Thinking something nice about someone? Tell them.

Thanks for this timely reminder, Derek!!

Thanks, Derek. ;)

This is something I've been making a more conscious effort to do recently. I think it's important to lean into spontaneous thought and take action while the thought lingers. If you momentarily feel inspired to do something nice for someone, you should do it immediately!

Nice.
I see what you did there. :-) — Derek

Derek, you're the person I "don't" email the most...

Whenever I'm wrestling with an issue that I feel you would have a unique perspective on I go to email you.
The process of doing so, without fail, clarifies my thinking enough to know the answer.

I think works because, one, I've read/listened to 'most everything you've put online so I can think "WWDD?", and two, you are so approachable my brain knows I can actually press send.

So, thank you. And thanks for all you do.

I keep forgetting I can e-mail instead of a paper letter, although I do e-mail my local politician.

Scott Berkun once essayed on his blog about complimenting people . He said a guy waited until Scott's very last day at work to compliment him because he thought Scott already knew. So Berkun, in my own words, made a practise of commonly giving positive feedback.

A few weeks later, when I remarked on the effort Berkun made for a long post of multiple book reviews he said, "I'm glad somebody noticed." Why, oh why, don't we notice more?

As for "reasons" like "already knew" and "hear it too much" I lay some of the blame to the idiocy of not wanting people to "get a swelled head." That is what poor Barbara Streisand's parents believed, as they treated her not-so-well. In an interview on the Piers Morgan show, I could tell Barbara was still angry and disgusted at that aspect of her parents.

In contrast, on another Piers show, Roger Moore, a senior citizen, said his parents were very nice to him, and I could tell he was very happy about that.

A certain form of compliment I often see on television quite often is where a man tells a woman she is beautiful. I don't say that about anyone's looks myself, but I do try to be friendly and gentle enough for a lady to know for sure that I don't dismiss her, or resent her, for her beauty. I once told a worried international model, "There are categories of people that intimidate me, but never folks in modelling or ...."

As for well know people, it was Mark Twain—and I have often used these words—who said, "I can go all day on a compliment."

I have been doing this for around a year now. I will randomly message or email someone that I am thinking about them and tell them why. The responses I've gotten have been overwhelmingly positive. Everybody likes hearing nice things, and you never know how much they might matter or affect the person.
It feels like I am putting very little energy for the amount of happiness the other person feels.

I 100% agree Derek, great reminder of a very important kind of action!

Well, in that case... Thanks for doing everything you do! I'm always reading your stuff, but I rarely comment or reach out because I don't want to add noise.

In a way, I think of you as a mentor, and I was going to tell you how most of the time I follow your advice on that as well. Which is to predict what you'd say, and I end up finding the answer myself.

But I just reread that article about asking mentors and was struck to see that you say: "If anything, I might email to thank them for their continued inspiration.". I completely forgot about that part! Thanks for reminding me, and I'll be sure to keep it in mind.

Wonderful!

Hey Derek,

Greetings from Finland.

Being inspired by your recent article "Thinking something nice about someone? Tell them.", I just wanted to say Thank you.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, ideas and wisdom to people who want to listen. I'm one of those people and have been following your blog for a few years now. I really appreciate the work you do and I find it very valuable.

Please continue doing so. Thank you!

All the best,
Niko



Please

Great reminder. I do disagree with the point that creatives could all make more money if they were "bankers." I think many are doing what they do best and will be rewarded the most for. Even doctors are always saying they are just doing it to help people and that they could have made more money as a "CEO." But from they way they run their offices (sloppy billing, running late all the time, etc.) I doubt that their skill sets would cross over that way. Thanks again.

Derek, you're the Marcus Aurelius of modern times. I love reading and listening to you. You always inspire me with your thoughts, ideas, and kindness. So...thank you. I look forward to reading your next books.

Your blog has been helping me since I can’t remember. Thanks Derek!

Noted. Action taken. You're right. It doesn't take very long. (It's why I've done it so often over the years!). Thank you for the wisdom, Derek!

