Think like a bronze medalist, not silver

As usual, the “you” I address here is myself. Though I'd been telling this medalist metaphor to friends for years, yesterday I had a moment of anger and regret at one of those marketplace scenarios, and suddenly had to remember, “Oh yeah. I’m thinking like the Silver, not Bronze.” So came here to post this reminder.

And that is why it is good to travel around the world, makes you realise how incredibly lucky you are and how much you've got having been born e.g. in Europe. Luis C.K. is great, you too Derek, warm greetings from Poland

"Compare down" how funny to put it that way. Everything you said is good to think about. Being grateful for where you are, what you have and have accomplished---is the main point. I've been on both sides----disgruntled for what didn't happen (and clearly should have! :) and deeply grateful for my milestones and the co-creators along the way that helped and inspired and uplifted me. I'm grateful for you, Derek. : D

Nothing like gratitude to change the old attitude. Thanks Derek

Excellent perspective

Great article Derek! Thanks for the email link!

Thank you for a useful and fresh pair of eyes (attitude) Derek!

Loved this, Derek. So true. And also LOVE the Louis C.K. clip... one of my favorites, next to his "favorite thing" shtick. Heard you on Tim Ferriss for the first time, and have been a fan ever since. Thanks for doing what you do.

Love this!! Perspective changes everything!

Derek,
This is a classic example of a post which makes someone's life better.
Grateful and proud to be part of your mailing list.
Thank you for a the simple and brilliant way you
Put things in perspective.

A good friend of mine who quit his job to become a benefits/Charity auctioneer, called me before he had his first auction and said, Well, it's sink or swim time." I told him not to think like that. Going into his first auction, I told him, if he was looking for a swimming metaphor, to think like Mark Spitz and go for as many gold medals as possible. To this day he tells me he always remembers that advice. Of course now he thinks more like Micheal Phelps. Although he doesn't always come away with all gold, he is sometimes a silver or bronze and sometimes just a competitor. The point is he's in the pool and too many just don't take the plunge in the first place. Even if you don't get bronze - Dive into Life!

There is some interesting commentary on this in "Willpower". The overall advice (identical to what is captured here, in a less snappy presentation) is to look "up" to drive yourself to excel (or to the next level) and to look "down" for satisfaction.

I'll admire Derek for his sterling character and note that "Willpower" is one of the books that is highly rated in the book review section. I'll certainly second that recommendation.

So you are not sad that millions aren't singing your music but you're happy that 2000 are? YES!

That makes a lot of sense. Its the right psychological way. Do the thing that produces the best and most happy result. Deep wisdom.

Hard to do though.

Thanks for the article Derek. We need to be happy with what we've got and realise how fortunate we are. It's good to try to improve ourselves, but not be too driven. I have an old Ford car which I am happy with, it's a good runner and I have no desire for a new car, because my old motor gets me where I need to go.

Very good food for thought. Much to be grateful for
in life. Be well Derek ☺

I love this - the whole thing with comparisons can be such a trap!

I think also, the key with ambition (and ambition is important and useful as a motivation IMO), is to balance it with acknowledgement. If you can celebrate each small accomplishment - each day how you've surpassed yourself, each day who you touched and what you can celebrate - while still focusing on the goal, the long-term outstanding accomplishment you are striving for - you will be happier, healthier and have a LOT more fun along the way!

Hi Derek,

I have always been thankful for your help in getting my music played, I have had a CD that's still being played around the world after 12 years ! amazing. I really don't know what envy feels like since I've never been jealous or envious in my life. the work is satisfying and I hope people enjoy it. simple.
Thanks for the article !

EP

I like to be silver when my brain is active and I analyze and model others' behavior to improve myself. But then I like to be bronze when I want to relax, for example before bedtime.

Living in Brazil has helped me appreciate (even more) what I have. We may only have 1 bathroom (my administrative assistant with no kids has 5!), but I know people without running water. Getting out of our little corner of the world can really help us. That forth place guy is at THE olympics. Even the last place guy made it to the games.

I think I'm more like a 5k runner... people trotting along in a costume, smiling and waving at the crowd, raising money for charity... doing a little dance just because I managed to reach the finish line at all. Yep, that person running in fancy dress is happiest of all...

Thank you Derek, for the reminder to look on the bright side of things!

Great article! Love your stuff. I gave a dozen of your books to friends and clients. One of them bought a copy for everyone on their leadership team!
Knepp it up!

Elegant technique and good advice. The Louis C.K. sketch is spot-on.

The ultimate superpower is to be able to control one's experience. Then, lots of other things are important, but they can all be learned, achieved - or not, bit by bit and after time is taken.

I realize that your writing is always all about about your journey of self-discovery, and previously thought that the bits of humility that surfaced from time to time in your sound-bite length essays demonstrated that you understood that success, however it is defined, is all about luck. But one tires of constant reminders that Derek still has not grown up, still craves attention, and continues to pretend that the themes glossed over so lightly are original.

Derek, we have nothing to learn from your public displays of narcissism. Once upon a time, you dreamed up a good scheme, worked hard to implement it, made bundles of money, and then sold out to the man. Now we're left to deal with the deception wrought by the new owners of your business as they continue to pretend that the business does good things for people by capitalizing on the nascent reputation. I guess that's what the new owners paid for when they cashed you out.

Like any successful business, yours was based upon selling an image while making money from the naivete of the customer base. And like other people who have made bundles of money, you can never really repay the debt you owe to the people you exploited, workers and customers, while on the road to financial success. Rockefeller handed out dimes. You hand out trite essays.

This can be linked to Dr. Zombardo's notion of being present satisfied versus present dissatisfied. Dr. Zombardo suggests that we need to be happy about our past, moderately happy about or present (occasionally dissatisfied to foster growth), and quite actively thinking about the future. You of course wrote about this in your book notes on The Time Paradox ;)

I agree with you! I would add that there isn't only one competition, every gig, concert etc.. is new, and shouldn't be compared to the last. Thinking of others is an important one for me as well.
Always love reading your thoughts.

Outstanding! Thank you for the reminder. Gratitude is key. As a competitor, we are conditioned for gold. The journey should be one guided by gold...the path towards the goal makes us...the result of the effort is one of the following: gold, silver, bronze, and out of the medals. It takes courage to take the next step after disappointment but we must...that's the playing field were gratitude and faith play BIG! thanks!

Think like a gold medalist and dont care about anything else.
If you have time to think about this - you dont do your stuff 101%

Derek,

You are the man! This is an amazing post, what an incredible prospective. Thank you so much for taking the time to create this for us :)

I know that you have recently decided to stop answering emails/inquiries but I was wondering:

**what are you focusing on most right now?/next 6 months?**

I appreciate your consideration,
Clay Steadman

Better is the enemy of Good.

So damned true. And the Louis CK clip had me doubled over with laughter.

Long live Derek and Louis!

A very good point, Derek, and a gift.

Nice post, good way to think about things Derek!

One has to be careful when comparing oneself to others. Everyone has a different body and brain and past experiences. It's healthier to learn from others instead. What to do or what not to do. You are the only person in the world that has your mental and physical makeup. You should compare yourself today to the person you were yesterday or last year to see if you've improved and how you can continue to improve.

As a dad of two busy boys - all I can say is bronze starts to become your reality pretty quick with these little rug rats humbling my wife and I at every turn... :)
Bronze Mentality = Expect Nothing, Appreciate Everything.

Good thoughts. Your, among others, writing has been a significant influence on my perspective. You first came to my attention 6 or 7 years ago with a picture of a wall with the slogan "all the best things in life aren't things". Gratitude has constantly expanded as my way of living, always looking for ways to improve, always grateful for the opportunity to participate. Never thought allowing myself to be vulnerable to failure would have such a magnificent effect on my success. Thank you, nice to have you back.

Keep your goals within your reach or you'll never reach your goals

So important to remember. Thank you Derek. I was just thinking and feeling I wasn't enough ____ fill in the blank. So many categories to choose from! This is an example of belittling my value for what I have done and that I've got more time and energy to continue to do and be. I will be using this clear navigation tool. Bronze is my new goal . Grateful that I've been able to do and be what I've done so far and looking forward to more. Thank you again for taking time to communicate with us.

Hey Derek! I'm 25 and an entrepreneur myself and this positive approach in life helps me whenever things aren't going as planned. Thanks for sharing :)

Danilo Castro
Angolan living in Portugal

Love this! Thanks for sharing Derek!

I tend to focus on people who are less well-off than I am when I think about material things. How can I be ungrateful when most people live on less than two dollars a day? Is it not true that if you have shelter, daily provisions, and security you have the whole world and all it contains?

However, I look up to people who are more spiritually inclined or with better character than me. I aspire to emulate them. In turn, this gives me true fulfillment and growth thus moving me closer to purposefull living. When we live with purpose, we cant help but express gratitude and happiness.
Envy and gratitude can't coexist. Hatred and gratitude are mutually exclusive.

Finally, I have realized that results are never in my hands. I am only responsible for my efforts. Many results that I really craved ending up as nightmares for me. On the other hand, my supposed nightmare results ending up being the best possible outcome for me on so many levels that I could not even imagine. Even though we may not like it, sometimes it is better to win no medal at all.

Thanks Derek for making this world a little better. Peaceful day brother.

Well written, Derek. It's almost the same as the runner principle my father taught me.
As long as the race is on, keep running and aim further. But once it's finished, just look back and see how far you've made.
Or something like that, can't articulate it well (my English vocab is getting rusty).

