus on a task / creation that leads to greatness. Enjoyed the read and glad others are as well, but I can't say I agree with all of it.

Dear Derek, that's huge Derek..great realization..bringing your mind back to the present moment..I quote" the extraordinary is found in the ordinary." that I find very inspirational..while I read your message thought of Power of Now book and Journey to Now by Jacobson..I live very often like you've described, my mind wandering on illusionary paths that cause a lot of useless suffering but suffering nonetheless. but this suffering has brought me back to practise daily yoga which I abandoned for several years after being really into it. There are so many golden secrets and wisdom nuggets when we are not in the zone so to speak. You found your way out of the mental labyrinth..I congratulate you..When you get lost in that misery again come back to the present moment with gratitude just like you did..continued peace Derek..Mark

Hi Derek, I'm a parent that was forced into being a single parent in December. My husband was deported to Canada. I've been quite down in the dumps. Your article picked me up and gave me perspective. Thank you. Now I'd like to start writing songs again.
Sincerely,
Deena Russo

The Stoic's Way

Ditto - also worthwhile to ask what purpose having those dark feelings is providing you. Maybe it is a mechanism to give you a needed break. By thinking through it I often can then overcome darkness and pursue the desired outcome.

Love the saying no!

Hi Derek, this article/email/blog post (whatever you want to call it) is great. I've been on a journey of self discovery/learning for many years and as this journey continues to unfold I'm drawn to the writings (such as yours) that enable me to focus on what are the truly important things in my one and only precious life. I'm actively downsizing my possessions, further developing my mindfulness practices and moving in a direction that is so 'delicious' and nourishes all parts of my being. My heartfelt thanks to you for sharing your wisdom and insights - they resonated deeply with me.
Kind regards,
Shirley O.

Thanks, Derek! That letter was indeed worth turning into a blog post. It seems everyone goes through difficult times sooner or later. Your advice is simple and practical.

It's interesting, your point Nr 1, focusing on physical feeling at this very moment, as this is all there is, it's something I encountered in Alan Watts' book "Wisdom of Insecurity".

Staying at this moment is not easy though. When one is in a bad place, the thoughts keep on chasing themselves, and clouded head makes it worse. What helped me to learn how to do it, to focus on this very moment, and not on the memories of the past or imagining future that yet doesn't exist, was practicing meditation.

Derek
It was great advice to publish the email. When you go through a rough time, the bad feelings will eventually pass, but how you handle yourself during the rough time effects how healthy you come out of it.

Decent concepts, but written in an exteremly oversimplified way.

Lets take #3 for example. What about friends who are in a bad place themselves? Sick, down, needing of help and definitely being a massive emotional drain. Banning them from your life may make your life better in the short term, but is also a major dick move.

Great advice Derek for these times.

Especially agree with number 4. After a tough time, a mistake or a failure, I have a tendency to devalue myself and as a result take a step backwards and end up in a place worse than I started. I had to learn these things are opportunities for growth and, if framed properly, are assets, not liabilities.

Welcome back, hope you stay focus and stop the roller coaster living.

sage advice!!!!!! especially for me "chill..this too shall pass"! tks

I had this "mental anguish" and "uncertainty" in 2004. In 2005, I met someone. He was a musician - someone I helped with his music (which he put out via Disc Makers, which is how I came to know CD Baby). I got "busy" taking care of him. Then I had a son and I was busy taking care of my husband AND my son. I even tried to take care of my step-kids for a while (teenagers). That didn't work. The mental anguish went away for sure but I had a lot of anger and frustration. In 2010, I left my husband and I had very good reasons (it wasn't just that I was tired of giving but rather because I realized that i was giving to someone who didn't deserve or appreciate me). So, I became a single mom. That #5 category has been my life ever since - the mundane. I'm no longer in "bad place" and haven't been since 2004 (11 years) but I haven't really moved on or been able to move beyond #5 (the mundane). It seems I get so bogged down with this that I never have time or energy to focus on category #4 (goals/mission/path). I feel like I just live to pay bills right now, and it's one step forward, two steps backward sometimes. My divorce is not even final yet, even though I filed it in 2012 (I'm still paying an invoice and then I have to pay for a trial retainer for the final hearing). This is a different kind of "bad place" from the one you are talking about. It's more of a "rut" perhaps. I just keep doing #5. #5, #5, #5 and that's it... It's like, "I'm a person, you know? Not just a workhorse." It seems I'm a "victim" of "the struggle." I don't know when I'll overcome... Ooh Child by The Five Stairsteps is the theme song for my life right now. Someday... www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrotsEzgEpg

i forgot to put my purpose in abive comment!! art!!! mr sivers u soooo inspire me! 💖

http://fineartamerica.com/profiles/joy-angel.html

Hi Derek. Your work always causes me to think. That's a good thing, as lately there is an abundance of mindlessness. This "self talk" evaluation is right out of Scripture. Perhaps that's why it had an immediate connection for me. Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know I am God"

The idea of not choosing the frantic, panic stricken, immediate fix is also very wise. Jeremiah 29:11 "'I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'Plans for your welfare, not for your harm so that you may have a future of hope.'" When we take a moment, draw a breath and allow God to break through the noise and meet us in stillness - we are more apt to sense His guiding, His way to, through and beyond the present struggle. We are given hope. After all, isn't that what we all want? How often do we think, "Just give me a shot, a chance...some hope."

For me, at least - God does that.

Be still. Get quiet. Give God a chance. Have hope.

Great advice. I liked this book by Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now. Good read for staying where your feet are. Thanks again and keep them coming.
AQ

LIFE is a one time opportunity...LIVE IT one day at a time!

Been awhile since I've seen one of your posts... definitely worth the wait! Be well and wallow in the joyful part of being a parent. That child is so blessed to have you, as we are all blessed to have the wisdom borne of your experience. Thanks, Derek.

Fortunate friend. Wonderful letter.
Best,
Roger

thank you for sharing this!

Blessings to you Derek. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts. Very insightful and a good read.

Derek: I was exactly in that place a bit ago: and I recovered by doing almost exactly the big 5!
"means saying no to half-ass conversations that are not whole-hearted and unconflicted. People that are “fine” and I “kill time” with, but don’t actually love and actively enjoy? Nope. Not good enough." MAJOR!
And today, I emailed regrets to attend the annual Superbowl Pot Luck Party…I mean, don't watch football [they seem to be just always falling in a pile, getting up, falling a pile again]…and I've seen the ads already…and I don't have the foggiest idea who is featured in the half-time show.

So…I have all those hours, uninterrupted, to do some important things to me that I enjoy. A great and liberating feeling!

And just gazing out onto the turquoise Gulf, surf and sugar sand is joy enough...

Of course the photo at the end said it all but it was important that you added all that text too. Thankeeee

Thanx again Derek. I have been going through this type of clearing process for a long time now. Good to be reminded that many of us are also going through similar circumstances at any given time.

Good News! Remember my WORLD PREMIERE TV PILOT She Rocks The Planet #SheilaEICOB

I haven't read one of your emails on a long time. This really helped me today! Thank you!!

Thanks, Derek--I'm amazed how wonderful people, at the right time, come out of the woodwork of life as tokens of love and encouragement--people I've never even met! Love it!

Wisdom and wise self-assessment can lead to greater insight. Great stuff as usual Derrick

Thanks,
Will

Wow Derek, this is so timely for me, because I traveled to a country and climate that I really don't like and I already paid the rent for 6 weeks. I had underestimated the heat the amount of tourism etc... I'm going to focus on the positive aspects of my situation. At least there's an end in sight, only six weeks in all. I'm half way through! I'm in Quepos, Costa Rica, and Jan and Feb are considered the best months to be here in terms of weather. But its so hot and humid I can't believe it. I'm afraid my guitar will turn into a twisted wooden tennis racquet. By the way, when my wife and I arrived we discovered out bags had been riffled through and we were missing our $1000 camera and other important stuff like my pro tools ilok. Life is an adventure, ha ha! The property next door began construction on a new house yesterday. The noise is constant and loud and we can't close our windows due to the heat. Life is an adventure, ha ha!

un fuerte abrazo (big hug)

Craig

Yes, all so true. Also when I spend available time composing and arranging music I become very positive. In 2014, I put out 11 CDs, 2 more this year, 2015.

I wasn't done with my comment!
http://youtu.be/vH-9di0NJk8
She Rocks The Planet! #SheilaEICON
currently is 'Official Selection' in 17 International Independent Film Festivals & has won 8 Awards.
and it's not a film! It's a TV Pilot!

Some of the people who I no longer have in my life were not at all supportive of this or any of my creative ideas. Success is the best revenge?
www.sherockstheplanet.tv

I agree with the article ! There is an awesome book called "Win Anyway " that puts it all in the proper perspective. Oh and by the way….. I wrote the book
I do hope you will pick the book up. There is a purchase link on passhaball.com

Thanks again Derek for motivating us all !

Paytc

Thank you, Derek, for sharing this! So well put, and simple if we allow ourselves to keep it simple (which is harder than it would seem).

Being the "Gemini" I am, I have two trains of thought, am of two minds about this. The first is absolutely: hell yes. Toxic people are like wearing a poison ivy sweater. It may keep you warm for a moment, but shortly it will drive you insane.
The second thought is that God feels absent from the equation--or at least appears to be. We all come to a dark place from time to time, and even those have varying degrees of severity. When I invite God into my life, the fog burns away. I happen to be Episcopalian, but that point is irrelevant. The point that IS relevant is that when you make your life about service to others, you don't have time to even notice the dark place you just travelled through. Obviously I am a terrible theologian, and an even worse advocate for my own spiritual faith. But let me see if I can explain.

