I want to lose every debate.

This a great mindset to have and great for group learning as well. When teams are working on projects this is the ideal mindset to improve collaboration, innovation and productivity because it helps create a culture of psychological safety. Very short but very influential post Derek.

Your words, slightly altered:
“Lend me your shoes and glasses, so I can walk a mile with your viewpoint and experience it for myself. Help me see why it works for you, and how it might work for me.

I never want to debate, but if I must, I would hope to lose. I don’t want to convince you of my existing perspective. I would rather become convinced of yours. It’s more interesting to assume that you are right.”

debating is problematic. some folks are good at it, separating the issue/idea from the person saying it comes naturally. i have come to realise that all debating requires arrogance to some degree. and compassion is what’s needed in the world right now, not arrogance.

Now I want to hear everything about how clothing is like the SMTP protocol

Now I'm hoping you write an article going into details for each of the new perspectives you listed.

Great insight. It sounds a bit like the principle of charity as it is known in philosophy/critical-thinking.

precisely

debating should allow both to win new perspectives, shouldn't be a fight or competition to convince others / impose a point of view

Been my perspective all my adult life.

Served me well

I am going to adopt this paradigm…

This mindset assumes that others want to convince you of their perspective.

These days, when I come across someone's behaviour that I think is a little odd or different, I've been practicing suspending judgment by asking myself "What must be going on for that person for that behaviour to make sense to them?' It's super helpful for me as a way to stay curious.

This is so well put. And so damn insightful.

very clever idea and text, thank you

Love it

I think what you are describing in this post is empathy. When you listen and open your mind to others’ opinions and beliefs you’re meeting their need to be heard which is empathy on crack.

That / this is a great 'attitude' however the barometer would be about the validity of people's arguments... usually based on their intelligence, and there isn't much out there. Or at least it's hard-to-find.

Great post, Derek. It reminds me of the wonderful line in the series "Ted Lasso" (apparently wrongfully attributed to Walt Whitman, but who cares?):

"Be curious, not judgmental."

Here's the short scene: youtu.be/i_FofLSherM?t=7

Derek-
You just changed my perspective about losing a debate. Thank you!

I’ve come to realise that debating and arguing never actually changes the other person’s perspective but only agitates/upsets them and/or you. Changing your position on something requires far more than an hour or two of subtle demeaning insults and rephrasing of existing arguments.

Hi Derek, you put a good case forward for an argument but yet somehow the answer stares us in the face. We never want to accept anothers explaination as being right. Ours is all that matters. We all should look to understand rather than lay blame.Dialogue is important.

This is quite the perspective. I like it.

Perhaps its better to hope that the best debates are not win or lose competitions but more an exchange, a sharing of ideas. If we all just want want to win, or convince people around to our own perspective, perhaps we all lose.

Very wise approach to life but let me play devil's advocate for a second here... do you believe stupidity doesn't exist at all? And if it does, then certainly some people engage in behaviour that can be labelled stupid?

I agree, but I wasnt always enlightened on this. here in the USA its usually avoided because most people i come accross seem to be very defensive if I mention somthing going on in the "news" and my take is not thiers, they get all pissy and then have an attitude with me from then on. I'm thinking what the fuck? I dont care that much, but then I just playcate them so I can get on with my day. wow, its like they feel they have to defend thier opinion or choices as though they are the only choice and have resentment towards others who dont. Also whats interesting is even when its obvious that things wernt what they seemed, they will still defend it and not admit they or the situation was wrong.

Later,
RJ

I think I know this. Prove me wrong. 😜

A wonderful article.
There is a way of thinking in Go called hand cutting, which is a little similar. Take off all the order and think.
The starting point of our debate is our self, and most of the time we think about it, which gives us great inertia. We can take it off or think against it, and the time is the same.

Alright, Derek;
so, if one took this approach of yours and every human being applied it, wouldn't humanity be left with inconclusiveness? (Which might actually be a refreshing shift towards the insight of "I know that I do not know").

How about letting go of the urge "to be right" in a debate to begin with?

I adore your open-mindedness, Derek; but I feel you should be very careful about this; because stories can cover the fundamental truths which are out there and they can be narrated like there ain't any!

I've learned a technique from you and I wanna give it back to you so that you, too remember it all the time:
Put a "?" after any statements and let it be.!

Debating is opposing (can be represented by two arrows pointing to each other), it is a fight in arguments that is fought to be won. In a good discussion though both sides learn from each others perspective, and if discussed (from "discus" which is a circle of which the center is the point of interest) with mutual interest in the others perspective (on which side of the circle are you?) and mutual respect then all participants gain from it, and in the end people meet in the middle (synergy effect). Being interested in new perspectives always in nourishing - for the listener as well as the one that is being heard. Shifting perpectives is what brings progression to peoples minds. Debating is aggressive. Discussing is progressive. To listen is to learn. - :) - NADA BRAHMA - ॐ

Agreed. I typically say I lave being wrong. I get more value from being wrong than right. Counter intuitive but true. Great post btw

You defined in your 2012 article: Being stupid means avoiding thinking by jumping to conclusions.

Isn't it rather: Being stupid means causing harm to oneself or others without intending it?

If you use the latter definition, stupidy can be seen quickly in some cases. And jumping to conclusions is absolutely ok, especially in a field where you have lots of knowledge and can see likely consequences of actions of others quickly.

Thanks Derek for this refreshment of view. I agree how compelling curiosity is and how mind & heart opening empathy allows us, opens us again to presence. I love a story and the beauty of how each person will share a unique one in their particular way as the expert in their own life and narrator of their experiences. Learning to be enchanted again and again.

Dear Derek, your put my wishes into words. Thank you. But I still wonder how to make it not just a wishful thinking.

Beauty reflection from a gem of a man. Perspective is a hell of a drug.

Thank you, Derek

I totally agree with this mindset. The more accepting I am towards other realities that people are living in, the more peaceful my own reality becomes.

Many people ask how they can better influence.

I love how you've beautifully framed a counterintuitive truth: influence often begins with being influenceable.

And that begins with realising that being wrong about things feels the same as being right. We're all mostly wrong about most things, but the wrongness has worked pretty well for us so far. It's finding out we're wrong that can hurt ... unless we've learned to love finding out.

Would love to hear the stories in full and arguments given.

I have this mindset, because in the past, debate has been exhausting, and I've lost friends. So, yes, what you described perfectly is the way I approach all walks of life. It is indeed another wonderful experience to have along your path, learning so much.