If only more people were focused on being grateful to what they have, we would all be minimalist in a healthy sense of this word. I think competition of any type ultimately exhausts itself in it's own limitation. At the end of the day we all compete in our own category. Really inspiring read as always and makes me reflect what should be done to change the world (by world I mean individual including self). Would the world be a happier place with no competition at all, as a concept, if it disappeared, are we entering the age of crystalizing our unique expressions? If so, I don't think that we have facilities to support that development in an organized way.

Excellent article, I achieved happiness in my music career when I practiced this very same perspective...for me, gratitude with steady ambition is key!

Great! Thanks Derek,ive picked up a few bronzes,gold and silvers along the way☺

Thanks Derek, I'm slowly (and painfully!) learning that a change in perspective is so much more effective than a change in circumstance when trying to be content. Your thoughts here are in harmony, much appreciated.

Some are happy always putting up a fight. Not a problem, unless it affects others negatively.

Yes, attitude of gratitude. LOA. Focus on what you have, not what you lack. I get it.

Made me think of the Stoics' technique of negative visualization to combat hedonic adaptation.

I used to feel like imagining what could be worse didn't take away my dissatisfaction. If someone else is in a wheelchair how does that make my being on crutches feel better? It doesn't, but that isn't the point.

In the end it's more about awareness, isn't it?

As someone who missed going World Cup and olympic in skiing by 1 spot, and about 1/10th a point, I always look at it like damn, what could I have done to do better. Though I also know, I made it much further than most ever do.

For me, I'm always looking at what can I improve to make things better.

That is a good point Derek, and reminds me of this bitter personality, who couldn't stand to be second: http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/david-letterman-ugly-personality-no-laughing-matter-colleagues-article-1.2995387

As the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" mentions, suffering, insecurity, and dissatisfaction are biologically useful. They keep us innovating, striving.

But being miserable from thinking of a theoretical outcome, after you have done your best effort, not a good thing!

> Ambition versus gratitude.
> Looking up versus looking how far you’ve come.

Nice, thanks for sharing wonderful thoughts.

Hey Derek,

Agree that gratitude is so important.

Tony Robbins has said that we will never be truly happy if we put outside expectations on attaining the happiness we desire. What we should do instead is find that happiness inside ourselves, no matter what we have.

In this essence, we trade our expectations for appreciation. We focus less on what we don't have, and revel in what we do; in turn, this creates more fuel for our ambitions to go after and create what we don't, because we're doing it from a place of abundance rather than scarcity.

Loved the article - thanks so much for sharing it!

Best,
Blake

When you recently announced your decision to withdraw from being such an active advocate for everyone else I was selfishly disappointed. Your voice, your perspective, often surprising and unexpected, would be missed.

Happy to see from this posting that you are continuing to think in stimulating and thought-provoking ways and willing to share that point of view with us.

Thank you.

Being grateful for what you have means you can never lose. You will never be recentful for what you don't have, when you are grateful.

Hello Derek,
Nice to hear from you.
Did a nice trick yesterday mate! Tripped & fell on the concrete out back.
Bark off right hand, left knee, left side, head. Rib broken I think. OUCH!
A musician's lot is not a happy one!

Glad to hear you are back playing. Son!, It is the only intelligent thing we know how to do. Good for the soul.
Met a really nice bloke in Italy. Roberto Prosseda of Milan. He plays pedal piano too! Checkumout. On YOUTUBE. Plays 2 Steinways at once! 2 hands 2 feet!
Has been to the States, killed your mob.
If you decide to fall, do it on the grass dear genius! (much softer)!

Afternoon Derek! ☺ Yes, for sure perspective is attitude..I think too, when we are given a gift, ie, music..is a Gift..and I am always thankful for a gift given to me, but part of the fun is too see what you can do with it! Not waste it, use it, let it grow, share it, help others...part of the exciting journey! Like a garden well tended with flowers that bloom..! Have a beautiful day Derek! Rachel☺

Happy to be alive🙏And I and grateful❤️️. After a career of being paid to perform for many years and also travel and see the world playing music
And making films, I find myself talking to trees and bushes
And receiving the best advice. That and twitter keeps me amused
With humor and an occasion to drag myself to the kitchen
For good eats and a homemade tooth cookie for our beloved Charliebyrd 🐾

deep yet simple, totally Derek Sivers! Love it!

Derek, Brilliant as usual. I most certainly appreciate the timely reminder.

Like the idea because it keeps you in optimism zone instead of being bitter.
The counter example is a key point to this article, though. Because, like any good concept, it can be used in a not so good way if someone uses it to keep themselves in the comfort zone.
Glad you added that counter example.

It's amazing how much of the world is actually inwardly focused yet so many look outwardly... and often inaccurately...

I liked this - gratitude rather than greed, is what I ended up with as a thought, although maybe the term you used, ambition (or striving), is better than saying greed? But looking back and being thankful or appreciative of all that we have accomplished is a very good thing to do. But that shouldn't stop us from striving to do a little better, if we can. The only thing that I would add is that it's good if the gratitude is focussed - so not a global gratitude for being alive or not living in poverty as some do (which is wrong and needs action or striving), but rather the specifics that led to your current position or opportunity that you're enjoying - so it's more personal and releases you to do other things rather than ruminate.

That''s exactly what I'm working on right now
And I loved the video! Couldn't say it better

Love it!!

Keep you expectations low and there's less likelihood that you'll be disappointed. The baboon that's being used for experimental purposes doesn't know he is serving a higher purpose and likewise the ordinary hapless human doesn't realise that it's not necessary to have accomplished wonderous achievements in order to serve a purpose

I quite agree about the importance of gratitude. It's indispensable for emotional and spiritual health. Please see my post on "Being Thankful:"

http://endurancefreeliving.com/being-thankful/

A little light bulb went off when listening to your talk with Tim Ferriss on his podcast a little while back and for me my reviewed definition of success (as I try and define it) is a musician that makes a living from their uncompromising work.

Taking a further page out of your philosophy on thinking (slow), it can't just all be about money, money, money as I used to define 'success'.

I see my close friends (family with one or two kids) who are are seemingly better off than my family, they have a house or two, a few cars, well paying jobs and yet have the same and/or more intense arguments/struggles than my family does and they are really struggling to keep it all together. It's a cruel game this life at times.

I keep repeating this in my head of late which ties in with your counterpoint/counter arguments that you've made mention of previously..

it's

"looking for the ordinary in the extraordinary"

I find it can be applied in all situations and will try and keep it with me as really find it helps me take a step back when feeling overwhelmed and shitty basically with where I am at my life at times.

Awesome article, Derek!
It's gratitude. Gratitude is an untidot of envy.
Being grateful gives a feeling of the gold medalist 😊

Another way to pursue your ambitions relates to your analogy of the Bronze Medalist - I. E. :"never compare: Say to yourself, "I am happy & proud that I have An Olympic Medal - because I have grown and learned enough to achieve medal level - so now I use this experience to go to the next level."

I love your insights into life. They helped me change my life for the better. Great work!
thank you!
Cheers from Poland ☺

It is sad that our civilization only remember the gold medalist. As a kid I use to run the 100 and 200 . I was happier to win the silver than the bronze. I was second , not third. Of course,I was trying for gold but you know what, a silver is pretty good. We cannot win them all. Stock market, I make money, I am happy but you also need to take some precaution not to lose too much. It is not a game. I am not saying I am always happy but I do my best and if ( and I do sometimes) I make a repetitive mistake, I know I need to correct it. My opinion.

This idea has been expressed many ways.

Cynically: "Being a pessimist means you'll either be right or you'll be pleasantly surprised."

Pragmatically: "You'll have a happier life if you lower your expectations."

Personally I'm a bit sick of all the modern, overly positive psychobabble that everyone is a winner. I prefer to stay reality based. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, soldier on.

I have been thinking about the same paradox for a while.

For me, the best approach is to keep looking up and moving forward. But also, I don't forget to take breaks, look back and be happy because of the progress I have made.

The key for me is to be driven and grateful at the same time. It's definitely easier said than done. So, I'm always trying to remind myself of this. Thanks for reminding me again, Derek. :)

Bull's eye, Derek! Especially regarding one's own situation - contrasting it with past, present and possible (better) future conditions can really wreck havoc in the mind if one has the "ambition" attitude; gratitude is the way to go - makes me more happier and healthier at least! :)

Thanks!!!

‘Comparisons are odious.’ - there’s a flat statement containing substance.

Jody just missed out on a chance of Olympic glory, berates herself in terms of ‘what could I have done better’ but still acknowledges that she made it much further than most and that ... ‘For me, I'm always looking at what can I improve to make things better.’

Cheers to you Jody for finding a balanced, open viewpoint - and one which doesn’t dwell too much on ‘what may have been.’

As far as you, Derek, being a sell out and a narcissist - if I’m going to add my thoughts regarding an article you write, probably better not to read other comments first.

Again - comparisons are odious. Why? Because I never know the whole story, of how many obstacles were there for one while for the other, the sun smiled.

‘You are surrounded by powerful neighbours so look neither to the left nor the right - it’ll just make your heart sore and diminish your own energies.’ .... that was the gist of a line of thought I was given and the echo of that, for me, is gratitude. That’s when I’m not feeling bitter and twisted, of course.