Snakes shed their skin from time to time and humans, in your example, need to do the same thing. During Lent, which begins in a couple of weeks, I "give up" but really just abstain from eating: meat (all flesh), wheat, cheese, alcohol (except the blood of Christ at Holy Communion--which I take on as a DAILY devotional) and caffeine in all forms. During this 46 day time period between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday I find myself drilling into the meaning of the selfless act that the person in the form of Jesus did by dying on the cross for our sins, but not for our sins only, but the sins of the whole world--believers and non believers alike. So here's God, trying to get his creation, the human race, to stop, as you suggest, and appreciate the abundance of good that is around them. They can't quit bickering or get over themselves long enough to notice, so eventually Moses shows up, comes back from his trip to the mountain with something simple: Hey Folks, want to be with God? Follow these Ten Commandments and we'll be good to go. Nope. Too hard. So Jesus comes along and says, since you made up your own 379 laws and couldn't abide by that, couldn't even observe Ten God gave to Moses, try Two: Love God (above your money, your career, sex, alcohol, all self indulgences.) and Love your neighbor as yourself. It is in this context that stripping away ALL of the "what I wants" out of my life for 46 days that helps give me the perspective about what I need.

I have four children that need my attention along with two grand kids, siblings, aging parents and a loving spouse and a community of friends who are ailing or distracted in their own way. We're I to remove God and a contemplative prayer life from my equation, it would feel more overwhelming than it already does.

If your spirit is empty, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. Serve God and Serve your fellow man and feel better about yourself.

Whew. As usual your posts provoke interesting responses. Thanks for poking us and do keep up the good work.

Derek: I'm in a situation like this right now and I really appreciate your perspective. I would add what helped in my case: Stop blaming the people you think are responsible for the situation (even if they are) and view it rather as your own act of emancipation. In other words, take the power back!

Thanks for the article!

Hi Derek,

This couldn't have been a more timely piece for me to read right now.

Thank you for lifting my spirits and providing encouragement to stay with the uncomfortable and uncertain until they naturally lead to the next miraculous moment in life.

I hope all is well with you and that life is treating you well these days!

Good job, DS. I'm kinda/sorta/somewhat in that place now.
My mom passed away, I got & beat cancer, my 3rd album come out & went nowhere though I'm really proud of it, I got $5k from ASCAP Plus Awards & took myself to Northern France and Venice. It was amazingly great. So I'm in a really "now what?" sorta place.
But I had two triples in softball yesterday, I met a great guy w/ boyfriend potential, I have pals coming over this afternoon, and there's a yellow-breasted bird chirping outside my open window here in L.A. early on this Feb 1. So I relax an accept; every field needs to lie fallow sometimes.
Cheers & have a good one.
Jay

Great thoughts as always Derek!

I would like to add a thinking process that has recently been a breakthrough for me.

It helps identify and eliminate limiting beliefs, and bad thinking.

Check out the work of Byron Katie.. and what she calls "the work". Even though she mainly deals with relationships you can apply it in all areas of life.

It would look something like this...

#1. Ask myself “What’s wrong RIGHT NOW?”

#2 Is what I am thinking "thats wrong" true?

#3 Can I be 100% certain that it is true?

#4 How do I feel and behave when I have those thoughts?

#5 Who would I be without having that thought/s?


There's a lot more to it. Such as accepting reality, staying in your own business, etc.

If this interests you at all I urge you to read the book and do the process on paper a few times.

It's simple and easy to over look but great at blowing up bad thinking

Good insight! Hope you're feeling better! ☺

*exactly* what I needed to hear as I'm going through my father's last days with him. Thankyou a thousand times. You are my inspiration ❤️

Problems usually come to correct our course. Focusing on connecting the dot's is a distraction. Confusion is the oldest tactic negativity has! Always focus on the positive, all great things do require work!

Thanks for sharing...I love the grass pic!

Thanks a lot Derek for posting this email for us all and this is excellent stuff my friend!

So helpful.

It's obvious why you have more comments on every post you write than any other blog or website I've ever visited. Kudos.

Right on Derek except I'm confused: #3 shutting people out- wouldn't that possibly exacerbate the situation? Kinda feels good to make others feel good with a conversation, no matter how "half-ass" no? Anyway, thanks again for getting the juices flowing!

Thanks! Derek cool.

I looked at your reading list and saw nothing like The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer so felt to recommend it. Radically, positively affected my life and the way that I hold it. Perhaps a good time for you to reach in that direction.
Always with Love, k

Thanks for sharing this! It's very helpful - I'll pass it on.

After reading both your book list and your sand dollar story, I'm struck that there's a lack of reference to the natural world in your book list. Given that the natural world has informed sages of the past whose names live on today, it saddens me the lack of attention paid the natural world by many wise modern people. We can not exist to find our happiness or our successes without the natural ecosystems that have propelled our evolution and support our current survival. We can no longer afford to pluck 232 live sand dollars from the beach with blinders on to the effect upon that ecosystem for having done so. I have no where near the accomplishments Youve accrued, but I nonetheless hope to one day see Terry Tempest Williams, and Diane Ackerman on your booklist. And in a different subject altogether I recommend Daniel Siegel, author of Mindsight.

We gave birth to a baby girl a year ago (1/28/14) and she passé away 2 weeks later.

This is an email I could write (though not as eloquently or clearly) as to what has gotten us throught.

In the darkest times are hidden some valuable treasures.

Thank you, D for writing!

Very well put Derek and right on the mark. Great advice. Keep on keeping on.

"Every person that doesn’t rejeuvenate me and make me feel better, say no. Blacklist them. Banned. Not allowed in, not even for a minute. No explanation needed. No compromise. No favors. Done. Gone."

This is great.

Excellent.

So true Derek,

We make it worst than it is. Gratitude is a powerful tool. Thank you! Hoping all is well.

# 2 - Some time ago I came to the conclusion that the best way to proceed in general with anything is best served by observing a simple four word aphorism - peace first, then act. That does away with hasty judgements and accomplishes much more.

Peace :)

Love it Derek!... kinda reminds me of the song "put one foot in front of the other" - when the Warlock turns from bad to good... brilliant message. www.youtube.com/watch?v=OORsz2d1H7s

Thank you for your emails. They are always helpful to me and many others I'm sure. You really do help people.

I went through something similar a few weeks ago. Came out of it in much the same way but I'm going to print this for the next time. It's hard to think straight when it's going on.

Thank you!

Pat

Excellent advice, especially about still picking up the mail and showering(keeping a routine)even when we don't feel like it. That space is better left empty is so true; instead of spending time moping with negative people it's a much better use of time to do something you've always wanted to do(like take up water skiing) or watch for other possibilities. But what I'd really like to see is an article about how to stay out of trouble, but maybe that is where # 4 is important as perhaps too much clutter prevents us from seeing problems looming which should send us sooner to # 1 again.

Nice! I needed that! Thanks

Hi Derek,

I had just been wondering what you were up to, having been reminded of you yesterday when I received a Just Plain Folks/Brian Austin Whitney newsletter. You may or may not recall back in 2008 or so you emailed me and suggested I join JPF, and then you sent them one of my CDs, which then took me to Nashville in 2009 to one of the best parties I've ever been to. That was very kind of you, and thanks again for that great experience!

So, it seems to be one of those delightful bits of serendipity/synchronicity that with the JPL message yesterday, and yours this morning, that I find these two men, whom in reality I hardly know but that had a very positive influence on my life, checking in, so to speak, within twenty-four hours of each other. Some shift in the stars, I suspect. At any rate, good to hear you're finding inspiration and growth as a father. As a mother of two sons who seemingly against many odds have yet somehow managed to grow into wonderful adults, I certainly agree it's well worth the effort.

Your use of the word, "mundane", by the way, also got me thinking. The more common definition is, "lacking interest or excitement; dull." The other is, "of this earthly world rather than a heavenly or spiritual one." You likely know that, but if not, there you go. Food for thought.

Speaking of offspring, our youngest son Bryn--he's 28--is flying to Singapore on Feb 9, and staying briefly with a friend there before heading out to wherever strikes his fancy. Return flight from Hanoi sometime in June. Free rock climbing is involved. If you have any advice for a young man on the cusp of a great adventure in Malyasia/ Indonesia, he (and his mom) would greatly appreciate it.

Kind regards,

Maggie

Thanks for sharing this!!! Love reading your posts!

Derek, you are my hero--simply for putting into words what I've been trying to explain to friends and family for the past 3 years. My husband died at 49 of malignant melanoma; it took him just 5 months to go from apparently perfectly healthy to dead. Then last year my father died, my twins graduated from high school, they went off to college, my sister had an affair and declared she wanted a divorce (which she really didn't), and a dear friend who helped me through my husband's illness took her life, right before Christmas. The progress I'd made, mentally, during 2013 not only came to a standstill but was eroded to some degree. Because many around me want to forget about what happened to me, lest it happen to them too, they want me to return to "normal." That means something different to each of them. It's aggravating. I love them, but I want them to shut up. I still need time to do all of the things you've written about here. I write a blog called A Widow at Midlife: Seriously? that's on both facebook and Wordpress. I find my support and encouragement from my facebook readers and from my kids, who are growing into surprisingly strong, observant, funny, and supportive adults. There have been some haters lately--my mother, sister, and brother-in-law who took offense at a couple of my subjects--but mostly the blog is a refuge. To be sure I've gone on too long, as I always do. In the end I just want to thank you for giving voice to what turns out to be my experience as well.

It's all about balance, though. Too many fountains and not enough drains causes you to drown - in yourself.