One more thing to add, I'd want someone to approach my way of thinking and life this way, so I should approach others this way.

Absolutely! In fact, in one of your interviews with Tim Ferris, I learned from you that you don't have a morning routine. That blew my mind! Thank you!

Derek
Interesting.
But on the other hand, others may gain new perspectives too if you "win" sometimes. What say?

"Thinking that people are stupid is not thinking. Understanding them is."

I'm guilty of this. 9 times out of 10 it's because in the moment I believe I'm superior to the other person.

Then I feel rubbish. Thinking people is stupid is just me trying to justify how smart I wish to be.

Thanks for the powerfully concise example of how to have a much fuller more connected life.

Maybe the right approach would be to not care about winning or losing a debate. There are some debates where you, by expressing yourself, could give insight to the other party - if you just want to lose the debate to learn from the other, you might not make a point that could enrich someone else's perspective.

Fully agree though that this is a much better approach than to wanting to win every debate.

Yes, and our own POV is equally valid :)

This is an extension of

"If you have a choice between being kind and being right go for kind."

Kind is allowing the person to be right for them. They don't have to convince you of their "rightness", though if you're interested they might.
When you take judgement out of the equation, life is a lot simpler.
Thanks for sharing.

This article evokes two thoughts from me. You can learn something from everyone. Every person has a niche, tendency or characteristic that you can take away & improve yourself with. The skill is in recognizing that positive characteristic (however small it may be) & implementing it. The second thought concerns survival. People will always defend their lot in life (where they live, their occupation, their relationships) because it is a survival mechanism. To undercut any of these life pillars is to sabotage yourself. The sex worker must defend her position because If she didn’t then her action would be for naught. People tell themselves they love their stance because if they didn’t they would have no purpose. A basic psychological survival mechanism.

Unless you are in a position to make important decisions and need to find a way to convince others on your point of view.

Then successfully debating becomes important.

I think the mindset you describe is critically important to understand different positions that are out there and to make up ones own mind.

Making up your own mind by understanding very well as many different positions on a topic as possible is a prerequisite to successfully debating and issue. I think Charlie Munger said, that you have to understand the other persons point of view better than he does, if you want to win the argument.

In my opinion we seem to have people who push their agenda without even trying to see the other side and people who try to evaluate both side, but are too afraid to speak up for their balanced views.

Instead of Debate, I think Discuss is a nicer sounding word.

It is very good concept to not debate anything and more ideal situation would be losing judgemental mind itself where we never find any need to debate. Thereby no question of losing debate or getting convinced

An interesting read made me feel like If more of humanity tried to put themselves in other people's shoes and didn't judge people and put their egos aside the world would be a much peaceful and nicer place to live in.Im not trying to be negative but a lot of it feels like a shit show to me. Perhaps this is because I live in constant pain with a disease that can't be cured that gets worse.On a positive note I am trying my best to be positive mentally, physically, mentally, emotionally.

> The Muslim explains why Islamic law is a perfect recipe for peace.

It sure is illuminating how an ISIS dude can gaslight people into believing ISIS is somehow a good thing, but that'd still be a blatant lie, not just a different personal perspective.

Is it the stories that we tell ourselves and others to justify/defend our position/philosophy ?!

Is it our perspective based on our exposure/experience ?

I have the same approach as you, but a few of those examples sound like people who are in situations they'd rather not be in, for economic or psychological reasons, and are post-rationalizing them to make themselves feel better about it.

Perfect, Derek! More people should have the same attitude and belief. Goes hand-in-hand with being too quick to judge without understanding or knowing the individual, situation or circumstance. Thanks for sharing.

I like this idea. Have you ever read Richard Sennett's book Together? He has a nice section on dialectic vs. Dialogical conversation and argumentation (not as dry as it sounds).

One being the idea that growth comes from two opposing ideas need to come to a form of agreement while the other involves growth as a result of engagement with different views.

moving forward and gaining depth in perspective doesnt require everyone needs to agree. Accepting that is liberating and builds more robust communities.

Question to counter: what is the bare minimum you would be willing to stake your opinions or counter ideas? Perhaps not necessarily in a debate, but I like to at least keep this question in the back of my mind so that I avoid complete relativity (e.g. tolerating the intolerant?)

That's a great mindset. Some of your examples I heard myself and was also convinced. I can say it's indeed life changing.

I usually try to convince people of my beliefs, but I totally want them to prove me wrong. If the other person does not expose why they think my view is shallow, it's a good cue this conversation will be too shalow.

I like the mindset of assuming the other side might be right. Each case should in context. I might understand why someone values their company at $20m but it doesn’t mean I agree but it help me start a dialogue.
Best
Ian

You did it yet again. Illuminated a poorly lit or explored path to fellowship with out fellow sapiens. I did not know I needed this until it was read, and then instantly inderstood as a missi g ingredient to chicken soup of huminaty. Thanks Derek.

I completely agree. I was in Wollongong Australia last week, and I spoke to a man who won a discussion we had about someone that I thought was a right-wing nutcase. But he proved to me that he is actually a very good guy. I was happy to be proven wrong. Thanks for sharing this!

I loved this perspective.
Now I want to hear more about the mindsets of those people you mentioned.

Talking about being a good listener, specially when the mindset differs in your world view/cosmovision.

Being a good listener forces you to adopt an even bigger cosmovision.

Ahh Derek... you make me miss the good old blogging days...

Thank you for keeping the flame :)

Unless we see every living being as another version of ourself we are missing the point. Love yourself and every living being around you and the world will change, (where it needs to)

Love it!!!

But in the interest of debate…
If you live this way, I’d be worried you run the risk of standing for nothing, or not have a set of values and beliefs that serve as your Northstar.

T

LOVE! Period.

Now their stories! I'm on the edge of my seat.

yep ,I love being wrong, It convinces me that someone else has put some thought into something :)

You said, "Thinking that people are stupid is not thinking. Understanding them is."

Being stupid is the state of refusing to learn a better way. It almost always is the result of refusing to believe that someone else can teach you a better way. Nearly every current culture is steeped in such willful ignorance -- ignoring that their culture teaches negative traits as positive and vice versa.

This entire post is self-aggrandizing bs. I gave you the proper perspective in response to your last post and offered to explain to you how love of God and our fellow man has enriched my family's life, even as we are in (American-level) poverty. I have recived no reply to my offer. I even explained to you that you would have a negative force that would dissuade you from taking me up on my offer to explain reality to you. Yes, we Sufis know.

There is a level beyond thinking called KNOWING.