Gratitude that my fingers are still flexible enough to find a few notes on the guitar and - yes - in my mid sixties this endeavour is not likely to do anything more than ‘go for bronze’ but so what? It brings me joy.

Hey Derek and all - I’m still on a voyage of discovery regarding the inner and the outer world. Nothing narcissistic about that nor in the sharing. I’d hope it would be the same for all of us though I know that actually isn’t the ‘truth.’

Love love love this! What a wonderful way to think, be and live. Thank you!

BULLSHIT!

Seit dankbar für das was ihr habt anstatt danach zu fragen was ihr haben könntet.
Das hat die DDR 40 Jahre lang so durchgezogen. (Schröder hat das auch so gemacht)

Mach dein Ding und gut is.
Wen juckts ob du 10. oder 3. bist, zieh dein Ding durch und lerne durch Fehlschläge. Vielleicht fehlen Sivers die Fehlschläge, anyway, wer anfängt sich daran zu messen auf welcher von aussen bemessenenen Leiter er steht, hat schon verloren. Bronze Silber Titanium Adamantium - whatever.

Great perspective. Happiness is wonderful and it comes from being satisfied.

"Ambition over gratitude." Had chosen the latter of late, Derek, and discovered the untapped good that I never knew I had. Thanks for this view.

I' was for a while a regular volunteer Reiki therapist in my local hospice - in fact, I wrote my second album to use in my treatments to help patients relax. I've spent a lot of time talking and being with people with terminal cancer, and dealing with that condition radically changes one's perceptions of what's important in life. Cancer patients don't look back on their lives and say 'I wish I'd been more competitive.' They're much more likely to wish they had lived each moment more fully, especially those with friends and family, and not wasted so much time being restless and striving for things which were ultimately lacking in true meaning. Because of that, the hospice is a place full of lightness and laughter - people finally feel free to let go of needing to be first, second, third or any position at all!

Very Stoic.

I heard a great talk by Fred Luskin at Stanford a few years back, and he is involved with the Happiness Institute there...they studied people in many different cultures and the three things that seemed to make people happy:
1. Meaning and Purpose (and our culture tends to confuse that with wealth and fame).
2. Giving to others
3. Deepening relationships

That's what I think about when I'm not feeling good...how I can add more of those to my days...
thanks,
Nancy

Its a great example Derek of why your happiness is symbiotically connected to your frame of mind. Startups are disappointed if they dont become the next FB. When I get disappointed with a track performance as a masters athlete - my fellow athletes say - are you kidding - how many 58 year olds can run 400m in 58 secs!? Relativity can make you happy or sad - your choice. Many thanks.

Thanks Derek - good reminder to get into this head space. I appreciate your musings and writings, and hope all is very well with you :)

I'd like to apply Stoic thinking in this area. Focus totally on what I have control over. Comparing my performance with the past's. Taking the gold medalist as a reference and learning material. As long as I'm doing better than the past, I'm happy. :)

Great thought! The important point is that we forget this little but useful insight so often in our daily lives.

Sivers.. you did it again. Wow. You went for bronze here and struck gold!!

Exactly. Like 7 years of surgery and training. Instead of complaining: "why me" focus can be on your results and your future posibilities. And of course that it could be worse.

This comes at a very interesting time for me and is in my view is something we would be doing well to focus on more. I just climbed part of a mountain for the first time and after the event part of me was dissatisfied about not having got to the summit, whereas another kinder, perhaps wiser part of me was reminding me about how I could be grateful and fulfilled I could feel about getting as far as I did. Thanks for this Derek!

I'm my world, 2nd place is first loser.

Good analogy. It certainly can apply to many aspects of life. Folks need to see the positive side of their decisions. The music industry is such a roll of the dice. So many talented people. Like acting. Connections. Who you know. Other people's jealousy. Timing.

My client works so much. Great bandleader, singer, world class master percussionist, composer...plus he's handsome, charismatic & funny. And kind. Great following. But getting to that "next level"? Lots of pressure on me. And it's not my primary gig or my dogs would starve.
H
I wonder what's the biggest motivator for the stress? Money or fame? His, not mine. I'm happy the way I am and where I am.

Thanks Derek. Glad you are sharing again.

This is a wake-up call for me as I keep compare my "broken English" with native speaker/first language and it is dragging me down all the time.
Instead, I need to realize that my friends back home can't even start or maintain a conversation in English. So, in this case, I'm standing "on the winner's podium" after all.
The point is, I can feel the honor and reward of being a "bronze medalist" when "comparing down" and at the same time be aware of the journey and opportunities ahead without having to "comparing up".
I want to be a "gold medalist" but first I must recognize, appreciate and enjoy being a "bronze medalist".
It is time to celebrate "the podium"...

Thanks for this! It's a tough attitude to keep and a great one to have. Easy to complain about what isn't and hard to appreciate what is.
Especially for us driven perfectionist types.
I'll try to take that to work with me tomorrow... because honestly I'm lucky to be playing with the big dogs.

I needed to hear that, Love it, Very helpful for me at the moment, Thank you

Excellent Article - Thanks Derek!

I said the same thing to my friend as soon as I read about the study of silver and bronze medalists from Micheal Lewis's latest book!

Perfect example of this happened during the Olympics here in China. A girl named Fu Yuanhui was stunned and overwhelmed with joy when she won the bronze medal for swimming.

Definitely check out the adorable video of her reaction here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn0nPGfH1HI
class="response">Great example! Thanks for posting this! Direct example in the middle of the video. — Derek

Some brands like Nike embraced, or still embrace, or wanted others to embrace a different perspective:

"You don't win silver, you lose gold".

m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnLCeXMHzBs

I'm grateful for evolving perspectives.

A wise person once said, "control your focus, control your life"...wait, I think that was you! ;)

Hi Derek,

You are absolutely right. This way you can stay happy and content in life. But if you keep comparing your self to something below, how do we develop the motivation to go ahead. I think we need to strike a balance between both in order t be happy and grow at the same time. What are your thoughts.

Thanks and Regards,

Dinesh Ghanta

Derek

Interesting. I love stories of vantage point making a difference.

However, for me, I will stick with the dream of gold. It works most of the time as I understand it is the result that matters, not simply giving something one's best.

But it is true that everyone's mileage will vary.

—ski

This one really struck a nerve with me.

By setting extraordinary high standards as a rule, I have set myself up for self-branding as an 'underachiever'...even though I have had the opportunity to do things and see things and garner approval from a dizzying range of folks that marvel at my output and accomplishments, and appreciate me more than I appreciate myself.

Now my adversarial inner game sure feels like my 'hamartia,' i.e. my tragic flaw. Getting my heart and head aligned with maximizing every INCOMPARABLE moment is a great challenge, but it helps to have a huge obstacle clarified.

Thank you, Derek.

I think the main takeaway is the importance of gratitude, always, no matter what is going on in our lives. It's a frame of reference that just moves the dial to peacefulness. Like you, I saw this kind of envy vibe a lot when I used to tour with music. One time in a green room, an artist who had one pretty big hit was going on and on about how mad she was that her record label was prioritizing the next big (younger and blonder etc.) somebody now over her. Me, I was well "below" HER on the ladder, just hoping that we'd have enough to cover gas to our next gig. I looked at her and said, "but you get to do this at all! That is amazing!" She looked really shocked and not too happy with me, so I am not sure if the message was received, but it's mainly something to remind myself.

well u are right yet comparing to less seems very difficult for me!!
Gratitude for any achievement is a noble thing..for sure..
i know im a slow runner but super fast swimmer so i focus on what i do well.

Knowing myself well i only get upset for not winning a better medal if i know i can do it....but i have very realistic expectations for myself ..

If you know you can scale a mountain do it or at least try..
it has to with knowing our strong points an focusing on them an let our weaker talents go..

life is so short. if you know you can do it i say go for the gold medal..long as it is a realistic expectation

This is a pretty timely article for me as the past day or so I've been feeling a bit stressed out due to my own comparisons to others in a similar field to me. It's natural to try and compare ourselves to others, although I don't typically think about the past and how far I've come along. Comparisons to others in general tends to do nothing good for you and if anything just eats away at your joy. I'll definitely do my best to "compare down", or looking back on how far you've come along in your own journey. You don't need to be in the top 1% to be happy about what you're doing.

Don't strive for straight A's in school, you can pass with D's. Don't try to be the best at your job, you make the same as the other guy doing less work. Don't strive to buy a nice house for your wife and children, you can get by in a low income housing. Shooting for not being the worst and being happy about it is the wrong perspective. You should try to be the best that you can and if you aren't better than the next guy, learn to be proud of what you've accomplished.

Another great idea found it very interesting I saw you speak at a Taxi conference n LA and enjoyed your ideas for music 🎶 promotion

Thanks Derek. This is everything:

"But most of the time, you need to be more grateful for what you’ve got, for how much worse it could have been, and how nice it is to have anything at all."

We've been dealing with a tough situation at home (significant health issue with my 7y/o son) and this crystallizes the state of mind I'm working toward. Thanks for putting it so succinctly.

Great stuff! Keep them coming!

Some people say looking down creates mediocrity, never advancing what ever the subject happens to be. When the subject is life, my grandfather used to say, "things could be worse." This came from an incredibly well adjusted and happy man respectful of all people who survived harrowing ordeals in WW1 and through the Great Depression. For me, stellar achievement is satisfying, but achieving my grandfather's grace with living is the ultimate measure of a successful life.