This is so true. On the mark of top 5. I think we all get bog down with these things. When you have to do it all it can pull you down for you feel like you can't get to what you want to do taking care of all the other stuff. But get it done and you find you have time for what you want an a clear mind. Thanks again for you time and shating. Blessings. Wishing you enough. ....

*hugs*

The shadows aren't always pleasant but they provide definition for the light. If you want to exit the dark, you can either wait for the conditions to change OR move.

Excellent as always, Derek.

I really do appreciate you sharing this Derek. #1 is paramount. Pressing pause and breaking it down to the core.Appreciating and being grateful for what we have around us. Emotions have a funny way of amplifying the mental game of tug'o war within ourselves. Taking a moment to breathe and be grateful helps. We will all figure it out. Keep your head up. 1ove.

hi DS--i've read this comment of your journey and respond here.

Going deeper into yourself, you may discover a more foundational vibe that motivates you to live simply without expectation from others to fill your needs. When you approach folks with a genuinely empty open hand expecting nothing in return, you may find the relationship opens differently for you. With nothing to give or take, you may find it easier to focus on the present for what it is. The present is just an opportunity to act now. The message of now is always the same,although its often been trivialized, it survives unscathed. All you need is Love. Love is something you can share with everyone you meet, regardless of their qualifications. They may even share some love back your way, which will surely rejuvenate you. Remember this is not the "same old story" kind of romantic flirtation valentine's day kind of love. This is that empty open hand love that expects nothing in return. peaceout

Thank you for sharing Derek. You are a light.

Hey Derek;
It's all good, except I have some caveats with #3. I think I get what you're meaning there, but it appears to give permission to not be proactive in developing relationships. I think some relationships are worth taking bad times. Don't get me wrong: it's a fine thing to aim for where all of our relationships suit us positively in all aspects. I think it was taken literally, the imperfect human world would be full of lonely people.
If you are talking from the perspective of having a habit of developing bad relationships, perhaps then it is good advice to be more on guard with your choices.
I remember a line from a CEO who said, "I don't hire people who need to be taught how to be good. I hire good people". Perhaps there should be some early screening of who to hang out with.

Amazing, thanks for sharing this wonderfull stuff
God bless you

I've got to say that I already put a lot of this into practice. Especially I can vouch for the effectiveness of #5. I will say that #3 is probably the most challenging...because when you start to weed out the conversations & people who are bogging down your mind...those same people pay even more attention to you. Whether to constantly ask what's wrong...or to attack you for being a rude asshole...ha. But I guess the point is...not to waste any care on that. It's just difficult when you have to work with them at the office every day, you know?

Derek,
Thanks for sharing this awesome testament of self help; it is so timely for me for I am in the mist of ministering to a dear friend (my baby sister) to help her through a difficult time as I read this she would not leave my mind so I am sending it to her as asking her to use this process & just insert what specific to her.
God Bless & many thanks

Incredible write-up, Derek! I love it. Thanks for sharing.

This is what dreams and life are made of. Always a big inspiration Derek.Thanks 😀

Yay! I love the "say no" stuff. You are that which you are not :-) Carving out all the things that you are not really outlines that which you are. One can't hear enough of that cause it's so easy to forget and get distracted. Awesome post as always! Thank you for sharing.
“You are that which you are not” ← Nice one! ☺ — Derek

Man. . .Your emails and all the comments others leave always take me out of my own head and are always timed so perfectly. I swear just when I'm thinking "No one else can be feeling this"..."No way someone else has angry/negative thoughts like this."..."This will pass so I'll just sit in my own stuff and be angry until then." Crazy stuff like that!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

A very nice article :) Thanks for sharing...

Wonferful post Derek. Thank you for sharing -George

This was exactly what I needed to read today. Thanks so much for sharing, Derek!

I don't want to leave a boring comment here, but I really wanted to say thank you and truly appreciate you sharing your insights and advise, especially the part about setting your standard high.

Thank you for this!

When my perception is in a funk I strive (sometimes it's a wicked fierce fight) to remember:

A - acknowledge the Activating event
B - what's my Belief about this thing
C - if I bond with this belief what are the Consequences?
D - find the Empirical Evidence (the absolute truth) to Diffuse this belief that's hijacked my drivers seat causing the stress and pain...so I can be unburdened of the stressful perception/thought/belief/Feeling. Relief. Whew.

The mind/ego is doing it's job trying to protect me. It will find - prove it's right
and all of it's evidence - perceptions will keep coming like waves on an ocean.
This is the norm, it's how we're wired.
Yet, I'm Not my mind, I can be keenly aware of it. As duality in our world is a fact, I do have a dual choice: Resist what is or Accept.

Cheers,
Derrick @GothamD

Perfect! Thank you!

This is FABULOUS! So where I am right now. I feel better already. XOXO

Thia is Right on.. Thanks Derek for the reminder...

Great post. Hope you're well Derek.

For me, I've found that when I'm in a bad place, obsessing about a problem(/s) in my own life -- dropping it for a bit and helping someone else with their problems actually makes me feel much better too.

At the core, remembering that we always have the internal ability to reduce someone else's suffering and add joy to the world is what makes life truly special, and gives our lives great meaning.
Very good point, Jordan! Thank you. This was a letter to someone who has a tendency to do too much of that already, but you're right this is very important. — Derek

I have been to a similar place and I have also found that doing the daily chores is one of the most simple but helpful things to do.

That, I think, is the essence of taking care of one's self...

Thanks for sharing

#6 Music, Art or other forms of hands-on creativity e.g. sculpting, woodworking. Some of the best art come out of bad.

#7 More time in nature e.g. forest, mountain, water.

Thank You Derek
Best Regards
Jan

Can't thank you enough. This is life changing. You're positive energy is inspiring and has helped me more than once. Exactly how did you know I needed that?

Thanks for sharing this!

Thank you Derek,I feel I do a lot of these things,however don't you think some of them are a bit harsh,I know when I take that stance that my energy is taken up with keeping the rubbish out of my life and making sure no one gets away with anything,banks and bank charges,con merchants,vindictive people including neighbours and the like.
Sleep is so important,yet I get so little at times.Leaving taking action on certain things for a day sometimes a week also helps me.Great article and heart.

Thank you for all you do! I feel excitement when I find an offering from you in my mailbox. This one is particularly timely, I too find myself facing assorted brick walls ( thank you Randy Pausch) knowing/accepting gratitude resolves/dissolves the excrement.

Thank You Derek for once again sharing positive insight. Positive is always good. Speaking of positive and feeling good check out this phenomenal band I found out of Germany! They play a genre called Medieval Rock and they take it home...http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/kingsxecutioner#

thank you

I have mixed feelings about that presentation. Its main principles are very sound and a good idea to be sure. But I have a problem with the concept of judging people you come into contact with in such a harsh way. People are not like computers. Some people might seem bland, uninspiring or even a little draining. But some day might be a situation where they are the most valuable person you might know, a literal savior. People have ups and downs, they have settings or moments where they don't shine but all of this is transitory. People also change and improve. I have seen people who did not seem very special to me over the years develop into my favorite friends. Had I rejected them when they seemed to be not cutting the grade I would have missed out. Human potential is one of the most impossible to judge items we have.

Of course people who are too negative must be kept at a distance but it is a good idea to be very discerning and careful before cutting anyone off. Best is to be slow and incremental in pushing people away or bringing them closer.

It is an art form in life to manage such things. It is seldom simple and never predictable.

Derek, I so appreciate what you write and how you write it. What I appreciate most about this piece is that it started as a private message to someone you care about. You were a fountain to your friend, modeling the message you shared. I'm grateful that your friend saw the value in sharing that fountain.

As a full time working musician/ solo artist,I tend to employ nearly all of your big 5 tips for self empowerment almost all the time- MAINLY because I must deal in the real world of ' club work' for sustenance even as I stretch toward emancipation from that strata of work toward festivals and concerts etc which has always been the goal but rarely the reality.
I make a decent living in the clubs and restaurants I play but the constant strain of the proverbial rug being pulled out from beneath you ( usually when rent is due) is a true reality in this business, - ie: finding your gig cancelled, gone, ended , double booked etc etc with zero recourse and suddenly realizing you are now $200.00,short times 3 or 4 times in one month( $1000.00 loss with tips, can be not only frustrating or maddening it can be devastating to your living conditions , mental state, physical health as the dominoes fall one after another.
This has happened to me more often than I care to mention . In each case , the relationship ended with a thud leaving me holding the bag.
What to do?
The big 5 PLUS I am ( because I'm single and I CAN- I've decided to do something I haven't done in 15?years- I'm touring again and committing to touring 9 months out of the year in 7 states .
What I've found for me is that fulfills my need for freedom and money while not burning out on a dead end circuit in my little local city. It keeps things fresh but is also a LOT of work to set up properly. Still, it's more rewarding and also gets my music out into the world as I go.
It's more fun than spinning my wheels at home and done right- ultimately there is no bottoming out, because it's a very big world out there.

Perfect timing for my suffering friend. This is very much landmark stuff. Thanks amigo

Glad you did share this one helps a lot. I have enjoyed you sharing

Dear Derek...thank you for sharing this. It was very enlightening.
I also find making a grateful list every morning very helpful. Even if it's for clearing out the stuff I am angry or resentful for. It clears the cobwebs and allows something better to take it's place. Here's to forward movement and letting things flow!

Great post......

My Science teacher once asked our class how heavy a glass of water was...ideas ranged from 8oz to 20 oz. There was much discussion.
The teacher actually replied: the Weight has nothing to do with how heavy the glass of water is, it actually depends on how long you are holding it!
great point in letting go of the things that weigh us down!