And, as per your last post, I know that you are self-deluded in your beliefs. It is not uncommon for the rich; they are destroying the world in their willful, blind ignorance. Your Trump-level confidence means nothing, and neither do the words you type here or in a book that claims you understand anything about how human beings should live on this planet, and -- more importantly -- why.

The worst lies we tell are the ones we tell ourselves, but who on Earth doubts what they tell themself? Not you. Ahh, money is a helluva drug, makes people think they have accomplished something that matters

So, if you really want to lose a debate, ring me up. I'll serve it on a platter, with proof, and you will go away with an actual slice of wisdom. Because I know. And thinking is what got me here. Thinking, and loving, and praying, and serving and sharing.

And now you are trying to claim you're so open-minded, but I've got the receipts, dude. More importantly: you know and yet are willfully ignoring my selfless attempt to share the Wisdom I have gained with you. And now you can neither claim that no one offered to share the truth with you, nor can you claim that you sought to learn. My offer stands. I love you in the sense that I wish you and yours all happiness in this life (as I do all people, even the ignorant and selfish), and will ask nothing in return, not money nor to join an organization of any kind. I am only offering to share wisdom I have learned in over a half-century of living.

Thanks for posting. For me, every day’s a school day, for life. Other people’s perspectives are always educational. I find that if you’re willing to really listen, they’re willing to really talk.

I loved it just from reading the title. Exceptionally well said Derek.

Hi Derek
Right a way I come to think of what a newly emigrated Greek (to Sweden) man told me at 6 years old, Kent two ears one mouth, listen and you will learn twice as much as much as when you speak. For me everything happens in the listening and creating a place for it. As always thank you for sharing Derek

Kent

እም ቨርይ happey

Refreshing open minded when looking at things, excellent! About 10 years ago a (now former girlfriend, but still friend) friend of mine urged me to go with her to a weekend seminar on human interaction, and it sounded like it was going to be full of woo-woo and weirdness, and I was convinced it would be awkward and stupid and pointless. By the end of the second day, I was thoroughly convinced that this program should be taught in all schools, and that I wished every human on the planet could go through the same course, but upon first hearing about it, I rejected it because I hadn’t evolved enough to receive it as a potential wonderful, and truly life-changing event that it was.

This sounds like being open minded. It's something I strive to accomplish, but I don't always succeed. Hopefully it's the attempt the counts!

Listening for understanding rather than to craft a response is not a common mindset, in my experience. I think it is a superior path!

A good rhetoric teacher will tell you, too, that if you enter the rhetorical space of a debate without the possibility of your mind being changed, you’re not engaging in good faith.

That's probably the same reason I waste my time debating things in a dying app like Amino.

I hope I would never have to walk in the shoes of a nazi, climate change denier or trump supporter.
Nor do I ever want to be convinced by them that my point of view is wrong or lose a debate regarding such matters.

Derek:

The pursuit of understanding is curiosity at its finest! Losing an argument means, if taken as a lesson, is a blessing in learning about a subject you aren’t yet knowledgeable about. Overcoming the emotional feelings of “loss” with gratitude toward your teacher (debate partner) is a resilience we all need to strengthen, I believe! Perspective matters!

I like this perspective because I'm often way too judgemental and need to walk a mile in other folk's shoes. It is the flaw in my personality that bothers me the most. Sometimes I sit at the airport and try to secretly compliment everyone that goes by. Not sure where I found that but it does help.

Great summary of a real hands on approach to getting a grip - It’s certainly acted as a reminder to me that I need to proactively make more space for others

Thank you for your eyebrow raising and eye opening observations.
Truly an "AHA" moment for me!
Peace be with you!

Good post as always Derek - in this crazy world, there are those who have seen and those who have yet to see. Humans are not my favourite species, considering how they treat each other, nature and especially, the animal kingdom. We have so far still to go in trying to understand each other...

So in my perspective, we are all here to enhance each other’s journey through life. Each person at some level longs for a better life? A different life? A more exciting life? It’s what keeps us on the path to becoming better humans. Of course it is different from each view point. But that is the beauty of hearing and listening with our hearts. We take the parts we gather that we feel will enhance our lives where we are and discard those we feel have no bearing. We learn from each other. But if we are always assuming people are right and not debating we aren’t a part of the journey, we are an observer, and while the person speaking might be extolling a value, where is our piece to give back? If we are not debating, we are not contributing to the better good of this life journey.

Perfect!

This is a nice mindset and I often adopt it myself. But I've come to realise it is a privileged one (I'm white, male, employed, not very old), often the topic of debate will not affect me in a meaningful way and so I can easily look at it objectively, disconnected and neutral. If you try to explain this approach to someone who is actually on the wrong end of a bad situation they would probably find it pretty annoying. Topics like racism, sexism, human rights violations, etc can certainly be better understood, but to hope they can some how be justified is not helpful. Maybe this is not how you meant to apply this philosophy, but others may interpret it as an appropriate way to talk about such things.

I love how you think. I’ll be sharing this with my son and will continue to think about this kind of mindset.

I agree with this Derek.

I removed myself from social media because I was fatigued intellectually and I began to stop talking and listen more, like I was 6 years old again.

It spurred me back to the piano and also to sit quietly and meditate before getting on with my day.

Thank you for sharing.

EP

Great insights. I try to avoid debates. Maybe I should try and 'compete' with a lose mindset when debates come up

Beautiful little text... it's on the opposite side of what we see in social media "debates".
Thanks agrais, Derek!

Hmmmm
Interesting perspective

There's a fury inside of me that I only just came to fully know after seeing a picture of Novak Djokovic & Bill Gates (spliced together). Your post is now turning my insides out. Work to be done!

Feeling this right now! "I want to hear everything about how clothing is like the SMTP protocol"

If we want to learn and be knowledgeable and wise, knowing how to ask questions is more important than knowing the answers. When you stop asking questions, you stop learning.

Great piece! Your writing is reflective and insightful, capturing the essence of what it means to truly understand and appreciate different perspectives. Your message of open-mindedness and the desire to learn from others is commendable and a lesson for us all.

Have you also tried similar with people you may feel like you already know? See them like you have just met and you are seeing through their eyes for the very first time? I always learn something new.

Thank you for sharing. You are a wonderful example of human potential.

Let's begin by establishing that there is no winning and losing in truly rich conversations or dialogues -- but I think you are kind of saying that here in fact...!

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” ~ Aristotle

Cool perspective. I personally doesn't like debate because I didn't care enough to change other people's mind. I prefer to listen more attentively to people who have a different perspective, and then try asking further questions to understand how they came to that POV.