Aloha e Derek, Let me give you a well-earned compliment.
Over the years i have so appreciated your books (i have several), your gentle, caring candor, and that you write with passion, purpose and to give people love in all forms, though you do this indirectly, but it is the outcome.

Like a well frosted cake, your smoothness and grace, with a touch of sweet.

Thank you so much for caring. warmest aloha, leigh ann

I agree with this for the most part. But there’a a but…I find that generally standards and attention to detail have fallen so low. I find I am complimenting ‘average’ these days. Average it appears is the ‘new excellent’ 🤷🏼‍♂️. In terms of customer service all that I expect is the provider to do their job like they would expect it to be done if they were the customer. So I keep my expectation low - to save disappointment. Hence when a provider simply does their job these days they appear exceptional. Is the change due to lack of recognition or measurement of performance?

So great it must be to have sooo many great friends like that, to even have anyone to contact to remind them of such wonderful things that they have accomplished in life. Like they say, 'we become most like the most successful people in our lives." And you are so lucky to have sooo many, many! I wish for that too someday!!!

Terry

Well Derek, I remember in the midst of Covid you emailed me personally to check if I was ok. That was a very nice thing to do, thank you.

On the other hand, as a music fan I have praised a couple of my heros face to face, i mean local-ish ones. They tend to regard this as their right and regard me as a schmuck, especially if they don’t know that I’m pretty capable myself. So some musicians have massive ego problems, who knew?!

Love it!!

Thank you, Derek! I discovered you while living in Austin and teaching at UT. I would play your "How to Start a Movement" TED Talk in class every semester. I now live in the north of Spain, and your e-mails continue to bring clarity and inspiration. So THANK YOU.

The lost art of the Thank You card. My grandmother (born in 1905) did this regularly.

Thank You — for the reminder.

Looking back, I believe I am good about paying compliments to certain people I encounter. However, I now realize I have been remiss in thanking YOU for your insightful and inspiring posts. I appreciate that you don't overload my mailbox like some establishments, that whenever you buy a coffee, they want you to complete a 12 question survey on the quality of their service!
Instead, when I receive your periodic posts, I welcome the perspective you share and it usually carries with it, some wisdom.
Anyway, I appreciate the long email friendship that I have enjoyed with you since the early days in Vancouver...
All the best to you my friend. Robb

So agree. I have made some nice contacts in this way. I recently read BRAG BETTER by Meredith Fineman and it blew me away and I emailed her to let her know which she acknowledged. I'm glad you reminded me of this simple act. I want to reach out to Professor Kathleen Stoke to praise her book Material Girls which was such an eye opener for me!

Thank you Derek! I really appreciate how you share your gifts and the things you have learned generously.

Vi

i'm the same way.

Having the ability to affect someone’s day in a positive way is my favorite thing about being a human. And being vulnerable enough to share your appreciation is badass. I would love to hear you and Kleon together in an interview/podcast.

Always prescient, Derek...this habit speaks to living-in and acting-in GRATITUDE. When we are able to pause and truly sink into what makes us grateful, the anchor is often in the actions and being of others. So absolutely, share your gratitude for others...many are living with their own challenged and kind words are powerful sustenance.

A phrase I occasionally hear more often and noticeably from people in their 20s/30s in Oregon is "I appreciate you." I like it.
Thanks for sharing, and for your ripple effects.

Hi Derek
This seems like good advice, so I’m taking the opportunity to thank you!

I regularly do this for my family and friends. My new challenge is to begin reaching out to others who I do not know (or know well) but who have touched my life in some meaningful way.

I also do not expect a reply, although it is nice when I do receive one. I reach out to my people on occasion to let them know that I thought of them warmly and why.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this subject, Derek,

Derek - Thanks for sharing your story on Tim F's podcast way back when. I still think about it and tell friends about it: how you grew into a circus master of ceremonies; how you saved time getting your degree from Berkeley; how you developed and casually grew CD Baby (and that email message to customers!). I still listen to that conversation every now and then - it brightens my day. Keep having fun and please keep sharing.

Best. - Michael O

I do this, but not nearly enough. So today I’m thanking 7 people, starting with you. Thank you! By the way, great podcast today with Tim F.