How true. Nice article.i usually don't read most articles sent to me but yours I always read and enjoy. Keep sharing. Thanks
Michele

Interesting point. We are constantly bombarded with the idea that we have to be #1 and nothing else counts. What a depressing way to look at life.

But how to remember thinking like a bronze-medalist...? If I could internalise this single concept in my daily life I would be double happy.

Too true Derek. Gratitude is the greatest opiate.

Ain't nothing wrong with a good old comparison. If you want to win it's wise - comparing down - to be happy.

What strikes me though is why I'm spending energy on comparing myself all together. It keeps my attention on the past. which is already gone. When in most situations I'm not even in any tournament.

Thanks Derek! Great perspective!

Thanks for sharing this. It's exactly what I needed to hear this evening!

Thanks for reminding yourself in public. This advice is gold, right here!
<3

Great read. Thanks for the reminder!

In high school, a friend placed third in a track meet and, in the process, set a new school record. The second place runner did the same for his school but was upset at not winning. In his excitement, my buddy reminded him that he set his school record...then it was hi-fives all around. That was 50 years ago and I use that to remind myself that the glass is always half full...thanks for the reminder.

Personal best is the constant bar. I am a life long player. It's all I have ever done professionally. I started out in the very beginning (50 years ago) emulating what inspired me (racing against, if you will) and very quickly was competing against myself for skill advancement and improvment. That is the only competitive model that works for me in artistic persuits because using competition as a model misses individuality in the equation and that is an essential component to include. Although honor and accolades are wonderful percs (bronze, silver, gold) and are great for getting accolades in ones field, they are hollow if they don't feel like we have exceeded our own previous bests. We see a lot of self destructive behavior in people who seem to have achieved everything the world has to offer, perhaps because a sense of personal excellence is lacking. I don't think impressing the outside world is the best catalyst in the long run, it is constant self improvement and evolution that is the constant carrot.

Since it's only human to make comparisons, it just makes SENSE to compare "down"! Thanks, Derek! XO - M

This is on the mark. This country does its best to push you to think upward. Keeps you spending beyond your means and and keeping you unhappy.Then the gov't can do what ever they want knowing it will not help us and only them.
In what ever one has done they have come a long way if they would look one step down or behind them self where they have already left that spot.
Thank you once again.
TerryLee
Music4Winds.com

It's been said, "There are two ways to be rich,,,have enough money to buy anything you desire or,,,desire only what you have enough money to buy."

Hee. This reminds me of when I was a junior in college. I was quite happy with my X.88 GPA, which I'd worked very hard for. When a good semester bumped me up to X.89, I groaned, because now I was going to feel obligated to work even harder for an X.9. The illogic of my reaction was apparent even to me, but there it was.

Yes, or otherwise put, the competitive mindset is informed by ego, while the other on gratitude. One is living in the future, the other in the present.

Hey Derek
Well said. Are you still looking for an illustrator for your blog posts? I'd love to throw my hat in that ring. dribbble.com/wwwoodall

Great metaphor, though thinking upward is not necessarily bad. It's what propels us to do better, create more, and be constantly and incrementally improving. The KEY though is that you have to compare yourself only to YOURSELF, to the person you were yesterday. No one else.

There are so many things I'd like to get better at - being a father, better at my craft, better at loving and taking care of my people. In that case, the three people on the podium are all me - from today, yesterday, and a year ago. Then I want to be in the GOLD place. Sometimes I make it. And sometimes I don't even make the finals...

Just thank you... I'm always appreciative of your good advice on perspective.

Next week I get to be a roadie for Madison WI band SUNSPOT on their tour down to SXSW via Nashville and New Orleans. It's something I always wanted to do and doesn't really compare with anything. I have never been to NOLA and this is a way to see it on the cheap.

Keep reasonable expectations and everything will be better.

This is so great! I love it! :) Great article Derek.

Greed and avarice are traits to be avoided for all the reasons cited.
The definition of the the SUCCESS might be a better place to start.
I am a success because I have set out to do my music and have completed 6 CDs that i am proud of. I am also a success because I make my living doing live performances. I am a success because I have said what I felt needed to be said and am sure I have helped many people in different ways by relaying my experiences etc.

wait a minute.
you could be running in a different race.
or:
what about the tortoise and the hare?
or:(alcoholic simili)
glass half full vs glass half empty
or:
did you ever ambition to WIN anyway?

materialism can reach a saturation point,
past which, you get diminuishing returns.
winners and losers is a really dodgy concept.
("hah..LOSER!")
Be. enjoy your trip.

Thanks Derek. You have an amazing perspective and way of communication. So the lesson I took from this article is that we need to be ambitious in gratitude. We need to improve and become better to hit the gold but at the same time be full of gratitude like the bronze medalist.

thanks again ! Keep sharing your great perspectives.

With gratitude !!!

Hey Derek. The thing I like about this is the gratitude part. In this life if you are unable to have gratitude in your attitude I think you truly miss the point of any success. So I love that analogy! Find me a happy person and them tell me that they don't have gratitude in there heart...I will find that hard to believe if they dont. Peace. Jim Vilandre www.jimvilandre.com

Good analogy, Derek. Believe me--"ingratitude is the world's most universal sin."

I knew where you were starting with this when I read the subject line but where you took it surprised me. I actually needed this reminder and reframing today. Thanks D

Thanks for writing this. I'm planning on traveling the world to live a different kind of life. A life focused on experiences and learning, and not about comparison or material things. I hope to be in Singapore one day and maybe we can have lunch at a hawker center?

This is great, I haven't heard until recently good references to the "Paradox of Choice" which I found had no resolution.

Thank You Derek,

best regards,
Jan

Wonderful reminder. Thank you for the perspective

The second is the first loser. 😂 - Thanks for your perspektive. Love this!

will definitely use this :) thanks Derek!

I like how you use the phrase "surprisingly good" as opposed to Schwartz's description of satisficing as choosing what's "good enough."

I was going to reference The Paradox of Choice in my comment, but when I saw your P.S., I remembered that it was your notes that referred me to that book in the first place!

Thanks Derek!

Great reminder. This idea pushes me into my difficult days. Thank you!

I kinda disagree - why compare yourself to anybody at all? Why not comparimg only to oneself feeding mindset like "Im grateful for what I have already done and I try to do better, better and better in the future"? Maybe that's not the way stock market works or how you get "really high in society ladder" but for me at least its more fair toyourself and more healthy way to do your life.

Run your own race at your own pace. If you win bronze, silver or gold, good for you. If you don't get any medals at all, good for you too. As long as you're doing what you want to be doing, doing it as well as you can & not victimizing anyone in the process, then you're a winner.

Hi Derek, while I agree with you up to a certain point. Sometimes comparing down is also used as an excuse for not moving forward or striving to be better. The only example I can think of right now is political. In my country politicians will compare our country's [any metric here] to that of countries that are not doing so well to make us believe that we are in a satisfactory state, and distract us from their incompetency. In the same race, if you are the one before last, you can look back and be grateful that you did not arrive last, but that doesn't really make you a runner in my opinion. If you get to arrive third, then by all means be satisfied.

When we were growing up, whenever we fall down and hurt ourselves, my mom would always console us by saying 'It could have been worse' the ultimate bronze medal thinking...

What comes after Bronze? Brass? Or? I think I might be even happier going after that.

I actually won the silver medal at the europeans in a brazilian Jiu Jitsu tournament and was super happy to have won any medal, didnt matter at all to me that I lost in the final. However I agree with the metaphor.

I like the buying example very much. Rather go for the best value in relation to the price, instead of absolute value :)
I was honestly wondering if someone who had actually won a silver medal was going to comment here, and tell me it's not so bad. ☺ So thnks for agreeing with the metaphor anyway! — Derek

Beautiful analogy, Derek.
Reminded me of following quote:

"I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet."

"today is my lucky day" is my long term mantra. Perspective shapes everything

Excellent and as usual timing perfectly appropos. Especially in seemingly difficult circumstances, the "it could be worse" mantra seems to help and gratitude. No reason to suffer! Thanks.

Thanks. That's so helpful. It could be worse. I forget that all the time. Great comparisons.

Love this! A very refreshing take on maintaining perspective. This is a huge factor in one's happiness I think

7 billion people on earth, and right now only two of them are better than me at what I do. Holy $#!+, that's awesome! Gratitude is easy if you take the right perspective. Thanks Derek.

There's just one thing: the bronze medalist is thinking like a gold medalist. There is just 2 people in front of him instead of one.

The analysis on comparison being at the source of lack of contentment does remain valid.
Long live "good enough"!

thank you. Yor words make me feel more comfortable. Feels good. Better!

Another pitfall to think about is focusing on a lesser state then your own: it runs you the risk of increasing your unhappiness should that be your future state for whatever reason. You're happy you won the bronze, but if next year you don't win at all, you "couldn't even win a bronze".

Great way to keep perspective, which is important. I find it so easy to default to Silver-Medalist thinking and not recognise or appreciate the bronze medals!

This was an absolutely amazing article to read today as my wife and I have been struggling with our professional life of playing music together and constantly feeling dissatisfied lately with where we are in our career. Thank you for sharing.

Amazing!

Bring back gratitude in all aspects of life using this. Good that you posted - great reminder to all of us.

Thank you - perfect for today!

Years ago, when I sold real estate, I was very effective at selling my listings.