'Thinking that people are stupid is not thinking. Understanding them is.'

very interesting.. gonna apply this. Thanks Derek!

It's good to understand the mindset of others, as it makes us more compassionate. But it doesn't help others if we withhold something that we know is better. A tree might be happy being planted near a mud puddle, but being planted near a river might be the better option. Of course, we can't force people to choose the better path, but if we convince someone to excel, that's a good thing, and it doesn't even have to be called an argument, but an enlightenment.

Yes.


Will you write posts where you explain how you 'lost a debate' or more importantly changed your mind about something with a new viewpoint? For example, how does learning that the sex worker loves her job help you transform your own way of being, if at all?

The problem with debate is those involved are so focused on defending their perspectives, they lose objectivity and present a far less nuanced vision and/or explanation. They highlight the good and conceal the bad.

That being said, without a mechanism like debate to challenge concepts, there is little incentive to improve.

Allowing quiet discernment prior to acting or reacting - God’s Spirit at work! Certainly not easy, but well worth stopping and listening and meditating on moments with people different from ourselves.

I backpacked western Europe junior year of college. I made it to Amsterdam and saw the "Red light District". I was appalled. I thought how could anyone support this?

The worker at my hostel was an 18 year old girl from the Netherlands. I asked her, "How do you feel about the prostitution? She replied, "It's great!" MY jaw literally HIT the countertop. "I don't have to worry about rape or sexual related crimes. We have some of the lowest rates in the world." It was at that moment I became a libertarian. Legalize & Regulate.

Open minds are so much fun.

Thanks as always.

So curious what caused this realization. cause ut's beautiful Derek. This is such a needed way of thinking in our modern world where so many people think it's their way or teh highway.

“Truth is not what you want it to be: it is what it is, and you must bend to it’s power or live a lie.”
-Miyamoto Musashi

All those peoples opinions and stories are their own truths.

Yes please. Share the thru-line of a couple examples listed above. The Hindu & the Muslim.

contempt is the most poisonous of all human emotions. judging other people is incredibly harmful to them and harms our chances at learning and developing allies.

debate is a process that involves a very limited part of our brains; the frontal cortex. It thinks it knows things. But it is largely unaware of how it is being affected by the rest of the nervous system, especially the emotional part, and how that totally warps its analyses. debate about life choices and view points is totally absurd. Observation, and checking in with the somatic information we are receiving has a lot more value. Curiosity, acceptance and appreciation open us to new information and relationships that could be useful to us. Not just in a frontal cortex kind of way, neither, but on a soul-nourishing level.

I'm going let the last 2 sentences simmer for a while. Great post !

I remind myself to just LISTEN on my way to work each day, driving up the Truman Parkway in Savannah GA. My mantra is:
Today I will listen.
I will listen with compassion.
I will listen with love.
I will listen with patience.
I will listen to learn.

Your passage about “thinking that people are stupid is not thinking. Understanding them is.”

So I shall add the line to my mantra: Today I will listen and think.

Thanks Derek.

I want to lose every debate, I'm just so darn good I keep winning them!!!

Thank you, Derrek. This reminds me of a line in your 'Anything You Want Book' about stepping into a conversation, potential argument, perhaps with a significant other, and being willing to lose. (wish I had the quote)

I'm constantly working on becoming less defensive in my personal relationship with my partner. This is a gentle reminder to place my partner's glasses and shoes on anytime I don't see her side.

I usually ask myself. What did I win (and/or what did I lose...)? For many "winning" is just an ego boost or arrogance since they won nothing, but possibly lost too without knowing. The loss of respect by being bullheaded or close minded for example. I like to remind my own kids that if the only reason they won an argument was by wearing down the other person, they didn't really win at all.

Fantastic. I agree with the commenter who said contempt is poisonous. I too want to hear what the sex worker, hedonist, Singaporean, the Hindu woman and the Muslim person said. I'm sharing this post with others.

Rather than debate, I like to ask questions of one who holds a POV that I don't. As I ask my students, "Please raise your hand if you would like the answer to life right now!" Almost all do, a some say they want to figure out on their own.
I then share my belief that

"The answer to life is QUESTIONS!!!!

I love this perspective! There is mutual gain from going into any conversation with this mindset. Being a learner verses a knower leaves room seeing, being present, and exploring how many uniquely beautiful and diverse people live on this planet.

This is the problem in the US right now. People are so aligned with their political party or religious beliefs they can even listen to the “opposition” without trying to prove whet they are wrong. News flash, they are not the real opposition, conflicting views are ok and actually probably healthier than the alternative.

The best part of working retail for more than a decade was meeting people and learning about them, what made them tick, what was important to them. I don’t miss the 7 day a week grind, but I do miss the interactions.

This is so well said, and on a very personal level. Humans! The brain seeks sameness and the ego seeks to be right! How hard it is to slough off our reptilian reactions and think mindfully instead. If someone doesn't agree with you, that's a wonderful starting point for a discussion. Learn, learn, learn! Instead, our culture frames everything as a competition, rewarding the winners. As soon as you start thinking dualistically, you're lost to yourself. Quiet the mind, allow yourself to evolve and vibrate at a higher frequency.

I love to debate so that I can push myself and the other person to the point of being brutally honest because only then, you can hear the "real: point of view. We are all so busy being "nice" that we stopped saying what we really feel. It's really an art to debate without getting personal

I'm proud to be a rush-rush-TLDR, attention-span-challenged member of North America, (not really) but... That's only my ego wanting to "win."

I just want to say, to folks like me, that it can be humbly instructive to slow down enough to be able to say, if I lift my eyes from a comment, what I just read.

The idea of clothing being like SMTP made me think that clothing is used culturally like spam filtering. For some people it's trained using Bayesian rules, for others it's blacklisting of people who wear certain clothing or look a certain way. For the most selective, we only allow those who match our whitelist into our circle of friends. Thanks for making me think!

Love this! Humility explained with a practical application - steps to open-mindedness beyond the principle ...

Watching the interviews on the sulfur miners in Indonesia shows how mindset works and how "adaptive" humans are - despite their working conditions (or in spite?), they are smiling for the camera.

I work in home health and my patients vary wildly. This is the perspective I try and take. It helps me learn and as a clinician, I try to never share my beliefs. We can learn so much from people who differ from us in every way. People are messy yet so beautiful.

Losing an argument gives you interesting insights (you can apply these however you like)
Winning a debate gives you one debate point (still unknown what these are for)

Sometimes I lose debates even though I'm winning or right for as little a reason as that I am straining to finish a thought and get back to my own goals.

