Derek Sivers
What's in It for Them? - by Joe Polish

What's in It for Them? - by Joe Polish

ISBN: 1401960103
Date read: 2023-02-11
How strongly I recommend it: 5/10
(See my list of 360+ books, for more.)

Go to the Amazon page for details and reviews.

I like Joe and love what he’s done with his Genius Network. The book is a good reminder of the importance of networking, and some insights from an expert.

my notes

“Networking” has come to mean shallow conversations, transactional relationships, and the anxiety of impressing other people so that they’ll do something for you.

People who are interested in personal development read a lot of books. They are always looking for new ideas and concepts to take them to the next level.

If you understood the atmospheric conditions of everyone’s life, it would make sense why they do what they do and why they behave the way they behave.
The better you understand their context, the better you can connect.
We multiply our suffering through our attachment to the thoughts and stories we tell ourselves about our experiences
Ask about anyone, “How are they suffering, and how can I help?”

People get stuck in small talk because they don’t know how to listen or how to genuinely be themselves.

Selling is getting someone intellectually engaged in a future result that’s good for them, and getting them to emotionally commit to take action to achieve that result.

Know who you are, be honest about that, and focus on the other person.
Bring your real self to interactions.
To connect with other people, you have to be okay with yourself.

Communicating = an exchange of energy and information. Exploring each other and learning.
Connecting = beyond communication, forming a deeper bond.

Using rapport to connect with people is great, but using rapport to manipulate is wrong.
To have rapport, you first develop comfort and trust.
Comfort must come first.

Trust is comfort plus time.
How do we know that they’re not just on their best behavior?
What if what they’re showing us is a front?
What if they’re trying to get something from us by being funny or nice or helpful?
In truth, deep trust can only be established over time, because time proves a person’s reliability.

Mention a weakness or shortcoming before mentioning your strengths.

Ask people three great questions:
Where are you?
Where do you want to go?
How are you going to get there?
(also great to apply to yourself)

I invest more time, attention, money, effort, and energy into my relationships than I do anything else, and I do so on the longest timeline possible.

What problem needs to be solved in your life?
What would your life or business look like if you were able to solve that problem?
What would the three biggest benefits be of solving that problem?
Who do you know who can help you solve the problem?

Be useful, grateful, and valuable to people.
Who are the people that you would always answer the phone for and what kind of traits do they have in common?

You don’t fall in love with another person; you fall in love with who you get to be around them.

Relax into being who you most want to be.

People who have had extremely negative or traumatic experiences can be attracted to people and situations that make them feel the same way because it’s familiar.
What causes me pain?
What am I overly sensitive about?
What am I not sensitive enough about?
What am I biased toward?
Based on my life experiences, where might I have some blind spots?
Did you learn some of those things from your family?
Write down explanations from your past about why you wrote what you did.
Did you learn some of those things from your family?
From romantic relationships?
From friendships or your environment?
Write down what you learned about yourself - and how you will plan to lean into your strengths and be more aware of your weaknesses.

What is hysterical is historical.
If you overreact or underreact to something, that reaction is tied to something that happened in your past.

You are paid for your work in five distinct ways: by being...

The difference between lettuce and garbage is timing.

You can gauge the value of many relationships by how often you laugh with the other person.

A calm and modest life brings more happiness than the pursuit of success combined with constant restlessness.

If you have a desire to act on a goal and don’t act immediately, your brain basically kills it.

When someone reaches out to my team or runs into me in person and asks, “Can I interview you for my podcast?” I ask, “Have you listened to any of my other podcasts?”

People want me to connect them to people I know without providing something of value that makes the connection make sense.
I can’t make introductions based on half-baked requests.

Be well positioned, high-status (earned, not faked), valuable, and useful so people want to go deeper and learn more about you.