When a home that was priced a bit low in order to sell quickly DIDN'T sell quickly, the owners would often ask me to lower the price even more in order to get it sold.

Early on I learned to get their permission to RAISE the price for 1 week before we lowered it.

Nearly every time, the home would sell within 48 hours of it showing up in the MLS listings at the higher price.

The reason was that most people were trying to buy in a certain price range that their sense of prestige aspired to. If the home they actually wanted was priced less than that, they wouldn't even go look at it.

APTGJHG

Well said, well explained and an excellent example
Of learning to appreciate what you have, can do,
and have already accomplished. With that in mind
anybody can calmly keep going forward without the
burden of envy resentment of others or beating
Our own selves up. Thank you, keep em coming

Pastor Rev Tina Redden

A beautiful woman has much more to lose as she grows old compared to an average person. Trying to hold onto it can consume her life, steal her happiness, even her health can suffer. Be happy with your life as average, don't envy others above you, just cherish those that love you, you were made by God to be you, be happy and satisfied.

Love this. Like you mentioned, its all relative. You can focus on the beautiful sunny day, or you can look at the specs on the glass of the window.

My group coaching program has taught us something similar. To look for the gift in everything. Putting that narrative on everything is empowering.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts Derek.

It's good to appreciate things you already have in life...
But comparing up will lead you there!!
Lebron James wouldn't​ be Lebron James if he had the same thought you described here.
Or Michael Phelps or Cristiano Ronaldo etc.
By the way this is just my opinion.
Thanks for reading this.

Hello Derek,
Good article, and it make me think about envy or the feeling of the 2nd place, the silver medal guy who wanted so bad to be first.

Being a catholic, envy is one of the capital sins; Dante in the Divine Comedy puts it second to pride, which is the darkest of all.

Someone said that source of envy is fear, and the lack of trust that God's plan for you is not the best.

I like to be that bronze guy, the guy that is grateful for what he has. The guy that is contempt for the effort and feel lucky to be there in the podium. There is nothing wrong with being the first, and competition will bring the best of everyone, but the bronze guy is one lucky one.

Thanks for sharing this, it made me think and place things in real perspective.

Miguel

This is really good perspective with a caveat! There is a great story of the Miami Dophins American football team working hard all year to make it to the superbowl. They were obsessed with making to the superbowl and that obsession drove them to the conference finals and ultimately the superbowl. They lost at the superbowl. Their goal and obsession should have been to WIN the superbowl, not just get there. They achieved their goal, it was just the wrong goal.
However, given that, I do agree with you on the appreciation of being "in the fight". There will always be someone better to look up at and wish you were there. No one ever thought Pete Sampras's record would be broken then came Federer.

Love ❤️ your post! A happy person is a grateful one. Benjamin Franklin and Henry Ford failed over and over before they finally succeeded. So good to be reminded to wear a smile as we keep on truckin' in our efforts to learn and grow. And there's nothing that helps me feel more grateful than helping someone along the way. So good to hear more of your thoughts, Derek, and keep up with the tunes 🎶!

This is a great example of how best to think of our life. I try to be thankful every day for all I have and am able to do. Don't always make it of course but if all of us could just learn to be content with our lives and still strive to do better with what we have what a world we would live in. Thanks for the uplift.

Yes, Derek ... You've shared a great example of how one might give himself/herself credit for what he/she has accomplished. As I have suggested to my youngest son, "You don't need to Be the best; just Do your best." In the long run, that is what matters most, as I view it. <>

My spiritual director, a holy, retired Catholic priest gave me the same type of advice but with a different spin on service to others.
He told me, "Tell yourself 'I am third' Put serving God first, then service to others, then yourself. Remember the words of our Master, Jesus. 'I came into the world not to be served but to serve.' No servant(me) is above their master."

I find that I am generally the silver medalist... striving to be better, constantly comparing myself to those who have more, or have achieved more, etc. This is a pretty timely post for me as I really need to focus more on gratitude... on being present and appreciating the beauty of what I DO have in this moment as opposed to what I don't.

Thanks for the reminder... it's a daily practice and this is exactly what I needed to get my head on straight for the week. Cheers!

I've been thinking about this for a while. In the Olympics, in hockey, if you win a silver medal, you lose in the gold medal game. But if you win bronze, you win that game. And almost always, the bronze winner is happier. They won to get their third place medal, rather than losing to get their 2nd place medal. And yet, they are "better" by one place.

10% of something is better than 0% of nothing!

Derek

Once again thank you, and I agree with you so much. To this day, people ask me, "why I don't make my living by singing," and/or "don't you regret walking away when you did?" I point out to them that by singing I have had experiences and moments that 99.999999% of the people on our planet will never have. Those memories and moments cannot ever go away, if if I forget them one day. They are forever a part of history. Where is the upset? I am just so happy that for almost 20 years I was able to provide a living for my family by being a performing musician. That is now 19 years ago. Everyday I still sing, now it is just as the birds do.....just because.......

I don't think bronze of gold have any meaning with the music I play. It is a very small market. Hal Merrill

www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbt8mewDrkA

GOLD, SILVER, BRONZE

Simple life --> happy life


Hans

Hey Derek, great to hear from you as always and thank you for the inspirational expression of "LIFE". It's so true, I see it every day and everyday I thank the One I believe in for my opportunities and attitude. I'm so grateful I can even sing, play the guitar, share my poem's and the "Journey of Life".
You're a blessed man Derek.......continue to be inspiring.

Steve

Hi Derek,
Your positive thinking is sparkling! I'm so happy to have you as a great friend. Cheers! Gong Qian

another way to put it...what race are YOU running? who are you running it for? and why is that important? once we know the race we are running comparison becomes obsolete because we realize that no ones race is the same...and at the end of the race we want to be winners but the true ones are those who have loved and been loved, invest in relationships.

That's a smart way to look at it..Suz

Dear DEREK,
Surprisingly, most of your articles comes to me as messages/reminders and in the correct time when I need them. Thank you for this.

I currently struggle with the same problem. I try to put my self in the Bronze medalist's shoes, a situation that doesn't last long enough for me.
The comparaison is not defined in a "specific thing or area": quite simply, when I appreciate what person "X" accomplished, I turn automaticaly to my self and say "what about you? what have you done so far?".

I feel frustrated that I want to be better but don't know how or in what exactly. At this point, I feel lost. no idea what's next?

Waiting for your next article.

Interesting way to see it. Reminds me of Jack Ma's "being middle is fine" but putting a slight quality in it.

This article comes at a coincidental time. I was just challenged this past week to make a gratitude journal. Having an attitude of gratitude is more than a trite phrase. Reflecting each night on the three best things of the day forces you to be aware of the wealth of blessings in our lives. I recommend the journal to anyone who asks about what I've been doing lately.

Great advice. Many of us want to be the best person we can be. However this often leads to comparing ourselves to others, rather than just trying to better ourselves. Thanks for the reminder.

Love this. Such important perspective given how planned obsolescence is designed to make us always want more. I also think that gratitude is almost always the right perspective.

I have a small, hopefully constructive writing suggestion. One of the best pieces of creative writing advice I ever got was to avoid using "you" when writing advisory content because it can come off preachy. The fix is simple though. Either make it about you the author, or make it inclusive with the use of "we" instead.

Here's the same sentence with each approach. Notice how they feel.

"You should really focus more on what you have and less on what others have."
"I should really focus more on what I have and less on what others have."
"We should really focus more on what we have and less on what others have."

All three are written to give advice to the reader, but the change in tone between them, at least to me, is pretty noticeable. I love your work and I hope that's helpful.

A cautionary tale, perhaps:

I was a multiple All American Swimmer. To my mind, there are a few philosophies in swimming: 1) winning (the medal analogy), 2) doing your best time, or 3) swimming an elegant race.

Music does it's sadistic best to be a competitive sport- 1) money and 2) performing contests. Not even close to a timed sport. Music is subjective. Still, the sports analogy has become a dominant philosophy- how many management companies assume a music career is over in your early 30's? Sports agents have been managing artists for a few years now.

So, one way of looking at this is: while not strictly either/or, music tends tends to be either professional or amateur. Since music and creative art, in general, entering an age of the amateur, ask yourself what you are doing and why. Do you only do music when you think there is some sort of paying gig coming your way? It's a rush to receive $$$ for music, but that is the professional side, with agents, lawyers, marketing, etc etc.

Frankly, I think the medal analogy is coaching propaganda that sells books, speaking engagements and locker room bullshit. Most coach for themselves, and no one else. I just got a letter from the NCAA about head injuries. I had a few. 40 years ago. Get back in the pool, Paul. Tough it out.

Weeding the sensitive out of the Music. Brutal stuff.

As long as I'm on a roll, my favorite Jock World Zen Koan:

Winners create losers.

Lots and lots of losers.

Of course...I absolutely agree with this sentiment for many things in life. But maybe...

I have won 3 gold, 1 silver, 2 bronze at major world-level championships. In a sport with brackets and semi-finals. For me the most stressful game is the semi-final. Lose and you might not medal (50/50). Win and you are guaranteed a podium finish. The final is all gravy. But 2 of the 3 podium places have winners on them (that day), and 1 loser. At that moment its pretty sweet to have won bronze. But I definitely prefer my silver medal to the bronzes.

I fall in the range of the "counter-example". I always wanted to be the best there ever was in my career and always tried to do better. Having said that, I've always known that know matter how good I am, there's always going to be someone better.......I accepted that. By the time I retired from my career I left somewhat of a legacy and I was satisfied and had no regrets.