Now I'm hoping you write an article going into details for each of the new perspectives you listed. (2)

Agree. As I wrote in my Love This Life Manifesto…
“It’s not so bad being proven wrong.”

Keep ‘em coming Derek.

Inspiring as usual Derek. Thank you for this.

Absolutely

We are all born into the best circumstances, although it probably doesn't seem like it to most, that gives us opportunity to learn our life lessons and grow spiritually!

We are somewhat like spokes on a wheel.
We all start in a different place, but we're trying to get to the same place !

Maybe I should start approaching every conversation this way. Let's give it a try, starting now.

This or a paraphrase might be great as a plaque outside the entrance to congresses and parliaments to raise the level of debate where they debate for a living

Great perspective to have , though I find it incredibly hard to practice . Maybe in a future blog post you can give us the interviews of each of those folks mentioned in the post , sounds really interesting :)

Non judgement is a bridge to understanding.

This reminds me of a mantra that's helped me learn in situations where I'd usually judge someone: if I believe someone is stupid or crazy it means I don't understand them yet.

It used to be easy to stop thinking after dismissing someone as stupid or crazy. Now that I flag those descriptions as the start of working to understand them I keep digging until their behavior makes perfect sense.

Reminds me of Covey: "Seek first to understand, and then to be understood."

I agree. When I talk to people I want to learn something. In my home town you talk to everyone- to people on the bus next to you, to the homeless guy begging for money, to the weird guy next to you on the plane with the attache case handcuffed to his wrist. They teach you and you teach them. It's really satisfying to see things through different eyes. And get the scoop on tomorrow's news too sometimes!

And I wonder what could unfold if the idea of winning or losing is just a perspective too? What if the intention was to expand our awareness? Everyone's perspective feels true for them.... Until it doesn't.

I am uncomfortable with people who think other humans are stupid because they figure they disagree with someone views or approaches that the 'other' have. It's the same for me with people that prefer smart or so called intelligent people. They also remind me of people who don't like wealthy people or who don't like poor people.

This might be partly because of some insecurity I have that I might be seen as either of these groups. I'm still learning, not minding, not being liked :-)

I prefer to appreciate how varied, deep and amazing humans are, full stop. To your post, we all stand in different shoes with differing perspectives, which I have grown to enjoy(too)in adulthood.

A nice short, but thought provoking post. Makes me think about a beginners mindset and giving yourself the power to unlearn in order to grow. You don't always need to win the argument. You must learn to listen and understand other perspectives.

I agree with you. However, I also like to convince people of my existing perspective, if they don't resist it, of course. If they are open to it, my shared experiences can enrich them in the same way that you are describing. And why wouldn't I want to do that? :)

"It’s illuminating."

It's also very humbling.

Repeat exposure is the best way to start building that humility muscle. Then the trick is to try and catch yourself before make a fool of yourself.

Like the poem says: "Bitch, be humble."

Agree, my personal paradox however is that I don’t stop being stereotypical about others or having fewer labels in my head for certain behaviors, do you?. Perhaps it’s that Mind 1 kicking in, and you need to slow down and let Mind 2 process a certain situation / context / person to come to a rational conclusion that there is no uniform truth / value in this world

Interested - has anyone ever convinced you of something that you opposed, that you have now adopted?

Hi Derek,

It seems clear that broader and deeper understanding of humanity is more important for you than who is right or who's wrong. That's also called compassion on a grand scale.

You are great thinker and great friend for all of us!

Cheers 🍻 👏
Gong Qian

Man, talk about feeling small... my life aspirations are insignificant in comparison. I’d rather everyone see it my way 🙃

Neutrality

Hi Derek,

great thought provoking perspectives as usual. You are one of my life inspirations, I'm always quoting you to my family, and they have read half your books now too. I'm always saying Derek would say...

OK. Still, sometimes people are full of it, uninformed or just plain dumb. I don't necessarily need to hear those individuals out.

Been ages Derek. A friend just sent me this. Made me think of the first album I sent to CD Baby. Made me think about how you did something monumental that no one else ever did. Thank you.


- C.
-

Good one way to look at things

This was an excellent message for my life behavior.
I am around many brainwashed people... and it bothers me.

“Do not give what is holy [THE TRUTH] to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces” (Matthew 7:6).

I believe this is one of your most powerful posts. You set a profoundly rich groundwork here for how a productive discussion can be had. It is a groundwork based upon the ground rule of having compassion for others while recognizing that I may not be correct in all that I believe. This is how a dialogue based upon making progress is purposely superior to a dialogue in which both parties are merely attempting to prevail. One love brother!!!

I love this Derek. And I agree whole-heartedly. Personal experiences of humanity with people who come from completely different worlds, perspectives, reference points and opinions is the most impactful way to cultivate compassion and understanding.

I also love being wrong. It is a fascinating way to learn and continue to be curious about the world, and people, around you.

I like this perspective. I think it’s liberating to be open enough to listen to and consider other people’s viewpoints and perspectives. Living solely within our own thoughts and ideas feels like a punishment to ourselves.

Joined the anti theism culture early in life. I’m lucky I did, the early experience made the change to theism so much easier.

Meaning in life is submission to something greater then oneself
, there’s no other way to slice it, submission to God will bring your life meaning.

I now find my former crowd cringe, sad and a slave to there own ego.

You don’t get to choose whether you are or are not a slave, only what you slave to, and what you will worship. Choose wisely. Just my 2 cents.

If only everyone were open-minded like you, there would be less misery in the world.

Love this. Thanks for the reminder, Derek! Great paradigm to use for when I lose a debate too!

Thanks, Derek. What a beautiful article and an open mind. Sometimes, a debate might be necessary for people to open up and get close. I’m happy to debate on this point and would not be afraid to lose. :-)

I wish you had recorded those conversations or transcribed them. They sound fascinating.

Wow. I find this super refreshing and intriguing. Will try!

I think it’s awesome. When I was in graduate school, I was commuting on a bus from Boulder to Denver to become a counselor. I spoke to everyone I sat next to and asked if there was anything they hoped a counselor would know about them to better serve them. Those were some of my favorite conversations. I spoke to a person who wasn’t documented who had saved $200,000 to put both of his daughters through college and get their green cards, though as a kitchen manager, he hadn’t yet saved enough to paid for his green card.

This ain’t losing. It’s listening, understanding and learning!! Very smart and sensibly selfish.
But you’re kind too. I learn from your experiences and insights. I enjoy reading your articles and blogs. So many thanks.
Bhaskar

"Thinking that people are stupid is not thinking. Understanding them is."