Adam

Completely agree! Well said.

What a great post. I do it often. If I see a well dressed woman, I will compliment her especially if she is older. I often write postcards. I regularly send postcards to 8 Grandkids, two of them are mine. Each card has three jokes or riddles, related to special days such as Earth Day. A great way to convey nuances in the English language. In ‘82 my husband , my daughter who was three left Long Beach, CA and went on a three year trip around the world. My second child was born en route in Wellington with a midwife and doctor at home. We lived across from the Italian embassy….daily fashion show. When I pushed Aimee out I tore a little bit, the doctor wanted ice to freeze the area. We had none. I had to sit with pieces of chicken between my legs. It was a first for all of us. The entire trip which included nine months in India, 10 weeks in China cost $18k. I am now 77. My husband passed away seven years ago and my boyfriend before I met my husband came back into my life. We met when We both lived in Sydney. I was born in Canada.
My daughter now 38 has three citizenships.
Thanks for all that you do.

Love this! Inspired me to do go do that right now

Thanks, Derek, for sharing your insights with us. Your posts always offer a unique perspective on our lives and the world around us.

I don't think I have nodded this much or this intensely while reading someone else's writing in a longe time. Thank you for putting this into words

Hi Derek,
I came upon this story by chance. I had been looking up some Ted talks for an email I send out to leaders of the company I work with. The video of the one man who was dancing and ended up having everyone follow was inspirational! That video inspired me to look you up online and found this.
Thank you for sharing. Now I want to read your books!
Michelle
PA

Appreciate you and the sharing of your thoughts! :-)

Funny and awesome. I was in a band with a world class singer 30 years ago. Our music just got picked up by a label for release. Mainly because he’s a bit infamous. Sang with tons of known bands and movie soundtracks and brilliant musicians. A musicians singer, not a household name but you’ve heard his voice before. Anyway. He sent me downloads of our music yesterday and I realized I have never told him what an amazing singer he is. For a second I hesitated to send the text but then, for the very reason you wrote this, I sent it and I’m so happy I did. Thank you for making me feel good about it. On a side note, I remember playing a live gig with him and I was on a fretless 6 string bass, he leaned back in the middle of the song and said “your B strings a little flat”. I checked my tuner and was horrified that he was exactly right. for the remainder of the set I played as many open strings as possible. Haha.

My one take away from numerous college psych courses: "Catch a child doing something good and tell them about it."

And thanks for the reminder!

Last year, a few days before Thanksgiving, I went through my contacts and sent brief texts to about 30 people to express the gratitude I felt for their being in my life. Some I hadn’t communicated to in two or three years or more.
I’m going to go further with it this year.

well, I try to do this regularly and do find it's a satisfying activity I feel more connected to people and ......of course, you are to be complimented for continuing your work and always including me in your emails. I know this is kinda lame because I know you were not fishing for compliments......but you are a very cool guy, and you should know folks do appreciate your work

I'm sure I've said it before, but I'll make it permanent here: I appreciated you giving me a couple of your guitars. They still get used to this day. Oh, and the whole iTunes thing as well.

Hi Derek!
I love this one!! And that is so YOU with a kind heart that loves to help others ...!! Also feel the same way, not to hide love, let it out to be free and add to the good feelings in the world!! Even though it feels awkward sometimes, it just feels great to share how you really feel about someone, and let them know! It's honest and what you really feel inside anyways....I love it!!
Have a beautiful day Derek!
Rachel :-)

Hey Derek

I play music at a local private country club twice a month.
The receptionist I've known for 20 years, she is not a young lady
and we chatted for a moment and told her how great she is looking.
She stopped me and said something like...
"A woman still needs to hear that no matter what age we are"
I smiled and went to play my guitar..

Derek - I am so thankful you are in the world. tap tap tap. :)

I just had major neck surgery with the surgeon who also operated on my wife years ago. He just exudes competence and trustworthiness without a hint of arrogance. Sometime after checking on me, as he left my hospital room, I said: “Nice work.” The way his face shifted expressed how much those simple words meant to him.