This is a good article, Derek.....I hope people learn from it.

Enough is as good as a feast. Count your blessings.
Philosophers have known for thousands of years that being thankful for what you have leads to richer joy than getting what you want.

Great post, Derek. Have you read The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama? This reminds me of a section in there. Will try dig it out if i can.

Proper perspective is life-altering. In your example I can't help thinking that the gold medalist had a "go-for-gold" attitude while the fourth place finisher had a "bronze-is-best" attitude. I wonder if there is a limiting factor that comes with the "bronze-is-best" theory that the gold medal winner wasn't burdened by? This is really close to settling, the Buddhist axiom that all suffering is associated with want, therefore stop wanting and you'll stop suffering. I would whole-heartedly agree with your proposed theory if I was already a huge success and financially secure for life. This is Mazlow's tip of the pyramid stuff that doesn't work at the base as easily.

Thanks for this wonderful reminder to be glad - to be grateful. It's a much happier place than envy, and healthier too I bet. Since disappointment can lead to discouragement, I think that feeling pleased with our accomplishments, rather than disappointed with our "failures" might actually be one of the secret tricks to attaining whatever it is we strive for next.

I've just started up a low power FM station in a decent size market with more than 3 dozen other stations covering a much wider area and generating many more listeners. If I worried about not having as strong a signal or showing up in the local ratings, it would not be nearly so satisfying as just being on the air and doing something on radio not being done anywhere else (that I know of).

Amazing as always Derek!

Is the glass half empty or half full?
I’m so lucky to have a glass! It holds liquid, I can see what’s inside. What a nice invention! — Derek

This came through on my email list and i thought I would check it out, and luckily I did. The points expressed in this were highly valuable and I will definitely be recommending it.

Most of the time I don't compare or compete. I just focus on what I need or want irrespective of what others are doing or achieving. And being grateful for the good things always works.

I don't truly understand the concept. I don't compare up or down. There's always someone better, there's always someone worse. God put me here to put Him first, others second & myself last. Happiness isn't success, success is happiness!

Be blessed awesome dude!

Yes, focusing on the positive is healthy! In my opinion, the award is entirely secondary to the joyful process of getting there. The race is its own reward. If it's not, then doing something different would be better for the contestant. Competition raises the enthusiasm for most everybody from audience to participants -even the losers of the race. Maybe the healthiest attitude of all is to be grateful to be a part of the games with winning or losing being very much secondary.

There's so many comments I feel like I'm shouting in a crowd. Haha. However I just wanted to comment that I think this analogy is a step in a good direction I feel it doesn't quite hit the mark.

I think comparing yourself to what a committee, peer group, friends, or colleges will ultimately lead to endless circle of "not good enough". I found for myself a better way to approach this is to compare to itself. In this case oneself. Ultimately that's the truest benchmark.

In photography I know a lot of critiques compare lenses just on their own criteria. However it's better to compare it to the previous lens or lens it was designed off of. If Nikon releases a new 35mm prime, just stating its sharper or has better microcontrast doesn't treat the lens fairly. Even the team at Nikon needs to look critically at what they created and compare it to what they did previously. Then and only then can they determine their standing.

Obviously the market can be a good indicator if something is in want. But probably as a artist this might be one factor as trends or new trends can often arrive even after ones lifetime.

I LOVED this Derek! Being one who is always going for the gold in life but always feeling like I was a day late and a dollar short....THIS helps me to have a new perspective! It certainly can take some weight off the journey. The real person that I am racing against is...."me" anyway :).Thanks again!

Love this!
Thank you for the inspiration.
BR

Thank you for sharing a helpful thought.

Thank you for this Derek it has put into perspective some of the recent thoughts I have been having about some cryptocurrency investments I have made. At least my investments have yielded positive results when they very well could have been negative. Thanks for the subtle perspective shift.

Only yesterday in the Daily Mail news paper there was a full page article on Ed Sheran. How he's got nine of his songs in the Top Ten and still remains one of the most humblest guys one could ever meet. His latest album is all about where he started and comes from. How to be humble is the lesson to learn.

Aim for the best. Be content with the results. Never fall into complacency!

"The happiest ones were thrilled to be able to make a living making music" Thanks Derek! I've known people that have absolutely nothing...but they were able to create art. They had so much gratitude. They felt so much joy and happiness that they could hardly contain themselves. If you have the ability and means to create anything...you are pretty lucky in my book!

Great, as always! It's so true in life, as an adult, if you are not happy with yourself and/or enjoying life/process at the time, then it is usually cause' you're focused on the wrong things. For instance, my day job I do to pay bills and do what I like on my off time. Now, the job itself doesn't give me too much personal joy, but what does is doing the best I can, and from that, seeing the joy on my co-workers, and supervisor's faces, for continuing to do a job well done, being useful there, and of positive service. My late father used to say, "If you have time to complain, then you should stop, go out, and find something positive to do for someone else in a worse situation . . . (too much idle time on your hands)." LOL! Thanks as always Derek! Keep'em coming . . .

Years ago I used to call my brother Vasily and we were talking about everything, and certainly about things done. There were always 1-3 things from my daily to-do list, which I couldn't manage because of whatever... And Vasily used to report about 1-2 things from his to-do list, which he got done. I needed long time to understand the wisdom of Vasily's approach.
Your little fable, Derek, gets to the heart of the small lesson I learned from my little bro :) Thanks!

Derek,
Your articles are so not spam!
Thanks for growing and sharing as usual!
I find what you express in this article very
similar to (paraphrased) 'having clothing food
and shelter let us therewith be content, for
godliness with contentment is GREAT GAIN'
(because thankfulness preserves what you have
and attracts more blessing...) thanks as always bro

Two points:

1) I wrote about this very concept over a decade ago and recently discovered that there are actual scientific papers on this topic:

blogs.scientificamerican.com/thoughtful-animal/why-bronze-medalists-are-happier-than-silver-winners/

http://www.npr.org/sections/thetorch/2012/08/03/157835076/would-you-rather-win-silver-or-bronze-be-careful-what-you-wish-for

www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/08/12/why-bronze-medalists-are-happier-than-silver-medalists-and-other-things-the-olympics-teaches-us-about-human-emotion/?utm_term=.b4f2abe4f101

2. To tweak your example, how about an Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards perspective? He didn't win any medals (I think he finished last) in the 1988 Winter Olympics but walked away with quite a story to tell!

It's a really great concept Derek. I'm glad you brought it to our attention. So many people are only looking up and thinking about what they don't have. This is another tool in the tool belt to stay grateful for the many blessings we do have. Thanks.

yea but every time I get doing something going I always end up where I began

So true. I am a collegiate golfer, and coming out of high-school, I felt as if I was the top of the world. I could beat just about any high-school player, and would often win tournaments by several shots. When I got to college, I was all of a sudden a "so-so" player, and found myself crawling through the dusty tracks of my competitors. It was unbelievably frustrating. I quickly fell into a deep spiral of negativity, and this was a direct result of the "comparing up" scenario. I was deeply unhappy for my first two years of school, but turned things around when I started to journal daily about all the great things I had as a result of being a collegiate golfer. Although I still work hard to get better each day, I now have that perspective that while there are plenty of golfers much better than me, there are also those who would have loved to play but couldn't (injury, skill, etc.). I love this post :)

Very Grateful!

Hey Derek,
Thank you for always adding me to your newsletter list.
I'm doing a speech to a group of Junior High School kid about being proud & grateful for the little things that you already have and grow from that place.
I can see/ I can hear / I can talk/ I can think and much more.

I do understand but we all need to have on a gratitude hat every day is a blessing.

with love for my online friends,
Rae Rae

Hi Derek, I follow, and enjoy, reading your blog, and often find inspiration in your ideas or references.

This was a great blog about gratitude and glass half full living, and I enjoyed watching Louis C.K's "Everything is amazing and nobody is happy". I found it fun and began watching his other youtube snippets - then I got a little weirded-out, and then I got scared... did you watch him talk about his 4yo daughter? He gets audience laughs at her expense (what will she think when she grows up? and will she seek a husband who talks about her or treats her like this?) - when he calls her a 'little shit' and a 'bitch' and explains how he'd like to 'kick her out the window'. For someone who makes a thing out of berating other people's supposedly selfish and inappropriate complaints about everyday things that annoy them (including his 4yo daughter's "eeew" moment when she has to take a bubblegum flavoured medicine because she is UNWELL...) - he does a pretty good job of very loudly complaining to an international audience that the girl he brought into the world and who cannot speak for herself but who no doubt adores him might also be a bit of hard work at times and needs guidance and support to grow up. Eeeew.

Great

Great mindset Derek.

This is such a underestimated way of thinking, and easy to forget in a busy everyday life. I will definitely try to apply this more often. And also pass it on to my students.

Thanks for sharing!