Would love to have this belief tattooed on the inside of my skull.

Side note, I've read that Musk and Bezos also have similar beliefs. They don't seek to prove themselves right. They seek to prove themselves wrong.

Here's another of my favourite internet thinkers talking about the same thing-
www.julian.com/blog/mental-model-examples

Insightful & immediately useful post!

I usually try to assume that people are telling their truth, and I never initially believe anyone.

I realised that I now need to go to the next level and assume that everyone is right in their beliefs so I can listen and understand their truth better. That is the trickiest part for me.

Thanks for sharing

"I never want to debate, but if I had to, I would hope to lose. I don’t want to convince anyone of my existing perspective. I would rather be convinced of theirs. It’s more interesting to assume that they are right."

You're way ahead of me. I'm still learning to lose every debate by merely listening to what the other party has to say.

Cheers,
Jernej

"Thinking that people are stupid is not thinking. Understanding them is." Amen. I often try to explain to people how understanding is synonymous with acceptance.

I try to hold this perspective as well, though I doubt I'm able to execute it as well as you. That said, I am fascinated by other people and the perspectives they hold. I trust that they have come to these perspectives because they feel that they are best for them. I would like to understand how they have come to feel that way. I can't promise that it will change my mind, but I can promise that I will do my best to listen with respect and an open mind.

A good perspective but there are times when your position is very beneficial to the person talking to you.

So both sides have large potential!

I usually let the person present their point or argument without interruption. I may sneak in a clarifying question or two just so it’s not a monologue. Then I ask “but what if you’re wrong?” Their next response reveals if they’re worthy of having a meaningful debate/discussion with or not.

I personally don’t debate to win or lose; just to learn. I either learn a new perspective or knowledge. Or a better way to present/defend my own point of view. Either way, I m leaving with a positive.

Well said. No debate here! :)

Reading your work or listening to interviews with you very often have that effect on me i.e. changing my perspective.

This post is in that bucket as well. Thanks!

Derek, thank you, again, for sharing your thoughts.
"Thinking that people are stupid is not thinking." - this sums up my feelings in so many situations at work.

"Thinking that people are stupid is not thinking. Understanding them is". This is a new thinking dimension for me. I am competitive by nature. I just don't want to loose. Now I am going to use it for being more wiser 😁

I love having my point of view expanded. It's like shining a light in the dark room of my own opinions.

I'm also now expecting a full blog post expanding on the "clothing as protocol" theme BTW :)

Wow these examples got me real curious on the perspectives; especially the Singaporean and Hindu ones.

Opening yourself to the world

Me too. Thank you

Beautiful perspective that promotes respect and compassion!

+1 to further unpacking of why clothing is like SMTP
Ask Meng here: sg.linkedin.com/in/mengwong ☺ — Derek

I get it, but not entirely agree though. Just like Karl R. Popper said, “While differing widely in the various little bits we know, in our infinite ignorance we are all equal.” - we are all wrong to start with and the goal is to be less wrong. Winning an argument most likely won't make us less wrong, but losing does not guarantee that either. Only those make you less wrong are the arguments worthy of losing.

I’m going to start teaching one day a week at a big music retailer. The pay’s awful but the discounts on gear are huge and the environment is interesting. It’s a situation that scares me so I’m gonna go for it, one shift a week. The manager told me yesterday he drinks 12 shots of vodka plus 3 beers a night. I couldn’t believe it, I asked how and why. Apparently he just loves drinking. He eats a single sandwich wrap at 11pm and other than that his calories come exclusively from alcohol. He hasn’t missed a day of work in 10 years. He’s happy, polite, respectful, of average weight. I couldn’t come up with a reason he can’t do this besides it being bad for his body. A part of me wants to see if I can convince him to quit drinking and stop being a hermit but a bigger part of me is happy for him to be doing what he likes.

I try to learn something from everyone that I meet.

I DO hope that you will tell the stories of those bullet points!

Thank you!

VR is a great way to partially put yourselves into someone else's shoes. While it can never replicate all the real elements, it gives one a strong sense of what the other person (or group of people) experiences; especially when it comes to handicaps or racism or any socio-economic disadvantage.

This is new to me and an amusing one. The whole idea morphed my face into a smile/grin. I should practice this from now on. :)

This is part of the reason I follow you. In some ways, I think, wow did not think of that. In contrast, others make me scratch my head wondering what I am missing.

Thank you for your ideas and content.

You are so utterly delightful. Thank you for being on the earth and sharing your humble brilliance.

I am usually happy to be wrong, it means I learned something new and my perspective has changed. It's something children have but adults have somehow lost. Having said this it's also difficult to find people who are open to talk about sensitive issues with a 'seeking to understand' mentality.

It’s very refreshing to be given a peek into a completely new and foreign perspective. It challenges our current mindset, if we are prepared to entertain them.

Much, much younger at school me and friend debated various topics, one was pro and the other was against whatever it was. When another was "winning" and other "loosing" debate, or other was left speechless that person could change positions so he got other persons point of view. Soo much fun. When you had a good point you also had to think ahead what if suddenly you were against your own opinion...

It reminds me of a philosophy of mine to treat everyone as if they were an ally, not an enemy. If everyone embodied the wisdom in this post, there would be no war. Powerful stuff, Derek.

Agreed!

I absolutely love this approach. Debating in general is fascinating.
I once had a thought provoking debate with someone and I was losing on all accounts even though my point of view was more ethical. Weeks later, he told me he agrees with me but for him it was really interesting to argue the other point to see if he could do it. Convinced me.
Another thing I noticed, when I tried to "win" a debate, I did not listen to the other point of view. The only thing I did, was trying to come up with a new argument in my head. I missed so much in those conversations. I could have listened instead.

This is all leading somewhere...👀

This is a great approach. I always kind of assume that I am missing something when something doesn't make sense.

It may be that the person started part way through their thinking process, in which case, you can ask them to take you back to the start.

It may be that your learn a new context that clarifies a situation from a different perspective.

It may be that you get to hear something that doesn't entirely make sense, but you get to see the individual's blind spots, and then you know a little more about the person, and can be sympathetic because there's a whole new story behind those blind spots that if you are lucky, you might get to find out about in time.

It's also why I love being dumped into situations with no context. You get to peel things away bit-by-bit and you get to see the whole in parts in a way that nobody else will ever get to see.

Discovering life is like drinking nectar for the first time each sip.

