Derek Sivers

How to like people


(part of the “do this” directives)

1. Assume it’s their last day.

Everyone talks about living like it’s your last day on earth.

Instead, to appreciate someone, live like it’s their last day on earth.

Treat them accordingly. Try to fulfill their dreams for the day.

Really listen to them. Learn from them.

2. Be who you’d be when alone.

You could live in a crowd, pleasing only others.

You could live in solitude, pleasing only yourself.

But ideally, when in a crowd, be the same person you’d be when alone.

3. Assume men and women are the same.

Men think women are so different from them.

Women think men are so different from them.

But the differences among men and differences among women are far greater than the differences between men and women.

So counteract your tendency to exaggerate the differences.

Assume men and women are the same.

4. Always make new friends.

As you grow and change, old friends and family will be unintentionally invested in maintaining you as you were before.

Let go of people that don’t welcome and encourage your change.

5. Avoid harming the relationship.

For long-term relationship success, it’s more effective than seeking the positive.

A friendship that may take years to develop can be ruined by a single action.

6. Act calm and kind.

Regardless of how you feel.

7. Don’t try to change them.

... unless they asked you to.

Don’t teach a lesson.

Stop trying to change people who don’t think they have a problem.

8. Find wisdom in your opponents.

Really engage those who think opposite of you.

You already know the ideas common on your own side.

9. Purge the vampires.

Get rid of people that drain you, that don’t make you feel good about yourself.

They make you hate all people.