Reminded me that no it is not real, many things that our mind hangs onto is not real we are born pure with no criticisms no rules no dos and don'ts..through our lives we are conditioned through parents, school, religions, etc. Opinions opinions opinions that are there for the moment and sometimes as long as we carry them, as they say once the person is gone what they have said or done is perpetuated by OUR mind, our thoughts....if it is good keep it, if it is negative, get rid of it...much love to all and angels on your pillow every night xo

Acted out #3 before Christmas. Was not that hard to do once I realized I was the vehicle for physical actions by others. I'm in a much better space now and my time is used for ME and others who deserve it ...take care Derek.
Cheers, Bill

This is a great confirmation. I have just recently started to act on many of the things mentioned in this article. Thanks for sharing!

Mentally flogging myself for a mistake that i made at the moment that i read this!! So THANK YOU!! I really needed to read this! So well said!

Another thought occurred to me... your #5 matches the Zen saying...

"Before enlightenment, chop wood and fetch water. After enlightenment, chop wood and fetch water."

I am glad that bunch of you here get inspired so easily- this tells me- mental health is much more profitable than music business and I am glad I started second career. If this post sounds like “wow, good advice!” you did not have it bad enough. Before you rush to fill elated, maybe you should look up the statistical data. “39,518 people killed themselves in 2011. Over 483,586 people with self-inflicted injuries were treated in U.S. emergency departments in 2012. One strategy is to learn about the warning signs of suicide, which can include individuals talking about wanting to hurt themselves, increasing substance use, and having changes in their mood, diet, or sleeping patterns. When these warning signs appear, quickly connecting the person to supportive services is critical.” (CDC, 2014).
This is what I see wrong with this post:
1). “Ask myself “What’s wrong RIGHT NOW?” A person in crisis is not able to think rationally. He or she can not answer this question objectively. The answer may be “Everything is wrong.”
2). “Observe now. Act later.” Waiting too long to find help and initiate the treatment can be lethal and cause somebody life. Very bad advice. Reach out soon as you feel something is wrong. Ask for help, do not wait for it to pass.
3). “Raise standards. Say no to anything less than great.” This part I have the most problem with: “Every person that doesn’t rejuvenate me and make me feel better, say no. Blacklist them. Banned. Not allowed in, not even for a minute. No explanation needed. No compromise. No favors. Done. Gone.”
A person in crisis is not able to make this decision. Very often a person with suicidal ideation will want to surround himself or herself with others who idealize suicide and will encourage suicidal triggering and romantization. Excluding certain people from the circle based on “this does not make me feel good” is harmful, as many people in crisis do not want to hear advice regarding stopping excessive alcohol consumption or reckless behavior. Those people perceived as irritating and unsupportive. Blacklisting friends, family members and significant others who may be perceived at a time as “unsupportive” can lead to isolation and sense of loss, which can increase the risk for suicide.
4). “Focus on my goal/mission/path.” Focusing on unattainable goal, such as “I want to be a rock star/sign recording contract/be famous” can lead to depression because a person in crisis has no means or energy to make this goal happen. Accepting that it is ok to be a local musician with no record deal and play music for close family and friends can actually make the goal appear obtainable and requiring less investment and energy.
5). “Do ALL the daily mundane stuff.” Many individuals with depression are unable to get out of the bed in the morning. Telling them to I brush, floss, go to the gym, make healthy meals, take the kid out to play, do the dishes, clean the house, pick up clutter, vacuum, pay my bills, answer emails, do the laundry can push them right over the edge. Many individuals will need pharmacologic interventions and counseling before they can do even basic tasks.
“Separates the mental anguish from the physical reality keeps me focused on what’s real versus what I’m just imagining.” Depression is not imagined. Depression is real for those suffering from it as much as any physical pain. In fact, the etiology of emotional and physical pain is very similar. Derek, stay with what you know and what you are good at, counseling is not one of those things.

For those who are in crisis, keep in mind that good mental health is hard to find and it takes time to make appointment. It is not available on the same day you need it. So do not wait till it gets real bad. Start familiarizing yourself with the healthcare system in advance and make right connection. You need all help and all available resources working for you.

Thanks Derek,

Perfect timing - Life has been such a roller-coaster ride for the last 18 months and I felt I needed reading this today.
My life is a mess right now, After 3 failed business attempts, me and my wife moved from Australia to Europe and in order to change my career from IT Consulting to Hospitality. Worked my butt off and it didn't work out; got massive burnout, constantly surrounded by negative people, plus
living on one income is a worry on its own.
(Answered YES for Q1; I hope that a lack of sleep (3-4 hours almost every day) is justified as "physical pain".) I have also been battling an addiction which had it's effect on my marriage, but it's getting better every day. Now it's time to start AGAIN..back to Australia, back into IT and perhaps another startup attempt. I wouldnt worry too much about all this if I was still in my 20s, but I am NOT. Anyhow, doing mundane stuff helps a bit and let me forget about my real issues.
What really keeps me going is, that I never forget to be grateful whatever comes into my life, because I feel there has to be a purpose and meaning for difficult times as well.

W O W!!!!!!Thank You Derek, it hits home!

Hello Derek,
It's great that you are continuing to let God use you sir!
Never stop. You reap what you sow.

Thank you. I genuinely needed this today.

Dear Derek,
happy to see you again. If you ever plan to come to Spain (actually, to Barcelona) just let me know that we will do something interesting.
Thank you!!

This is in reply to Vlada Astral (51093sive.rs/bad#comment-51093)

Great advice. Thanks. My point only is, though, I don't think it was Derek's intention to direct the article to people with depression or severe mental disorder. (You mention depression and even suicide quite a fair bit). As for me, I have been having a real tough time for about 18 months, perhaps with even light depression about my unknown future. But I get the point Derek is making. But then again you are right, how does the person actual know that he or she suffers from depression without the ability to reason what's good or bad. Sorry, just my two cents.

Wonderful! Really love these all, but #3 and #5 really jumped out at me. Thanks for sharing this - your timing is incredible! Bob

Had a protracted one of these moments recently - up until reading this actually Derek! Nice words as always. Thought provoking, practical and relatable. We're all just human after all.

Derek: this piece really spoke to me; I'm just coming out having had one bad year (maybe closer to two!) and being in a bad place as a result. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing what helped you; simple but powerful reminders I wish I'd had kept in mind during the dark times. You'll be happy to hear I'm back in gear!

Good writing- I have a new phrase for myself. It is called No Think. I force myself to not think when in a bad state- whatever the bad state is- crisis, tension, overwork, total mess of a house, lack of sleep. Just make your mind blank for at least 5 minutes and do what you have written up there.
I have some BIG things coming up in the next year- scary money things. I am going to work toward what has to happen and not panic- and when it gets too much, will do a large No Think.

Hey Derek-- great read.

I often remind myself... when I wake up on the right side of the grass things aren't all that bad....

Wishing you easier days ahead,
-Dave

full of appreciation for you...M

Very positive ,sounds likeit could work for those willing to follow through ,the outcome is def a great one ..Nice read gr8t medicine here..

awesome derek! u rock!

Thanks Derek, I'm so glad you give us all your pragmatic ways out of this, because, as you say, it is mostly imagined and needs pragmatism for us to see reality even if we don't quite want to believe it at the time...
Thanks
Andy

I recognize many of these themes from the ancient wisdom traditions. There is a deep truth in each of the action points you have provided. No person makes it through life without traumatic events, and the way we recover from them has a lot to do with how healthy we are and how long we live.

Life is not so cut and dry as you suggest. Most of us have to interact with people we would choose not to associate with from co-workers, bosses, in-laws, family members, and a host of others.
I would suggest living authentically during these interactions. Learn from them and become a better person.

Keep posting!!!!! This is the type of thought provoking content that people need. I just wish I had this guide when I went through my bad place ten years ago. Hope it helps anyone who is wondering why life sucks right now.

Brilliant. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing this. Wise words.

How lovely to be in a place where everything is mostly about you, Derek. I'm both envious and depressed. Not your intention, I know, but jeez.

Yes, I have a roof over my head, food to eat and it's warm inside while it's cold outside. I shouldn't complain, but yes, there are people in my life who I can't turn away from and can't say no when they need my help.

But I pull together little bits of time for me and finally have started doing some writing and have made my first science fiction sale. Would I do more writing if I didn't have so many things I don't want to be doing pulling at me? I'm not sure. I'm quite able to waste time all on my own as I drink my cokes and look around at all the things that need doing. Too often I get exhausted just thinking about what I should be doing.

It's sounds like you have a good routine in your life right now, though, and it's worth emulating. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

OMG what wonderful share Derek. Loved all of the big 5 tips. When one is immersed in a difficult circumstance, it's easy to get swallowed up by everything. But what you eloquently explain is that it is always our choice at any moment to take charge of what we are going to do about it. Problem is sometimes there are people around us that are not as open minded or proactive. This can easily impact us if we are not careful. It's not always easy.

...and go to CDBaby and listen to some different tunes. "When the going gets tough - keep going!"

Excellent article; almost like a very timely prescription was just sent to me from the universe to remedy asituation that haa bothered me one way or the other for quite some time now. Thanks much for sharing Derek:))

Thank you Derek! Very very good. And you know, it probably feels good to be able to offer something like that to someone. Thanks as well for CD Baby. It's improved my life

Paul

I wish I could actually achieve my goal already! I've been living my life the way is suggested here in your article for a long time....unfortunately, I'm not very successful.