So thanks for the post, Derek. As ever, just enough to make me think, not so much as to preach.

I so agree!

World Will be a better place if everyone shared your View!

Thank you!

The older I get, the more I've come to believe that few things are worth debating, but I can't make a generalized statement declaring everyone's perspective has merit. Pedophiles believe it's alright to take the innocence away from your son. I would vehemently disagree. Some people believe that since they are stronger, they have the right to rape, rob, and abuse anyone they choose. While these are extreme examples, they also represent the need to take a stand when necessary. I do agree that everyone has the right to their beliefs and their choices, providing that their choices do not infringe on others' rights. Debate is a waste of time on people with preconceived notions. Perhaps that's why Jesus said in Revelation 21:8:
"Let the one who does wrong still do wrong, and the one who is filthy still be filthy; and let the one who is righteous still practice righteousness, and the one who is holy still keep himself holy.”

“Thinking that people are stupid is not thinking. Understanding them is.”

Reading your work helps to understand more.

I appreciate it.

Meg

If you turn the coin around, it means that everybody that have a different opinion of me must also lose every debat with me, isn’t it?
That will result in a catch 22 and a pointless world.

This is wonderful, Derek. I love your open-mindedness and your wisdom, and especially the fact that you love to share it with others. Thank you.

Presumably all of these lost debates lead to a pretty robust value structure / interpretation of reality for you.

How do you incorporate (or mostly NOT incorporate) new information?

Things that have worked for a very long time seem to hold up better than novel views.

Thanks in advance.

Before judging someone, walk a mile in their shoes. My father used to take the oppositional side of some debates in order to learn more about his adversaries points of view.

WOW! Love it. A personal rule I go by is "Do not condemn that which you haven't or cannot understand." I want to either grow to understand it, or embrace that I can't yet.

Pensieri bellissimi di amore, fratellanza e volontà di condivisione. Bellissimi. Magari fosse così facile! Ma se ti trovi davanti a organizzazioni (leggi anche eserciti militari) SCIENTEMENTE CRIMINALI in grado di depredare nazioni per puro interesse eegoistico? E tu ripudi la guerra perché sai che la guerra è il peggior male possibile...Che fare? AIUTO!!!!

Love this! It's an effortless mindset shift that changes how I view being wrong.

I never thought of losing a debate as gaining perspective instead of opposing my viewpoint by tuning everything else out. As you highlighted in the article linked, imposing a single view without trying to shift perspective is enough of a heuristic to know that your argument is biased. I.e., you quit the game before it has even started.

Derek, my brother. I understand the seeming benefits of being non-conflictual. Some things are objectifiably true. In the epistemology of truth: Postmodernism eradicates truth. Truth becomes provisional. Common sense dies with these infectious, idea pathogens. Commitment to reason, open inquiry, and scientific investigation die. My truth and your truth become trans-truth and government truth; the data to counter it will be shunned and banned - and government truth will be imposed through government force.

The old distinction between facts and values has been canceled, where values are subjective and facts are not. Now facts are held to be subjective. It’s the old French communist postmodernism of Foucault and Derrida; the liberation from shackles of reality, the eradication of logic, common sense, and reason.
Communist philosopher Derrida asserted that words inadequately explain reality; therefore, what they explain is an alternate reality. Words can be used to describe and create an alternate reality and can be used to ‘deconstruct’ our reality.

But this has escaped from the academic lab and infected the entire culture. It's the road of fellow travelers to false unity, tribalism, and balkanization. It's being used to take our freedoms and liberties and properity away. The road of tribalism doesn’t end well, it’s grotesques.
We have to back to a celebration of individual dignity, morality (not church government), meritocracy (not nepotism and favritism and affirative acton), common law (not Roman law exempting high-cast, uniparty establishment officials); soveriegnty a la Westphalia (not borderless states and stateless corporations); rather than administrative, weaponized bureaucracies; collectivism; globalism; and postmodernism

If we are deeply involved in many things in our lives, it soon becomes very obvious that we are all very unique. This includes twins. Going in the wrong direction from time to time is also likely to happen. We learn from mistakes and if we are strong enough we can change our path.
This brings real learning.

Frank

Debate? Maybe, but only to better understand the other person and what they think. For me, it is curiousity that keeps me interested in someone whose viewpoint differs from mine. I have tested and found true a statement by Anthony De Mello that understanding stops the moment you decide you hate something or someone. It can be a hard challenge to overcome, but very rewarding.

For many years in my facilitator role of CEO Groups, my self-talk before each meeting goes something like this:

Leave everything you/I know behind!

Above all de-center!

In the meeting as issues are raised the self-talk evolves to "oh, that's my answer. My answer is provisional. What question could I ask that would change my mind?

Learning leads to growth leads to life. In every scene, my objective is to extract as much learning as possible in order to give that moment the meaning it deserves.

"Thinking that people are stupid is not thinking. Understanding them is."

Is it be also possible to think that someone is stupid AFTER you've come to understand them? Or because we've come to understand them, we'll never then think that they're stupid?

"Yes, I understand you. That's why I think you're stupid."

OR

"Yes, I understand you. Therefore, it's impossible for me to think you're stupid."

?

These are my favorite moments as well. I would say it's not only about debates though, could happen by simply having some kind of enlightenment when you truly listen to something that you wouldn't have believed in before.
Happens for me when I hear something that feels itchy, I feel there is something I don't trust but that rings a bell, so I get closer, and suddenly I see a new perspective. I love how refreshing that is.
True of the doors which open as well, that you've always kept close because you didn't deem them interesting. And one day someone tells you there's a whole playground behind that door. World-expanding!
Debating, depending on the person in front of you, might be the way to truly get that perspective of theirs though, I see it more as a tool to understand rather than conquer. Often it's not taken this way though
Well-put! Thanks Alexandre. — Derek

Plus it makes them really wanna talk about the idea rather than just argue…

I have to think directly of a passage I read in a summary of the book „How to win friends and influence people“ by Dale Carnegie:

“Make your fellow human beings feel important! The best way to do this is to follow the mindset of the writer Ralph Waldo Emerson. The philosopher believed that every person was superior to him in some area of life. So there was something for him to learn and appreciate in every encounter.”

Great thoughts & mindset Derek!

Simply profound!

I echo your thoughts in most ways. I believe the willingness to change one's mind is or should be the foundation of most debates. That is one reason I try to cultivate friendships with people of all different kinds, welcoming their different perspectives. Where I differ with you is in my enjoyment in changing people's minds, winning them over to at least understanding my point of view, if not adopting it. In any reasonable debate, both sides should be open to a change of mind and I believe that is one of the primary reasons that we find our nation so divided right now with all sides digging their heels more aggressively into the sand.