Derek, thank you for all the things you offer. I am always hooked on all your insights… Heard your podcast w Tim Ferris today. I’m not tech savvy enough or don’t worry bout privacy enough to have my own server (yet), but I LOVED your passion for the topic and hope I will take you up on your advice one day.

Thanks for the reminder bout showing my appreciation… I love this idea and try to do it often. I struggle with doing it to people I know well (wife, kids, good friends I see every other week, coworkers….) and see all the time. I send a thank you to them once in a while but how much is too much that it gets diluted or it seems awkward???

Tushar

Great idea, many thanks Derek.

Well, this is my cue to finally tell you how much I appreciate all of your insights and thoughts and words of advice. You have influenced me and impacted me in more ways than I can list here. This is my opportunity to say thank you!

Such a nice habit Derek.

I do it at times, but love your framing to do it everyone you appreciate something.
I’ll add it to my arsenal!

Thank you Derek.

I appreciate you! Years ago, when I discovered your blog, not even knowing who you are, I was drawing inspiration from your posts for paying undivided attention to my youngest son, for creating momentum in “the second follower” concept and other personal wisdom lessons.

A friend of mine inspired me with what is surely a corollary: she asked the barista how their day was going on a way that the barista knew my friend really wanted to know.
Being nice is always a goodness.

As always, my compliment to you is I love your brain! It is beautiful.

I do exactly as your posts describe. It takes very little effort and makes both of us feel great!

You're gratitude this highest level I think I have ever seen. Have you watched the show Ted Lasso?

Thanks, Derek:

One can NEVER go wrong following this advice. And while I'm at it thanks for taking time out of your busy day to respond to me way back when I emailed you in the past.

I love getting your emails with thought provoking content - much appreciated mate!

Best wishes, David

simple and so true, such a great reminder. sheer class

Thank you Derek for all your inspiring books and blogs. And for CD baby back in the day. You are awesome!

Thanks for the tip Derek.
Will definitely try and follow by paying it forward.

It certainly is easier to do with current technology; getting out a paper and pen and envelope to send a letter 40 years ago was cumbersome, not to mention finding the right address to send it to, especially with celebrities. But decades ago, a friend and I started sending notes to businesses and people we really appreciated; every now and then we would send a politely worded criticism, as well. Feedback is crucial if anyone is going to measure their success honestly, and I think the recipient can tell when it's sincere. I recently sent a heartfelt thanks to an author who wrote of her struggle with her mother's Alzheimer's, and when she responded personally, it felt like a magical moment. We are all connected, and this is a beautiful way to encourage those connections. Thank you for this post!

Indeed. Thanks for reminding on this one.
And yes, thankyou so much for your concise and thought provoking posts. Really helps think more clearly.

Thanks Derek, the one good thing that came out of the pandemic for me was quietitude and the down time to contemplate and i was overwhelmed at the amount of gratitude I felt for all the people who have helped me along on this ride and i had somehow not gotten to thanking or appreciating them enough.i took that opportunity and thanked quite a lot of people and i feel so good that i could share my gratitude with them finally. Thanks again Derek keep these posts coming👍
Warm regards
Tuki

Great piece. Reminds me of AJ Jacobs THANKS A THOUSAND A GRATITUDE JOURNEY. Totally agree with you. What’s the trick to finding many of these writers, thinkers e-mail ?

100% Derek

I'm going to remind myself of this every day. It's a nice way to start out the day. Thanks for the email.

If it's work related, I also love telling people's bosses and cc'ing the person who I'm complimenting. People's bosses are less likely to hear when their employees are doing well than when they've messed up. It always delights everyone involved.

Great stuff, we all need to do more of this.

Thank you for always challenging my brain...

Derek, THANK YOU!

Thanks for writing this.

Derek,

Thanks for sharing so much over the years.
I work with volunteers, so the reminder to say "thanks" is most welcome.