It's always wonderful to hear from you and read from your great mind. I adore this: "More fountains, less drains."
I'm sending you peaceful thoughts and positive feelings. :)

UNIMAGINABLY valuable to me. THANK YOU! BLESS YOU!

Awesome, Derek. I really believe in #3, but you said it so beautifully. This one's a keeper. Thanks! :)

This is just what I needed right now. It's a perfect reminder that humans experience the same things all over the world. We are not alone in our feelings and experiences and we can learn alot from each other.

You're becoming wiser and wiser as you progress. Thanks for sharing your life experience. - From Brunei.

HI Derek
It's been some time since I detoured from my browsing to indulge in some of your
thoughtful musings and inspirational notes. Glad I did. Always great food for thought and call to action. I intend to pass it on.
Blessings,
Kathryn

Superb article! I've read it a few times and sent it to friends and family.

When I am down, which is fortunately unusual, I have two approaches, and I usually work them both at the same time:
1) Helping out other people
Think about things that you can do to help others. Maybe it's volunteering at a non-profit. Maybe it's volunteering to give a seminar at a college to share some of your knowledge with young people. Maybe it's helping a friend who is sick or having a hard time. Maybe it's going through your things and finding stuff to give away that could help other people - and then giving it all away. Sometimes helping others can put your own problems in perspective.
2) Doing constructive things for yourself
This isn't about taking yourself somewhere where people cater to you. And it's not about vacationing or sticking your head in the sand. It's about finding things that you can do that will improve yourself in some way or make you more able to be effective at what you want to do. Maybe it's starting or maintaining an exercise program. Maybe it's taking a class or a workshop. Maybe it's organizing a part of your life to make yourself more effective. Sometimes when you have focused your attention on doing something constructive, it can take your attention away from whatever problem was looming so large in your life. And if you are doing constructive things, you will likely be better off in some way.

Hope this helps.

This post resonates with me possibly more than any other and I think I've read almost all you've sent. Although I'm not going through a tough time, I'm moving in a cleansing and refining direction and this is helpful and affirming. Thank you, Derek!
PS #3 is the best!

Hi Derek,

Thank you for the great post and advice. Based on my own experience I can say that they do work.

I would suggest one more thing: work out. Doing some good physical activity makes you feel better and think clearer. This in turn helps with all the other great tips you've listed above.

In any case, I'm happy to learn that you're in a "good place" now.

Best Regards,
Ziv.

Great, simple, effective! Thank you, Derek!

Absolutely! Subjecting oneself to negative people and time-wasters do nothing but drain us. This article hits home, makes sense and should be widely shared. Maybe more North Americans could get off the prozac and potato chip diet and spend more of our time enriching our lives, building stronger relationships with positive influences and taking care of our bodies inside and out.

Hi Derek,

I was introduced to you by a friend and I have really enjoyed your writings. This one too has merit but I have an issue with the 3rd point.

And the reason:

Considering you were in a bad place, you probably were draining on others. So by your logic, they should have chucked you out of their life?

You might have some caveats there so point 3 may not be absolute but it certainly reads so.

To not allow others to drain you viz-a-viz to "Blacklist them. Banned. Not allowed in, not even for a minute. No explanation needed. No compromise. No favors. Done. Gone." makes you a taker in every sense. Especially if the other person is also in a similar situation.

I am assuming that even when you are not a rough space, this point holds. So should the friends and random strangers never expect support from you in their time of distress?

Would like to know more about this.

Thanks,
Asmita

Another point -

When we are in a bad place, our judgement is impaired. Many times we perceive things/people differently from the way they are. If people who seem drain to you or not contributing to Your welfare, it might be not be because they are doing something wrong. It well might be that you are perceiving their actions or words incorrectly.

Thanks for sharing this. Someone just said something rather similar about where I should be focusing my attention, and how much I otherwise lose to a fairly horrible situation which does come under the category of something which attacks me more mentally as you describe. It's not that easy to push it from my thoughts although that is my policy. Sometimes it is administratively unavoidable, and action is required, but it is considerably better since I refused to be quite as emotionally blackmailed into the drain which it represents. I went with; "you get more of what you focus on", and tried to change my focus, with some success. Then it was "more of what you are grateful for"...and tried to see the best stuff more. I think you say it better.

Keep the faith with yourself. Let yourself feel what you feel in the moment. Don't fight it or try to send it away because it's there for a reason and fighting it can only make you feel worse.

Remember too, that you don't need to be swallowed whole by the pain or anguish. Let yourself step back and breathe a little then tell yourself: "Nothing is as bad as it seems at first." You'll find that you've got inner strength that will pull you up and out. It may take time. Let yourself take that time and remember, you have the right to feel the way you do - and the right to feel better too.

Yea Number 3 is the best for me. I learned to do that after wanting everyone as my friend, just have the few special ones and then thats it ... way to go really clean out the usless friends closet.

Thanx for the beautiful advises. Sometimes, when I have an off-day I only think "Oh miserable me" and behave like a victim. To week to be active and handle adequatly.
1 and 2 help me then.
Forgive me the bad english.

well, it sounds a bit selfish. especially if you think that maybe YOU are the GREAT person for that someone you are ditching for being only "fine". you could totally be that great someone you're looking to spend time with for your mediocre friend that you're ditching.... and no one really trades down, so what do we do?

also, eating and drinking healthy is overrated. might make you feel better (but so does whisky and whatnot) but it's no guarantee you won't get sick and die.

I think you are on a good path to "recovery" and greatness in action,---living with mind, heart, body and spirit together and in the moment---letting go, like the fountain; letting what needs to go down the drain go there, and fixing the clogs and clearing the cobwebs. None of it is "real" because it all passes, water over the dam---Breatkthrough!!!
But, YOU remain and grow into the greatness of who you really are and that's a blessing you share so well. Happy New Year!

And I'm in the second year of my newest album, recording up at Will Ackerman's Imaginary Road again--8 tracks so far well on the way to completion and more to go. Wish I could share the dropbox with you and make it safe and legal for you to listen? Charlie Bisharrat on violin with me on some tracks and Laura Sullivan, recent New Age Grammy winner on piano on one track...Will Ackerman and Tom Eaton producing. Fun.

Thank you. REading healthy/new thoughts may lead to keep clean thoughts

Thanks Derek, you fixed my day. :) JH

"More fountains, less drains". Well said Derek and so true....now I just need to start taking consistent, small daily action in that direction.

Considering I'm a Seahawks fan who's also unhappy with my current job, this was a timely reminder. Thanks man.

Reading this made me realize, I tried this, and it didn't work for me.
But that made me realize I hadn't really tried this, I did parts, but not the whole.
It makes me start trying again.
Thank you,
A

Brilliant and simple! THIS is how we fix the world, if everyone did this the world would be a better place, we will all sleep better, and basically be HAPPY people! These things are answers to most questions - sending this to my husband! :)

Thank you, Derek. Perfect timing!

Great Advice, Derek. I wrote a 2 part article on this very theme awhile back - thought it might add to the conversation as I dig a bit into the mindset aspect:
When Bad Things Happen
http://artists-edge.com/when-bad-things-happen-article/
When Bad Things Happen Part 2
http://artists-edge.com/when-bad-things-happen-2-article/

Derek, this is so good. Resonate with it all so much. Thanks for posting.

where ya been Del?! ;-)
i woz just finkin' the uvver day: Derek's packed it this lark, innit.
'e's prolly gone back to california...

you're bang on time with this one, i don't even have
to read the whole post, ha ha ha. will do though,
but first reactions count.

Beautiful,Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience:) Great timing as now is intense for many, as we are all being stimulated to move to higher levels of living. Expansion and change can bring up lots of "stuff" as our whole being sheds what is no longer useful or empowering, and re-designs our inner terrain to support moving to higher levels, emotionally, physically and spiritually. As humans on this earth we are here to help each other. Everyone requires an objective point of view at some time or another. Together we can help each other be the best that we can be. I offer support to others with Intuitive-Guidance-Sessions to help with shifting or expanding into a greater place of self empowerment with grace.
Details here:~
http://www.radiantsol.com/blog/2011/08/intuitive-guidance-session-flower-essence-guidance-session-with-eluv/

With Gratitude, Love and Light.
Eluv

Derek,
I accomplish this on a daily basis (for 31 years now) by making a daily gratitude list, and attending a one hour Alcoholics anonymous meeting. There we speak of developing a daily spiritual procedure which is basically what you have laid out for your friend. Simply put Surrender to the universe, accept life on life's terms, and move forward. As a result, I find myself Happy (I want what I have rather than what you have), I'm joyous, (I have a higher power of my understanding), and I am free from the bondage of self absorption!
Best always,
Michael "The Pappy" Mc Ginnis

ok: so you have x factor and y factor: time and resources,
in inverse mode. now introduce Y FACTOR! > health and no
health cover...excellllllent... that adds some spice.
you have to make an axial decision, and time is running out.
the jump requires a feat of logistics -or does it?
is this the 'do nothing' principle? (but you ought to do
something about that expanding testicle...)
(f*** 'anguish'...)

Wonderful words of wisdom, Derek. Thank you. Your missive also conjures up Maynard James Keenan's (Tool) lyrics from "Lateralus," a very profound song with a potent message:
"Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind. Withering my intuition leaving all these opportunities behind. Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line. Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come."

The simplicity of these basic questions works beautifully!
Question: where & when in our evolution did humans unlearn this & create such a cycle of desperation?
I'll be flossing while you be responding!
Great day to you, Derek

I'm checking out rule #3 (banned, gone, done!). Enemies reveal stressful truths designed to hurt, but it's still the truth that can potentially improve your life with adjustments. 'Friends' often say what you want to hear. A critic's point of view can be life-changing, even when meant for harm. There's nothing wrong in dumping troublemakers, but make sure you've extracted all juice from the orange before tossing the peelings.