EXCELLENT! (as usual) :)

Having a proper perspective takes the sting out 0f a lot of negative traits and habits. Good advice for the daily battle, Derek. Now let me recommend a book I haven't come close to finishing, but I'm having a great time reading. This is about one of eleven children, whose dad came up with the bright idea of refurbishing a covered wagon to take his brood on summer trips through New Jersey and Pennsylvania. During the journey, strangers would leave food for them along the way, and restaurants freely participated in the practice. That led the author, Rinker Bunk, to drop everything one summer to recreate the experience and write about it...only this time he bought his own refurbished wagon and three mules to take him across the 2500-mile Oregon Trail. Here an excerpt...

http://www.npr.org/books/titles/418226316/the-oregon-trail-a-new-american-journey#excerpt

Hi Derek,
Good to hear from you again
I love the theme and analogy to gratefulness, I am happy to be breathing each day. And I feel the need to give back to society for I have had a very good life.
I stumbled on your email whilst searching through my private emails looking for a response to a 21.co submission that I'd sent to Marc Andreessen.
Ironically it's about creating a platform for sharing the love, caring for the less fortunate, and using the Rev&You to help others. See below. If you think it has merit and is worth pursuing please let me know as I have no idea where to start.


Will The Sharing Economy embrace becoming the Caring Economy. Whilst GenY are a fickle lot, they want to do good, and in a world of haves and have nots, starvation and obesity at the extremes, we need a global feel good place where we can right some wrongs, lead by example, and distribute to the needy or less fortunate.
A Sharing Open Advertising Platform that distributes Ethical Advertising created by its viewers for its viewers is a good start.
These adds would then be proudly sponsored per view by the relevant corporation, generating Rev&you that will be shared/given to a cause at the discretion of the viewer. The videos of these friendly exchanges of giving to others would be a feature that's posted on the feel good site, this is what will encourage more and more viewers and on it goes.
Hopefully eventually we would have corporations fighting for access to the site, and all that Rev&You could be targeted to great causes.

Would love to know your thoughts.

Kind Regards,
Rob Raams
robraams@gmail.com

Good stuff. We do tend to compare ourselves
to our peers and what others are doing to show if we are successful in life or not. When sometimes we need to celebrate in our accomplishments. To offer we don't celebrate how far we have come. To appreciate were we are going.

Brilliant as always, Derek!!!!

I don´t quite get this. But it makes some sense. Be well.

I use a similar technique coaching junior athletes. I teach program coaches to "coach expectations". A prime example was one of my junior program coaches who told an athlete that her goal in her first race in a racing single (rowing) was to do better than he did in his first race. In the coach's first race he flipped the boat 3 strokes into the race. The athlete flipped her boat 1250 metres into a 2000m race, had to be picked up by the rescue boat and yet arrived on shore soaking wet and smiling from ear to ear. She had beaten her coach! This ended up being a positive moment for the athlete rather than a disastrous, embarrassing disappointment.

As Smashie said to Nicey - "Wise words, mate."

But excuse me, Derek, if I play a little Devil's Advocate here. Don't you think that finishing Silver at the Olympics would motivate you to try that much harder for Gold next time, compared to Bronze?

Still, I'm a Brit and for many years we seemed to be the world masters at finishing fourth!

I like the idea of the counter-example fueling me to dig deeper to produce value and at the same time not allowing those outcomes to drive what I appreciate NOW in the present. Very insightful post - thanks Derek and the others commenting and adding perspective.

Great timing. Love this.

The current mantra "Living the dream" may contain much more hype than help. As I come to read more of your ideas and insight I am assured there still exists common sense wisdom in the hearts of so many. For there may be more value in learning how to be satisfied with what we have and where we are than to be endlessly distracted by the next best thing.

I'm sure somewhere deep in the comments someone has already posted this, but I offer it again...www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jzIix_WBdo

I like what you are saying here, but I would say that in most cases I know of, when you're in the race you need to think Gold and after the race think like the bronze. If you don't you may not get a medal at all.

Awesome. Very interesting print os view. What are your thoughts regards the voices that tell hoy that looking down makes you a looser-minded person or simply someone who doesn't do the necessary work to succeed, conformist ?

LOL. This reminds me of my university days as a music student. During one of our one-on-one sessions, my teacher was pleased to share with me that, at one time, he had won second place in the world championships, and that I should only hope to ever reach the same level. I answered much the same as the Seinfeld reference: "If it had been me, I'd rather lose miserably than ever win second place." Note that this happened decades before Seinfeld aired. Unlike our wise readers here today, he did not at all understand my point and took great offence to boot! In my youth, I assumed I had made a faux pas, and not a valid point. Thank you for bringing this to my attention!!!

However, though marginally more acceptable to win third place, I wouldn't really care for that situation either. So, I guess, rather than 'comparing down', I'd prefer not to compare at all.

I agree with your view.

People seem to forget that success is relative. It's like Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg feeling bad about not being Bill Gates...

Being an athlete all my life the best thing to focus on is proper preparation and giving your best effort. Whatever the outcome you learn from it and try to get better. Continually trying to get better and being smart and putting in the effort is all anyone can ask that should be satisfaction enough. Where you end up ultimately is where you end up. Everyone can't be superstars.

Thanks Derek, your great article reminds of a saying by Prophet Muhammad "Look upon one who is below you in status. In this way you will not look down upon the grace of that God bestowed upon you"

I think key of being better than tomorrow is thinking like a bronze medalist most of the time but when the time comes (I mean oppurtunity or something) we should think like a silver medalist at a very short time period.

Thanks for enlighting! :)

Great piece Derek. Thanks for sharing !

In theory u should also have two good friends for letting them win 😆 si

Yes! I totally agree with this. But I have to say that for the more competitive people out there, this mindset will never work, it's too hard to stop competing.

This is exactly what i needed to read right now. Thanks for putting my day in perspective. You're a terrific writer, love your work.

So much there. How you manage to pack a lot of wisdom in the tiniest of spaces is beyond me.

This piece reminds me of the story of Dave Mustaine, when he was kicked out of Metallica in 1983. He was so bitter he became fixated on getting back at them and that anger motivated him to found one of the most successful heavy metal band - Megadeth. But he never really feel successful because he compared himself to Metallica. His 25 mil albums sold weren't enough because Metallica sold 180 mil.

I guess that goes to show the tragedy of thinking silver. And, of course, the fact that even rock stars aren't immune to it. Fulfilment, like beauty, is perhaps in the eye of the beholder.
YES! I had this example in mind when writing it! I thought of including it, but edited it out. Thanks for adding it in the comments, Ellie! — Derek

Awesome !

Derek, This is one of the most positive articles I have read in a long time!!! I loved it, and couldn't agree more! I have seen so many examples of people who do nothing but moan and groan, and never take time to celebrate any accomplishment, because they are always striving to be at the top. Hope they read your wonderful article.

I love you my friend!! Hope you are happy and well!

This article comes as an absolutely right time for me.

I've been slacking off in my career due to my too much binge in leisure and having fun. Ever since I got married, I felt the need and responsibilities to provide for my family. I work hard in improving my craft and while I see progress in my work but I am not getting any happier for it overall albeit of course, I'm happy for the progress. I have been pondering about this a lot. Now I know after reading about comparing up and comparing down. :) It makes perfect sense!

Thanks... This is good.

Great message and timeless I must add. Thank you Derek.

I have a feeling someone like Elon, never satisfied, making himself and those around him constantly feel inadequate, may cherish his "silver medalist" attitude, identifying with it as the reason for his success.

Although, Elon and us may have different priorities, especially when it comes to feeling happy on a daily basis.

Real Talk mi link.

Love the simplicity of this. I have some neuroscience research that is really simple also - so if you felt like some kind of follow up, I'd be happy to share it with you

regards
Heather

Braw wee analogy, Derek!

I like the theme as it touches on one of those deep instincts to compete/compare that our Lizard-brain does quicker and angrier than we often know how to handle. And plugging the humour in here too seals the deal.

I love your work- keep dancing on the edge!

Thank you so much for sharing!

Thanks for sharing Derek. Sometimes the meaning behind "attitude of gratitude" gets lost and I'm just telling myself that without fully and deeply feeling and understanding it. The medal story helps put it into perspective :)

Hi Derek,
Thanks for sharing this perspective. We often lose our focus, we make plans for the future without realizing that today is the future that we dreamed about yesterday yet we fail to appreciate it.
Thanks once again.
Regards,
Hassan

"ugh... it wont--" "GIVE IT A SECOND! IT'S GOING TO SPACE!" Hahaha :)

"You non-contributing zero!" Heeheehee

Yes! That is soooo true! I love reading your articles because it helps me to think of things differently, which is sometimes needed for me for things to "click".

I used to cry that I had not shoes, until I met the guy who had no feet.

As my father used to say:

To make progress, look Up and make the changes.

To be happy, look Down and be grateful.
Well put! — Derek

Dear Derek

Why not start a movement ...something like breaking habits ....habits of body....habits of mind and habits of heart....people like you can help people like me to break away from routine which pulls us down and is stifling the potential to achieve better and may be for bigger life....thanks for being there.

Sudhir
New Delhi
India

This article was realyy inspiring to read. It changed my perspective on how i view my choices in life.

Interesting

Awesome

I think everyone can achieve an goal just have to try hard to get what you want

Staying positive will not only help you stay focused in life it will help you achieve your goals.

great story ;) !!!!!

This article is good and it really makes second place people try even harder.

I think the article was interesting.

I think that this story is kind of interesting.

Should this be taken into mind of a man wanting to last longer in bed with his wife? Haha, the wife may want him too, lmao.

I liked this story/book because it tells you how to dill with what you've got because not every body has what you have so be satisfid

Its a great article I love how it used examples too

You should be happy for what you have in life not for what you want

you should be happy for what you have in life

this is so meaningful like i totally understand where this is coming from,like now a days people care about trying to be the best at everything and trying to win every award when they should be grateful that they can even accomplish the things they do.