Best!

lovely to know/hear this, derek. often when am helped thru any confusion/difficulty i may have in a store, coffee shop, medical premises or whatever/wherever, be it in person or phone, i return few days later with a small confection - cake, or tart for the person. surprise for them and delight for me. hope some of your readers will adopt your suggestion. be well. be peace.

Absolutely agree with you. Also don’t feel that you are not doing a good job complimenting others, practice makes perfect.

great thing actually!!

Thank you so much Derek for your insights and writing! You’ve introduced me to so many ideas to implement for the rest of my life.

Thanks Derek. I just finished listening to your podcast with Tim Ferriss. I am currently listening to it again which I don’t do often. I find your writing to be clear and thought provoking and love hearing you speak even a little more. Cheers.

My nudge came from Peter Clare, CEO of RELODE. A gentleman that is bent on not just doing good but being a better human. He is an example of one that deserves to fly as far as his wings will take him. I thank him for this nudge and opted to amplify his meteor with this digital post. To all ... chase greatness. #HUMANITY

Thanks for the reminder Derek :)

As usual succinct, with every word weighted and placed just so right. Thank you Derek, aka the philosopher king.

Derek,

First, let me say a huge thanks for all you do. You are in my top 3 of admired people. Am a 70 year old woman and that # blows me away since I don't feel any different than I did when I was 30. This is a practice I use but mostly in person. As a former flight attendant, I carry little wrapped treats and share with crews when I fly. That job has become more difficult than ever and I like to show my appreciation. When in the produce section of the grocery store, I comment on the beautiful displays, etc. In fact, everywhere I go, when I feel someone has a fun energy, I tell them. It seems that one focuses on increases so "the world is my oyster!" I may start doing more gratitude emails as a result of your post. Thanks again. You are a unique individual!

And now I have to tell you that I learned something useful from you today from your examples!

Derek,

Thank you for this article. Thanks to you I have discovered Sharon Kaye's book "Philosophy: a Complete Introduction."

Victoria
That's how I found her, too. My notes here: sive.rs/book/PhilosophyCI — Derek

this was really a nice feed for the day and actually even i feel that complimentiong someone makes the other persons day and also the day of the person who said that i think because of positive energy .

Hi Derek,

I AM A TRUMPET PLAYER WHO HAS CREATED TWO REMARKABLE cd's. You can view one of the live video tracks at: davenelsonjazz.com

I need to be introduced to the jazz world, especially in New York. Please view the video, make your suggestions and Please help me in any way you can!

Dave

oh, and btw , re kindness and thankfulness, so yesterday at Jason Isbell ,…made special point and going back to sound guys who as you know can be a very thankless job, and told them thank you, and how exceptional their work was in terms of “tuning to the room” and providing such a great mix

This is a great idea. I sometimes go through my contacts buried in my WhatsApp list and message somebody out of the blue to say hello and ask how they are.

I find that in the main people really appreciate that you are thinking of them, I sense in some instances it uplifts them, the fact that they are in your thoughts.

I hadn’t thought about saying how much I appreciate people, I like this idea, this list is endless for. I will mix this up with my WhatsApp messages.

I love, love, love this... a win win all around. My favorite hike is the Loop Trail at Catalina State Park here in Tucson. And one of the top, of many reasons, is they allow humans to bring their dogs. I'm always complimenting the dogs and their humans love it, but I love it most I think...
Just listened to your podcast with Tim Tim... that took quite a few walks and made them all more enjoyable. Look forward to further exploration.
Good enough...

many thanks, much gratitude

What a lovely thought. Sharing...

This work joyfully encourages my journey in serving others and seeking truth.

Most appreciated!

I totally agree, Derek. And I always do, when given the opportunity.

One of the most important emails that anyone can post! Thank you Derek. We must be brothers from another mothers. So powerfully true

Derek, I appreciate YOU for all your work and for your candid shares. Loved the interview with Tim Ferriss, just my kind of thing.

Great advice. Thanks for the example, and reminder.

Derek: I've sat on my ass for about 6 months now. I bought your 4 books. I read them slowly, a bit every day, and digested. Loved all 4 of them! And meant to tell you, but didn't until now.

Thank you so much. I really got a lot from each one.