Wow..........That's a lot to take in. I'm sort of in the same place at the moment. My cholesterol is higher than usual....my blood pressure is higher than usual.....something else is high too, but I can't remember what it is. But all of this is on my mind all the time to a point where I'm tempted to say, "What's the use?" I don't feel like doing anything constructive on account of it. But you're right, Derek. Getting rid of the clutter is probably the key. I appreciate the reminder. Hope you've straightened yourself out, as well. It's a tough road sometimes.

This is good, Derek. It all leads to Hope. And I'm glad you included the mundane. I love doing the dishes (but I'll kill you if you tell anybody) because it is mundane and frees the creative part of my mind to soar free for a fairly predictable time. And when I land there is the small satisfaction that order brings. If somebody isn't filled with gratitude when they remind themselves of the real and valuable things that are in place all around them then they won't get this.

I`m there !! Thanks !

Ya ~ the illuminosity of mind itself begins to shimmer from underneath the concrete slabs we have created on top...the true nature of our own mind becons ~ :)

You know Derek, THANK YOU! I really appreciated these words today :-) I also read all the links and they were super. When I get some lazy time..some of those books looked great too.
Super Derek!
Great to hear from you again as well. :-) Makin tunes...
Rachel :-)

Hi Derek
I enjoyed reading your letter above. When I am in a bad place watching TV soothes me. I try to do the regular daily activities however if I need a break from my music I take it. My daily job is in music so I just do the bare minimum. Sometimes taking mental breaks are really important.

Derek,

Your wise words resonate with me. After years of chasing what I thought I wanted only to be disillusioned, I've learned to fight off the voices both external and internal that try to dissuade me from my goals and my life missions. Like you, I continue to go through a similar process of discarding what blocks my happiness. These days, not everything is smooth or comfortable, but I am developing a wonderful sense of acceptance that helps to keep a smile on my face and in my soul despite what life puts on my plate. Thanks for your inspiring share.

Ok, and if my current situation, which I've been in for 3-1/2 years and haven't been able to get out of, doesn't (literally) kill me, and it might, then great. It's nothing to do with physical conditions or disease, it's purely situational, and seemingly never ending. The strange thing is, if it does kill me, I won't be sad about it.

Thanks for share your experiences Derek.
This is like apply 5S in our time to improve ourselves.

Nice thoughts, best wishes.

Hi Derek, thanks for inspiring article.
Actaully now i say no to the negative enviroment wich costs me to be a jobless person. But the good thing is, as you said, i have much empty space to be filled with improvement.

Once again thank you.
Btw i brushed and floosed my teeth right away. I thimk i feel that energy :)

It's good to see other people feel the same sometimes and do some of the same things to get past it.

Recently a long time friend of mine said I post some stuff on facebook that most people really don't care about (podcasts, books, news stories...not food or uplifting poetry etc.). I thought, instead of changing my posts to conform to my friends, why not get some new friends?

In other words: Practice Buddhism.

In other words: Practice Buddhism.

There's a lot of good & practical advice here, Derek. Thank you. But, #3, if applied as described (or at least as I read it), is robotic, impractical, & borderline unkind.
There are people who I'd rather not talk with, not because they are poisonous, but because they are boring. However, to a degree, I think it is humanizing to "donate" some time to those who need to feel heard. I only have so much patience for it, but I can't agree,in the spirit of a kind heart, to cutting out those who don't serve my purposes. My time on this planet is both precious as gold & common as sand, so I feel that investing time into someone else's life is just as valuable as working on my own goals. This is, of course, within a sense of balance. Because I'm not THAT altruistic. AND, this is my own value scale, so, I acknowledge that.

Thanks for the good thoughts, brother:)

Yes I have also come out of / in the process of coming out of a difficult place. All those negative feelings surrounding a situation / people or yourself. Some big lessons have come from it. One of the biggest is love and forgiveness both towards others irrespective of their behaviour and also of myself irrespective of my behaviour. This has not been easy but a real healer. So now whatever I do, what ever my goals are, is to find more things to love, in what I do, in the people I am around (even if they annoy me and to be fair I annoy them as well), in the things I have and ultimately within myself. For me anyway, this has been the solution, because I realise that it is how I/you/one feels that is the most important thing.

Thank you for your honesty in this article Derek and thank you for all the work you have done for us musicians/readers alike. All the best.

Derek,

Sure it does. I was in that "wallowing" mood. You just drove some sense into my head.

Tiny blades of grass,
peeking out from under concrete.

Walk away the blues,
her new shoes
Take her into my world.

Dammit Derek- you're making me print these things out so I can refer back to them at times when they might really have some impact! I think we can all use a little objective re-evaluation of our states. Getting outside of ourselves from time to time has the same impact that visiting a foreign country has in getting one out of the same snowtrails (ruts)we get stuck in sliding down hill. Especially if there's a tree at the bottom.

Good suggestions! Keep up your great essays! I enjoy them all. Bob Fanelli

Thanks Derek, it's kind of spooky how well-timed your intermittent gems rear their pretty little heads from my inbox. I hope to return the favour one day...

Thanks for sharing Derek. I agree 100%.

So, Derek, how did you know how my day has been going? Thank you for your thoughts. My problem is the clarity and the focus of my goal. Working on it.

Nice day. Nice place. Nice food. Nice people. Nice work. NICE ARTICLE!

Perfect timing for me.

Just bought my own shop (auto) & I really needed to read something like this. Alot of "drains" around me that I need to address. Thanks buddy!!

This came to me at a perfect time. Very fitting.
Perfect advice.
Thank you for sharing.

Just what the doctor ordered!!! Thanks!!!!!!

Thank you. I needed to be told this in this manner. Help me greatly, it will!

Brilliant in it's simplicity! Thanks for posting this. Because of our basic personality, musicians tend to be very sensitive and sometimes very dramatic! ; ) My music, playing my guitar or piano is what brings me up when I'm feelin down. It's saved my life more than one time and I believe will continue to do so.
Getting ready to press our 6th album in March. We're getting over a million plays on Pandora a year now. And it all started at CD Baby.Thanks for all you've done my friend. I hope some day we'll meet so I can thank you in person.
All The Best,

Nelsen Adelard

I just printed this out... 3 copies, one for my purse, one for my desk and one for my nightstand. Thank you, I really needed this right now.

Great Blog with a great philosophy. There is not to much to say but this article really spells out the truth. Time is so important so why should we waste our valuable time on things that is not going to benefit us in the long run. Thanks for sharing it.

Clarence

I asked this guy who puts on self help seminars (Dave Riddell is his name and "Living Wisdom" is his brand) what was one of his biggest insights gained from many years in the business of helping people. He simply said words to this effect "People trust their feelings and act upon them but often their feelings are telling them lies".
So when we are feeling down it sure don't mean we really are down.
Btw Derek I lost your number can you text me 02102592919 as I will be in Welly soon

Always cherish the moment your are in. It will always get you to where you love to be.

Just what I needed to hear! Bless you for caring! K

Dear Mr. Sivers...your book reviews, notes and summaries are worth the price of admission alone,( TY for being free by the way)

Seriously I would love to hear your opinions and perspectives on Meditation, Neuroplasticity, and Neuroscience in general.

TY again for all the great stuff

Larry Archambault

Derek, if I may..... I've been following your emails for a long time now. I remember when I signed up as an artist on http://www.numberonemusic.com/pimpinhoggindoggin  and in turn, got great reviews. I remember people contacting me and wanting to work with me and I chated for a min, but never went forth with everything. After reading your letter it made me think about all what I have given up on. I remember when I had an option to opt out of the emails, I'm glad I didn't. I see why your friend wanted you to repost or republish the article. It's a lot I want to say and alot I haven't touched on. But I know you don't know me, but I feel as if I know you!!! "I'm going thru", as the masses say. I'm a man of great talents, but as you stated in your letter, " the mental anguish is still there" from the past or frustrated by what the future entails. I woke up to this letter for a reason. I answered it and responded to it in good faith. I appreciate it and maybe from this who knows will happen from here.

God bless, C. WELCH

These are the exact same things I came up with (except for 1,2). My motto however was a healthy body and mind.

What a way to express the feelings that some many of us can relate to. That's a Reality Self Check. Great Job Derek.

Great post Derek. #5 doing the mundane stuff is so true. It's really amazing how waking up a little bit early, taking a few deep breathes, trying to enjoy the processing of waking and making breakfast can really help.

Hi,

It's really helpful for me to see people writing about this kind of thing. It's a very unexplainable thing it seems to people who "care" about you, or a job that degrades you. I have a "cool kid" job that has laid on so much feeling of self-doubt, second-guessing, and bitterness.. I feel like my distrust in people and desire to be alone stems from my work, when all I really want to do is put time into organizing and completing my creative projects. I'm thinking of starting my own business so I can extinguish all of the negativity my current job brings me. I'm also coming to think that the business in particular would help me feel fulfilled in a lot of ways and give me an opportunity to write more and teach others to write.

Big wordy comment, but again, thanks! The "mundane" stuff seems to be the only thing in life I have control over, and that's still hard!

Who say's GROWTH isn't WORK. I can only "Surrender" so many times. For me, (sing - me, me, me, me, me...) it comes to writing down and clarifying my BS so I can own it.