Well, one wouldn't play music without doing scale exercises, nor stage acting without doing drama exercises. Before one approaches a debate or "learning experience" one could do like Glen Cook's Garrett, a detective in a fantasy world.

Garrett gets witnesses and people in general life talking because he leans half into their point of view. Besides, that way he is not intimidated. In fact, he ends up dating a millionaire's daughter, a crime lord's daughter and a powerful fairy,(fantasy, remember) all because he can look to see the real person.

Back when pride parades were small and scary, a friend liked how she could take me to a homosexual bar because I would never hurt anybody's feelings, would never trip over myself rushing to announce I was straight. She told people I was a chameleon. Sort of like detective Garrett.

Debate is about "people knowing nothing" ,it is about being human: instead of having an ego, there is a huge ego having them.
Everyone is right and at the same time they can be wrong.
Who is to judge? Life is, "Life is never wrong" people are.
If you had the same reasons the other person has you would debate like he does.
There are no opposing words there is no debate, there are different reasons for what is right or wrong.
People do know what is good and what is bad? But that is not what they want, need, like or understand.
Highly important post people will not stop debating, most people do what they do for one reason only: because they can.
THANK YOU DEREK.

This post sounds relatable to me Derek. The more I live, the more I hate debating and the more I find it just a waste of energy.

i wrote about doing a dissection as a layman, partly inspired by your writings

alok.github.io/2022/11/09/dissection/

Pretty cool thought !

I’m pretty curious about the link between SMTP and clothing !

I try to regularly pray that God leads me to understanding and past my intellectual prejudices, hubris, and assumptions. And if one thinks that prayer doesn't work and that it's just a waste of time... well, that's exactly the kind of assumption I'm trying to cleanse with this prayer.

Kind regards,
David

Should we get out of Vietnam?

Rather than give a quick answer/thesis and then defend and debate... I would say, "Gee, my professor says that the less words I have been assigned, or the less words and time for us two to talk, the more I should narrow my topic."

Maybe we should stick to debating/discussing "winning hearts and minds" and if so, then should we narrow more to hearts in the "villages" or hearts in the "major cities and campuses"?

If army, then ours or theirs? If theirs, then how they are prosecuting the war, or about our part: How we are letting them fail by only advising, and never hiring or firing... for their own good?

By narrowing, we would shed light, avoid a superficial thesis, and maintain our relationship without hot arguing.

Incidentally, it was the failure, pre-Vietnam, to win Third World hearts and minds, and the horror of the Ugly American, that prompted the Kennedy administration to start up the Peace Corps.

Its a great art to listen to other's perspective of viewing the situation. It acts like a game changer. Its called the adulthood phenomena ,where you avoid debate and trying to listen what others think.

Do not remember learning this from whom. But your post reminded me my goal - mostly at work & also in life - is not to be right, but to be less wrong.

I love this! Thanks Derek!

Interesting that becoming convinced of the other’s perspective is construed as losing.

It's nice to be around those who believe in "growing their understanding," but most people don't, not even during our most liberated period in our lives: university. Many students have no intention of ever opening up enough to discuss, as in a girl and a boy over coffee, "the meaning of life."

Derek, you mentioned a sex worker. I remember feeling lonely because I couldn't tell my classmates, in a class where one of us was in a street van helping prostitutes, that I was living with two sex trade workers... And how I tired I was of visitors saying, "This is like (the TV show) Three's Company." We three knew each other before we moved in together.

The class was called Emotional Disabilities, and I couldn't bring myself to reveal that I had known someone socially, from every category we discussed, including multiple personalities. (Also, my best friend had the beginning stage of that disorder) Maybe I could now. (Yes, as an adult I had a best friend)

When my friends say, "He's cool" that is a codeword for "he can handle a different reality." Today my artist peer group is such a nice relief after time with my peer group of mundanes.

Come to think of it, maybe it is time I dropped in on a certain university club where they now have their own club space...

In the best of my personal worlds I would not wish to debate, but only to discuss.

But this is indeed a luxury we cannot always afford, for in the world of politics and politicians, lack of debate leads to tyranny.

Witness our current political climate of silencing and censoring opposing view points, of trying to establish consensus in science, which is anathema to true inquiry... of refusing to debate or even to discuss...

But you can choose to lose some of them. Eager to explore new information (including perspective) is good, but you don’t need to learn everything. It’s OK to be ignorant.

This will give me a peace of mind during a confrontation with a person who loves to win every debate.

Like what Morgan Housel said, “no one is stupid.” what seems crazy to one person could make perfect sense for another.

Hi there Derek,

“I never want to debate, but if I had to, I would hope to lose”… I guess I know what you mean. I more or less agree.

The debates I partook in were somewhat ugly, so those are not things I look forward doing again. (However I will face the challenge if I have to. Because, whether you “win” or “lose” a debate you’ll become more knowledgeable).

It’s great to hear people’s perspectives. Sitting down and listening to someone’s perspective on something is being respectful to others.

But again, the good tree produces good fruit, and the bad tree bad fruit. So people should take heed concerning the time and effort they invest in absorbing knowledge from others.

Great post. Thanks.
R.R.

Terrific! You gave me a new perspective.

Really like your ending paragraph. The positive spin is awesome. Really like it. Going to try it/practice it.

I can’t right now remember the source (dunning Kruger effect?) but it said something to the effect to just stay quiet when the other person thinks they know more or are right (and they aren’t). I am visiting my folks, and of course my dad is always right, and the only one right. I have been staying mum.

I love your blog
Thanks Neil. — Derek

this is true pursuit of truth, leaving ego at the door, dropping lesser games

Hello Derek,

You have a valid point.
Something I read recently in
"Clear Thinking" by Shane Parrish as well

"Our desire to feel right overpowers our desire to be right."

That's our ego default and we give no room to other views.

But to be better we have to everyone love our opinions as well. I can be wrong, you can be right. That's how we progress. We have to give liberty to the assumption to prove it to be true. We can factcheck any belief like in mathematics and reverse when it's wrong.

Regards,
Asha

Extreme curiosity is so cool.

Any thoughts on how to cultivate it?

"It’s more interesting to assume that they are right,"

Highlighting the value of embracing diverse viewpoints.

Love this article!

Losing a debate is the ultimate win — because what’s a lot better than being right is having our thinking expanded and upgraded.