Proof:

Every week for two years now I meet one of my Facebook "friends" for an hour or two (at my Chapel Of Sacred Sounds in Evanston IL) of one-on-one conversation, eye-contact, smiles, and hugs. No food, no phones, no distractions. (I got lonely during the pandemic, which inspired this idea.)

Getting To Know You (GTKY), I call it, and it's a healthy habit of mine: every Thursday, starting my 3rd year now. 104 people so far. Many were strangers, some acquaintances, some were friends. It's been (mostly) life-affirming.

POINT: I ordered multiple copies of your books so I could give the appropriate one to my GTKY conversation partner if I thought it'd connect. And I have. I've still got a few copies to give, and I've added another lot of give-away books to yours: Recovery Dharma (a Buddhist approach to addiction, which is not only a "how to lead a more wholesome life" book, but also a "why to lead a more wholesome life" book, much like your 4. It's also short, pithy, wise, inspiring. So now I have 5 titles to give.

btw: Today I ordered a set of your books to give to my friend Melissa who has been reading all 4 (borrowed from me) and LOVES them. She raves! But she won't buy them from you. That, frankly, annoys me. So I'll be giving her a set soon, which will make me feel better about supporting the author (you) whose works she admires.

Bottom line: Thank you, deeply, for your clarity, wisdom, generosity, and commitments. - Preston
:) — Derek

In spirit of the post -- I appreciate you on keeping/ bumping this on my radar (and ours collectively)! I try to do this, but prob could get into the practice of doing it more :)

Hi there Derek,

This is a great way of thinking. And on your side-note: “Only about half of them reply. But that’s OK, since I’m not doing it for the reply”.

Giving a compliment by email to me is better than in person because, in person, the one receiving the compliment is kind of “forced” to give a “thanks” as a reply. By email, since you don’t give the compliment to receive a reply, I think, gives the act of giving (the compliment) more value.

Great article. Thanks for sharing.
R.R.

Your writings always ground me and remind me that life is good and simple.

I have a big room to improve in appreciating people.

Thank you!

I only stumbled on your work when listening to a recent podcast you recorded with Mark Bouris.

Your messaging resonated and got me thinking about my own values and are they really mine or those I think are important because of others. It’s been an awakening of sorts.

And this article prompted me to let you know because I was thinking something nice about you (and I’ve also shared it on my work communication platform)

Here’s a table with 150 persuasive and emotion-evoking words

twitter.com/ecomchasedimond/status/1683926815512096772

101. LISA. (2023-09-19) #

Congratulations Derek!

I am proud to say that I have been giving out compliments since I was at least 12 years old to family members and friends. As I ventured out and experienced new things in life, I have always made it my business to brighten someone else’s day with a compliment of some sort. I always phrase it as the “southern hospitality” within me, although I was born in the south (NC) but primarily raised in the north (CT).

I wonder if people in entertainment or journalism or frequent bloggers forget what it's like to comment.

I compliment, by being gracious, any strangers who comment on my blog because, besides them showing initiative and effort, I think they are overcoming stage fright.

Gee aren't you a nice hooman.

It's been a while, I hope you are well.

DC

The psychological and emotional ripple effect this creates is so powerful.

You also never know how badly someone might need to hear that in that moment.

We need more of this in our world!

Passing through this blog and resonating with everything including this - I almost always speak up to people like this IRL but not as much online so should think to do that more.

I've been doing this lately, too — even with just random strangers on the street. It pays off in feeling better about myself. Bringing positivity into the world is never a bad thing.

Thankyou for your words of wisdom and simplicity. I meant the "simplicity" as a compliment!! I have been incorporating this into my life more lately with huge dividends. When someone in my life or is around me and a thought or feeling of gratitude hits me I immediately tell them, text or call them. I have sincerely checked in on my friends, family and acquaintances much more often and have been told how much it has been appreciated. I am aware people feel way more alone these days -even when they are around people. They don't feel connected and now i'm doing my part. Thanks for the reminder and all your work

Myron

nice this is also something i realized i don't do enough after reading robert cialdini's book on influence