Thank you for sharing

Number #3 is probably good for some, but certainly not for a lot of us.
If it's a rainy day, I do not hide at home. I go out anyway and I take the best of the day.
There are definitely a few people that is good to keep them away.
But if some people doesn’t rejeuvenate me and make me feel better, this should not be enough to blacklist them.
I try to accept them anyway. It not that I spend too much time with them or make a party out of it... but almost everybody has something good to learn from.
Like Mark Metz said in his comment:
"I would suggest living authentically during these interactions. Learn from them and become a better person."

It very inspiring to read you and I appreciate the honesty in your writings. Thanks.

Like my mom always said: "Think before you act." It's good advice at any age.

Thanks for this! Passing it along...

Derek, your blog spoke to me at not just a bad place, but the worst place. This past November I lost my 26 year old daughter who was a grad student at UC Berkeley. The impact of her death on the entire family has been mostly insurmountable. she volunteered weekly teaching children with Cerebral Palsy how to swim, and mentoring an inner city girl at one of the most troubled elementary schools in the city. She was loved by so many- a real "fountain" and never, never a drain. Your blog, "Getting out of a bad place" allowed me the reset moment for my life that I so needed. Thank you for posting.

Just.......wow. You have a knack for ending a hiatus with the insights I really need to get things back on track.

This one is especially powerful and I am thankful to you for sharing your hard earned knowledge.

This was extremely mind-blowing to me. Not because it is rocket science, because it is not. We are told these general concepts quite often, but the depth of this is amazing. You brought new light into my life that i did not think about before. I never thought about how what i was thinking may not be reality. The way you write this is very easy to read and that is very much appreciated by me because often times my mind gets scattered. My favorite part is the separation between mental anguish and reality. Then the examples you gave helped clarify how to live that way which is extremely helpful to me. Thank you so much for taking the time to share this with us. I would love to learn more.

"Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!"
A good little bit I found in a book called Romans.

Thank you for this.... Much needed!

Thanks Derek : ) Great insight, perfect timing : )

Thank you thank you for your perfectly timed blogpost. <3

Really good stuff. Incredible clarity, wish I had seen this years ago.

Lets do nothing:)
http://landofnova.com/posted_by_troy/lets_do_nothing/

This is so relevant to so many experiences! I think that every few years, we need to refresh ourselves and our lives with #2-5. Thank you! I plan to share this at sunspotworkshop.com/blog, with proper links and credit, of course!

You can't imagine how this came at the right time. Thank You.

...said the fountain to the drains.

So true. Feeling bad, depressed, etc., can be so self-perpetuating. Taking care of the mundane--and relatively easy--stuff can help to ground you, and give you a footing to solve the big stuff.

Very good advice. Especially the "do all mundane stuff" - it's so easily forgotten but it helps a lot, because it still means keeping control over a bit of your life even when the anguish that's related to other parts seems overwhelming. And it helps with creating that tiny gap between mind and emotion that finally helps us to breathe again and see clearly. Many thanks for your great list!

Loved this. So simple, practical, and true.

Hey Derek. Thanks for sharing. You know that you have people who are out there that genuinely care about you. If you ever need a word of encouragement please do not hesitate to give me a call. You are an inspiration to many. God bless you friend and thanks for sharing even the tough moments in life. We all go through them. The connections with people are what matter most when we are going through tough times. Have a great day Derek!

Good. Thanks.

Great stuff as always Derek. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you so much for this perfect reminder as I really needed it! I know for me ‪consistency‬ is my biggest issue in all things. I am striving to be more consistent, even at the risk of being mundane and boring.

AWESOME SAUCE!!!! THANKS BROTHER SIVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for sharing this Derek!
Really tough situations we are put in from time to time. Just got to endure and make things go as best we can.

-Anh
www.selfstarterguide.com

Thanks for sharing this. One thing that helps me is sitting down with a paper and pen.? I write Wouldn't it be nice if........... At the top, then I fill in the blank until I can't think of any thing more . I number each thing. I have found these lists later and notice that most of them happened. I got this exercise from a Ester Hicks book and love to do this . I had never been on a cruise ship. I wrote Going on a cruise to fill the blank. We went on 5 cruise ships the next year, Mexico, two Trans Atlantics, Italy and Panama Canal .

Hi Derek,
Thank you for a lovely and helpful post.
I'm having a little trouble wrapping my mind around this thing you wrote: "Every person that doesn’t rejeuvenate me and make me feel better, say no. "

This seems to go again the 'seek negative feedback to improve yourself, mantra', no? What if people who love you point out things that you do that aren't good for you or others, and their feedback simply doesn't make you feel good? I am really curious how do you reconcile the two, if at all? Or am I misreading what you wrote?
Thank you again for a lovely and very helpful post.
This is meant as a temporary strategy for tough times. When feeling more robust, switch back to your regular approach to life. ☺ — Derek

As always, Derek, you make common sense and feed it to me in nice tasty doses!!

Great post and words to live by !

As an entrepreneur, the start-up roller-coaster is one of the reasons am there – to ride it ☺ And at the same time, the ride is exhausting – emotionally ;-(

When I find myself in a slump, I come back to one of my all-star books (for kids and entrepreneurs alike) – “Oh the places you would go” (Dr Seuss):

Starting with: “Except when you don't. Because, sometimes, you won't.”, Or , “I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true that Bang-ups, and Hang-ups can happen to you.”

Through: “…. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act”, and “Out there things can happen, and frequently do, to people as brainy and footsy as you”,

Finishing with “…Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!”

Will upgrade it now with your checklist, Your # 1 (…”it’s a nice reminder that it’s all in my head.”) is brilliant. Thanks for sharing !

great post :)

Hello Derek :0)

I am with you on all fronts old friend. Taking stock of relations and situations that have drained me. Ways in which I have over extended myself and participated in toxicity that reflected my own willingness to compromise myself. I strive to vacate those premises daily.
A thousand cd's arrived at my door the other day and all I could think about was will anyone really like it? Did the cover come out too dark? Now what? A year in the making with some of my best work ever and still I was flooded with doubt.
After fussing over shipping labels and designing postcards printing them cutting them addressing envelopes and the like I just stopped.
I noticed I had become hungry so I cooked a meal. I noticed there were dishes in the sink so I washed them. I went into my bedroom and realized I had piled up clothing over the last 3 days that were not dirty. I hung them up. Then I made my bed. Then I tidied up the bathroom.
In the quiet of my mundane but mindful meditation I was able to reconnect to the grace of a peaceful breath. When I don't feel grace I feel alone. When I feel grace even when I am alone I don't feel lonely. I'm reminded that I am valued and exhalted by my Creator, therefore the greatest gift I can give this earth is to be the highest form of myself.
It helped to read your post today and not feel as if I was alone in my own tortured thoughts.
Nice to hear from you again Derek...and thank you.

Loved this!

This is amazing! Thank you.

Derek, you shine.

Hi, Derek,
Thank you so much for sharing this email. Just like what you said, there are so many "imaging" and "remembering" in my head, pulling me away from what I am supposed to do. Some "remembering" might be real in the past but they aren't worthy to be remembered anymore. As to #3, I am ditching those things that are less than great, including people I used to deem them as friends, and this gives me strength. I also realizing at certain point of my life, very low point, I was one of those who were less than great to my friends.
Love all the steps. Now it's time to get back on track. Thank you again!

Wow, all those tips hit the nail on the head for me. I'm going to keep this and refer back to it often. Thanks for helping to save my marriage of 24 years, and many many more. Peace be with you.

That's a lot of grounded clarity wrapped up in 1 post, thanks for that!

And yes, reminding yourself of the long-term (I call that vision) is what helps you say NO to the things that do not align in your life right now. I love it when the fog lifts and that fact becomes clear :)

OMG! it feels like I'm reading my own journal, except for the fact that the half-ass people that procrastinates me, were unfortunately part of my family.

But just recently, I have decided to separate myself to them to make things on my own, instead of wasting my time sharing them my great business ideas, which I expected to have it done as a team (as agreed) but only to find out that they're building on their own.

Though I knew myself as an independent & positive person, being left alone with limited resources almost made me forget that. I'd really thought it would be difficult for me & would take several years to make it happen.

But thanks to your article about "How to hire a programmer.." 'coz even if I'm a "Jack of all trades, and a Master of none", if I'll do the Step#1(version 1), everything would be possible.

This popped up in my inbox today. Not sure why. I think I sorted by name or something other than date. But I really needed to read it. Thank you.

Couldn't have come at a better time! Thanks for sharing! Derek, through your blog you are one of those whole-hearted, unconflicted people that help me to focus and achieve. Mission accomplished!

Promise I'm not becoming your stalker.....just stayed on your site. The coding blog had me reaching for a glass of wine in terror (it's ok; I'm in the UK and it's 18:38). This blog just so got to me. We all have vulnerabilities. Your honesty means a lot - as I'm sure it has done to many before me.
Caz

Love this writing, Derek. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for sharing. Blessings always to you and yours.

my favorite thing you've ever written… or i should say the most useful to me. i revisit this often. thanks

Wow, this speaks to me in my very situation right now! #1 is an awesome reminder to step back and set things straight again. I will definitely use this list to get back on track. Thank you for the inspiration!
Nadine

Hi Derek,
What you enumerated surely helps to manage and optimize the timetable, prioritaze and check carefully what is acctually worth doing and what to avoid (valid for both activity or people). Many times I myself don't check if a certain person or action will have a positive effect on my schedule, I just help someone because we always have to "give back". No, we don't always have to give back, we have to care to ourself and our families and then, if is positive for our system of affection, only then, give out something more.
Thanks for sharing.

Thanks this is so helpfull! ;)

I revisit this post often. Because it's great advice. Thanks for writing.