Great topic. Needed that dose of reality.

This is very true i appreciate who ever wrote this, I will never be the same when it comes too competition!!!

i liked this articalt and hop to rear more of this articals

i really like it.

I love this article because it inspires me. I have always been a silver medalist, I have tried to be better and become a gold medalist. But sometimes its stressful and makes me feel bad about myself. This article inspired me to be a bronze medalist because i should be happy that I am at least a medalist and should be grateful .

good story with good theme.

What I think about this article is that us "people", should always follow your dreams no matter what happens. And always work hard in order to accomplish or reach your goal to be successful in life.

this was great awesome lesson i will have to think back to this whenever i can.

Derek, a lot of the time i'm thinking like a silver medalist and always being extremely hard on myself so this artical really put things into perspective for me. Thank you very much.

I liked this article because it teaches you not just reach your standards but go higher achieve more than what is expected.

why would there ambitions be trying be be second level

that really makes you think beacuse if you are first youll never stay long becuse if you were second you would want to stay longer but if you are third you are like how did i make it to where im at in life and keep competing for whatgever place you get

this is really cool artical can i have some slime
Yes — Derek

this was a good read

Very sophisticated. Well done!

Recently I have been struggling with this idea ofbeing the silver medalist. I am in the field of exercise science and I compete in powerlifting so my numbers are somewhat tied to my identity. I have been comparing my numbers to my colleagues and everyone who excels and found myself to be average or mediocre at times. The other day I finally had to look if others were struggling to improve their lifts and it was true, a lot of people were and they had the same dilemma I had. Reading this and their comments made me realize I tied my value of the thing I loved (movement) with constant improvement rather than seeing how far I come. I still want to do better but when I am struggling I want to think more like a bronze medalist.

Derek, thank you. You conveyed the importance of being gratitude so well.

Thank you Derek,

As a former athlete who when fortunate enough to make the podium was most often on the bronze side, I get this now. When we make the podium we think of a higher step on the podium, whereas in keeping with your excellent counsel, we could instead look down and focus on how far we've come up.....

I think it's better to appreciate of what you got and not get angry if something better comes out, maybe it's better to not be jealous and be happy you at least got something good.

This is a very powerful text.

its a really good to read the articale

I think that it`s a very good thing to remember

It is a good story It is really interesting

I think this was a great lesson because you cant always be the best.

Sharon at #231 mentions Eddie the Eagle. I was there for that olympics. He was, for me, a litmus test as to who "got" the olympics. The athletes who felt oppressed by the national pressure and stressed by the need to promote their country's snow gear didn't like Eddie; they thought athletics was an overly serious job and was for the "best professionals" in the world.

But the athletes and spectators who delighted in Eddie knew the games were for the "best amateurs" in the world. Knew that athletes were not a means to the ends of others, including spectators, but were an ends in themselves. (For that matter, the olympic officials do NOT count medals by nation, only the media does that)

The golfer in the comments who kept a gratitude journal realized he was a delight, an end, and not solely means (or human path) to get the very top prize.

I am merely saying mostly what the golfer and some musicians have said here, but by putting it my own words it may click with someone like me.

I think this is a really interesting article.

i love this story.

And that is why it is good to travel around the world, makes you realise how incredibly lucky you are and how much you've got having been born e.g. in Europe. Luis C.K. is great, you too Derek, warm greetings from Poland

This is such a perfect example of how life really is, its always good to be "good enough". Lately i have been thinking like this and it feels great, i'm not so hard on myself anymore trying to be better.

I think that this is a great article

This is a great perspective and a great mindset that he has because not everything is about winning sometimes it ok not to be in the first place. It's good to lose so u can learn from your mistakes and get better till one day you do get the gold medal but even when you do get the gold medal you still have to have the mindset as if u won the bronze medal.

My thoughts are that it is a great point of view and a great mindset

This changed my mindset, I always compare myself to others, instead of thinking about where I am and how far I've gotten.

This gives me a great mindset, and makes my life a lot easier. Thank You!

I thought the article was a good one and I learned to not always get the best thing because there could be a better thing that comes out next.

Interesting angle, but I've just finished reading Seth Godin's The Dip which goes against this kind of thinking. It says that number one in any market takes the majority of market share, so if you can't be the best, you may need to quit and spend your time on something where you can be the best, or persist to become the best in your current field, rather than being glad that you're in third place.

this book is good because it helps you say like i can do this do not give up on yourself.

he was up set that he came in 3 place bye a second

I say it relates to life in a way because it's the fact that being first isn't always the right way or right option, it's the fact that it's ok/good to be 3rd or at least good enough. It's not always about being 1st and if your not first you shouldn't feel bad about it, it's the realization that you were still at the point where you were good enough and shouldn't be hard on yourself if you still made an effort to try.

Reiner explained to Pollack that Tom Cruise is going to be swinging for the fences because he wants to keep up with Jack Nicholson. Jack is going to knock it out of the park just by walking on, because he’s Jack. Demi will be swinging at everything because she feels she has to keep up with the male leads… ‘And that’s where you come in’ Reiner explained.

When I got to college, I was all of a sudden a "so-so" player, and found myself crawling through the dusty tracks of my competitors. It was unbelievably frustrating. I quickly fell into a deep spiral of negativity, and this was a direct result of the "comparing up" scenario. I was deeply unhappy for my first two years of school, but turned things around when I started to journal daily about all the great things I had as a result of being a collegiate

This is a great perspective and a great mindset that he has because not everything is about winning sometimes it ok not to be in first place. It's good to lose so u can learn from your mistakes and get better till one day you do get the gold medal but even when you do get the golden medal you still have to have the mind set as if u won the bronze medal.

I was there for that olympics. He was, for me, a litmus test as to who "got" the olympics. The athletes who felt oppressed by the national pressure and stressed by the need to promote their country's snow gear didn't like Eddie; they thought athletics was an overly serious job and was for the "best professionals" in the world.

As usual, the “you” I address here is myself. Though I'd been telling this medalist metaphor to friends for years, yesterday I had a moment of anger and regret at one of those marketplace scenarios, and suddenly had to remember, “Oh yeah. I’m thinking like the Silver, not Bronze.” So came here to post this reminder.

Don't strive for straight A's in school, you can pass with D's. Don't try to be the best at your job, you make the same as the other guy doing less work. Don't strive to buy a nice house for your wife and children, you can get by in a low income housing. Shooting for not being the worst and being happy about it is the wrong perspective. You should try to be the best that you can and if you aren't better than the next guy, learn to be proud of what you've accomplished.

zone instead of being bitter.
The counter example is a key point to this article, though. Because, like any good concept, it can be used in a not so good way if someone uses it to keep themselves in the comfort zone.
Glad you added that counter example.

i like it

Need to be more grateful for what for what you have got for much worse it could also been and nice to have anything at all and also be Ambition versus gratitude.

You should be grateful for whatever you are and be glad that you made it to that point in you life some other people don't get an opertinty
that others have.

It's good to use your competitive side to motivate you sometimes, but overall, don't be too hard on yourself. I liked this metaphor and I know a couple of people, myself alike, that could benefit to remember this story.

I like how this passage is giving an important message about gratitude, by saying be thankful for what you got, and saying that it could’ve been worse.

I like how it give you the important message on gratitude

Instead of being upset about not being better than others, you should be proud of yourself for how far you've come.

i love this

The quote that the authur said is inspring.

nice article i listened to it

I REALLY liked this . Please write more!

It was a good story it definitely helped me answer questions better.

He was mad because they was so close to the game

But most of the time, you need to be more grateful

i think you are right thank you for saying this

they all wanted first place but they were not runing fast enough

I am a bronze medalist!
Thinking like that improves my quality of life.

It was good and help full

i think you are right thank you for saying this

Instead of being upset about not being better than others, you should be proud of yourself for how far you've come.

This is inspiring,love it!

i like this story

this story is about not giving up and being like the bronze

This helps me improve myself mentally.

I really like the idea of thinking up verses thinking down, it gives me something to fix and relate to. I think it's good to try and get people who think down on themselves to start thinking up. I also love how it's motivating, it makes me think about all that I did that was good and not the things that were bad. also I played Crossy Road while listening to this story.

This is a example of a looser mindset for second place. if you do not win then you should use that drive to work harder and try to be better then him instead of complaning

this article was so for me @ the right time. thank you.

It was good

I like this story

its very nice im a basketball player and i like or i thing that its a good way to think.

i dont think you should compare yourself to others you tried your best

I really understand this content. It's so easy to read. Thank you

Don't try to be the best just be you.

i think this story is really good i like ity

That small shift can change the emotional weather immediately.

On the other hand, when you’re being ambitious, trying to be the best at a specific skill, it’s good to be dissatisfied, like that silver medalist focusing on the gold. You can use that drive to practice and improve.

The metaphor works because it exposes an emotional illusion.
The silver medalist objectively did better than the bronze. But emotions don’t follow objective standing — they follow comparisons. When we compare “up,” we feel lacking; when we compare “down,” we feel fortunate. The podium is a perfect microcosm of how our minds work in ordinary life.

Gratitude and ambition aren’t opposites — they’re different tools for different moments.

kusoma kwa bidiii
That’s Swahili for “studying hard” or “reading with effort” — Derek

woah I'm like in the future, but also this is a great perspective and i'll try to think like this more often.