This post is a keeper - one I'll refer back to again, I'm certain. Thank you.

So moved and grounded by this that I have printed it and posted in my work area so I can remind myself when I need to take care of me!

I listened to your Tim Ferris interview during an insomniac session last night, and it was so intriguing that I voluntarily stayed alert the whole session and then and reviewed the show notes (and bookmarked your book reviews for later).

Anyhow, you said that you wished someone would do something so you could check out Germanism, Japanism, etc and as a recent graduate as an ESL teacher (English as a Second Language),I thought I would pass along a cool website - http://geert-hofstede.com/countries.html - I learned about in my Culture class, that while not exactly what you are looking for, does break down every country into how it culturally handles six major 'dimensions' and lets you compare to other countries, too. Very cool!

I actually plan to start a travel blog that addresses this very issue in 2016 (the ESL training is so that I can meet locals as I volunteer teach around the world). I'm tired of cathedrals, and when I look back on the highlights of my travels, its the people and natural wonders that I most enjoyed and remember. So when I go on my walkabout, that's what I'm going to focus on. Off track, sorry.

Anyhow, I hope you get something out of the website. I sure got A LOT out of your interview and am a fan! You are living out how I see the back half of my life going, and I especially responded to your Hell Yeah/No (and this blog post after a particularly yucky day).

Many thanks, Kit

When do you decide that people are fountains or drains? Giving time up for experiencing clutter removal or pelican interactions vs seeing what people can do over time to contribute is a decision, on what basis do you make it? Thanks.

Thank you. You have helped me a lot. I just listened to you on Tim's (who is one of my most-liked people). And I live in Austin and subscribe to Klein. I am a photographer-writer. See me at www.fineartamerica.com/profiles/bruce-slaugenhaupt.html
Thanks

I read this at the perfect time, THANK YOU!

Thank you for the great insights, I know I will use a lot of your great ideas!! Thank you for sharing ☺

Oh boy, did I need to read this today. An extended work issue plunged me into an unknown territory of despair, fear and anger. I'm out of it, but still picking up the pieces.
These are all basic bits of advice, but one has to be reminded to do them. And I REALLY thank you for that!

I am really drawn to the beauty and simplicity of this list. I am especially drawn to number 5. My take on it: Do the things that need doing, not because you feel like it, but because they need doing. And, yes, more points for team Present-Moment-Is-Fine, and fewer points for team Suffer-Argh-Suffer. Thank you.

Very useful tactics right now. Found most of this in your podcast with TIm, but this is more simple and specific.

Love it!

I've been in bad places before and it doesn't feel like I've got through them it just feel like I've had some people in my life whose maybe me happy for a while, i depend to much on other people i put to much love and care into other people, i have moments where i realise i need to evaluate my life and i search things up like this to help me et motivated but it doesn't motivate me i know everything you're saying every quote I've ever heard is right but i can't do it anymore the constant vein picked up and thrown back down again I've tried everything therapy, hypnotherapy attempting to get my life back together by reading things like this no matter how hard i try to get myself into that mental state i can't, but I've took this as a realisation of my own personality I'm weak, I'm not strong enough and thats why i rely on other people for my happiness

Me an my family live with my parents an it horrible fighting all the time not good for kids. I have a didabily my son has nephtic sydrome going to the specialist every month am seeing his doctor very week. An I have no money no job an is on social services an I have 3 kids an hit horrible staying where i am at I just wish I had my own place an a job am a car I can't work no one take me cuz of my disability slow learner . an have anxiety an just can't take all the preseaure all at once its all hitting me hard right now an I just don't no what else to do .

This is real, everyday, no more bullshit advice.

I am 56 years old. I stay in my room all the time. My cousin halls at me for eati g. Halls at me for taking a bath. And I pay half the bills. I need to get out. And she has 11 dogs.

I know that feeling of living in the ashes and not truly living
To the purpose and succeeding. My name is Sam Rangi, i live in Nea Zealand, Blenheim
This year has been terrible and Struggling, I lost 3 jobs in the past year due to meltdowns and anxiety attacks.
I have aspergers syndrome which is the reason for these meltdowns when things build up
Up with pressure. It's like a shaken coke bottle and once the lid magically opens
It is a rush of violent outbursts that can't be contained. There's a huge difference between a
Tantrum and meltdowns. Tantrums in adults and children is to gain attention
While a meltdown is neurological dysfunction.
Outside problems are the biggest incubator. People telling me what to do,
What to expect and what they want. It gets to much for me, they can't understand
Or they don't want to know. They critise me, reminding of my past mistakes and demonize
My decisions. While at least I've done some deep work the problems seem to reflect from my
Mind and mistakes. Giving my friends and family a chance to directly attack. It makes me
Feel like I can't live nor make a own decisions. It's frustrating. Now since I have been seeking support workers it feels like a trap to me. Since I never had help since I was 17, but I had the same problems when I had help. The support worker seems rather untrust worthy.
I have some new opportunities risen, where I can go to motukea and work on a orchard farmor stay here look for work and continue with counselling and have support. But I feel
Like living in my hometown is going to stagnant. I keep trying to make my parents happy and all they do is critise and belittle me, treating like a kid.
I have goals and dreams I want to successed in such as making a career in film making and storytelling, find a house and get married and have babies lol,
You probably think guys at my age, would leave the tought of having children somewhere in the back of they Minds. At this moment I hate my life and where I live, but if I stay here I can still rise or fall.

When you are feeling so bad that even doing the mundane stuff is hard, make a list of the bare minimum tasks you have to do and how long each task will take. Allow yourself to take breaks in between. It's easier to do the tasks if you can say to yourself that "Hey, the dishes will only take 10 minutes. That's not much." This really helps get things done. Exercise also really helps you feel better.

This blog post is a joy to read when I'm in a state of joy, which i am mostly these days. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to stay in touch after you back away from Facebook.

That was great. I "Know" most of this stuff, but being reminded in a voice different
than my own internal monologue was really helpful.

Great article. Helped me a lot.

Well done that's excellent and no doubt will be a great help to many. However, it's all based on the fact that everything destroying you, your quality of life and living is in your head and not reality, it's a very different when everything is very much reality and beyond your control. That's when many will turn to "God" only to discover that that too brings no answers and no change.

Wow- I've been in a funk for 20 years..I finally feel empowered by someone who thinks on the same level I did so many tears ago....

Beautiful. Thank you

What about your need for love?
What do you do with that?
Because love isn't always perfect...

This is so helpful thank you I will read it over and over I love #3. I will share it with a close friend we have a few things in common. I love helping others an I love you helping me. Thanks

Hi I need more time to get me together. And focus on what here and not about what could be

exactly what I needed!

Thank you so very much.for this. It came RIGHT on time for me. Thank you.

I’m so glad I read this article. I’ve read so many articles on how to manage a bad mental health and none of them have helped like this one. These points make so much sense to me and I realise what steps I need to take in order to get out of the bad place I’m currently in. Thank you for writing this :)

Amazing thoughts. It came as a blessing at the right time for me. Thank you.

For a bad time, or when clutter has built up:
What has helped me is borrowing or buying an American TV series DVD that was made with commercial breaks.

Then every time the screen goes black for a commercial, I hit the pause button, I get up and do something productive such as washing dishes or decluttering. That way I have TV fun and I am productive. For me, dishes are easier, but decluttering is hard. Better to have a lot of time with TV than not declutter at all.

I’m really glad I read this

Thanks Derek! Great timing as always!

This is great!

I totally agree....I have been being directed in this direction and instead of focusing on how I feel which may or may not be accurate to my here and now I am making a CONSCIOUS CHOICE to move in the direction that I believe God is directing me.
Thank you for this post.

I was reading the book Can You Learn to Be Lucky, and that is where I heard of you for the first time. I admire your positive attitude towards life. I am at somewhat of a standstill; yes, just trying to figure out what to do. Have written some poems; and reflect on the positives in the Bay Area in being in interesting companies as security. Where to go now, at 73, well, am getting there. Trying to keep up good health, however, need to lesson associations with negative people. I am happy to have heard of you. Be well. Beth

To add to my decluttering comment at #352,
it really helps me to have a list (on the last page of my pocket bank book) of things by category and geographic region, such as, for example, garbage or clothes, small room floor or north surfaces.

Since no one else is watching, I can make my regions realistically small.

This means I don't have to struggle with total home decision making, and means I get a success feeling with each category. And a break of watching TV.
As my mood gets better the list goes faster because there is less daily build up, until one day I say, "Wow, I used to be in bad head space, but not today."

Thanks. I've had a rough five years. I needed a reminder that dwelling on the bad serves no purpose. I do have access to good food. I have a roof over my head. And I am surrounded by beauty - I had just forgot to stop and look at it. Thanks for reminding me I once had a goal, before rare, incurable illnesses and life itself got in the way. I don't know who you are, or anything about you... but I came across you by searching on Google, ""I'm in a bad place mentally". I'm so glad I did. Again, thanks.

Beautiful and timely, thanks Derek!

Great article and I will practice it

Derek,
Thank you.
This is very helpful x ten million.
xo
Pamela

To get out of my bad state of mind, I work out, eat chocolates, and read books.

기분이 매우 좋지 않을 때 회복하는 나만의 방법
1. 걷는다.
2. 감정과 생각을 막 적어본다.
3. 끌리는 음악을 듣거나, 맛있는 음식을 먹거나, 포근한 이불속에 들어가 한숨 자거나, 기분좋아지는 향을 맡거나 - 오감에서 느껴지는 행복을 ’만끽’해본다.

시간이 지나면 가라 앉는다