Don’t be afraid to ask for favors
Have you ever asked for directions in a city? People get a little ego boost when they know the answer to something you’re asking. They’ll gladly show off their knowledge.
So don’t be afraid to ask for favors. People like doing favors!
When I lived in New York City, one bold musician I know called me and said, “I’m coming to New York in two months. Can you give me a list of all the important contacts you think I should meet?” I laughed because I admired his directness! Then I emailed him a list of twenty people he should call.
Sometimes you need to find something specific: a video director, a JavaScript programmer, a sitar player. Contact everyone you know and ask. Friends of friends will know how to get everything you want in life.
Some people have time on their hands and would rather help you do something interesting instead of watching TV. Need help doing promotion? Need help getting equipment to a show? Just ask them!
By making them feel important, connected, and needed, you’ll be doing them a favor, too.
I've been doing this more and more lately and it has made things go a lot more smoothly.
从一篇关于derek描述15年做一件事的文章过来的。
很佩服你的毅力，发觉你的博客有很高的可读性。
我也要做一件这样有意思的事情。
Sadly, this is great advice if you've sold a co like cdbaby.com and the masses are already predisposed to kissing your arse. Short of this, it doesnt work well. But beautifully written motivational post.
Actually I wrote this in 1998 from my experience as a musician, long before CD Baby took off. — Derek
This is good.
I think we usually assume selfishly that by making favors to others we make them feel very thankful towards us and remember us rest of their lives. But maybe this is not completely true. By asking favors from others actually makes them feel much more connected to us.
When other people make favors to us, they have to invest their own time and energy into us (investment bias). By helping us they have to believe in us. And while doing a favor, they have to think about us. So maybe that’s why they get more connected to us.
And that’s why we remember much longer those people we have helped, than those who have helped us. Like parents, their own kids are much more important than their parents.
It was quite a culture shock for me, when I moved back to America after quite a few years in Spain (not to mention those being my formative years), and see how much people dislike asking for favors here... almost as if their honor was being hurt by asking for something they needed.
In time, and especially in my time in California, I became the same way. For at least a while.
It is taking me to go back to my mediterranean roots to now that it is perfectly 'kay to ask for help. That people know that everybody needs help at times and, most importantly, that there are people out there (lots, really!) that cannot wait to help if asked.
Thanks for this article, Derek. It brought back a little bit of me to the forefront.
Hello Derek and everyone,
I write today to help encourage others:
When I support and do favours for my disabled clients I sometimes say or imply that it helps my heart and my self esteem to help them. I do this because I think it adds meaning to their lives.
A sad alternative for them and me would be to feel like a billiard ball unconnected to others. Unemployed people can feel such a disconnect, and it ain't pretty.
You wrote this back in 1998, eh? (comment # 3)
Me too! I mean, I've got stuff on my blog site written before the actual date of publication.
The metaphor: No artist paints just one picture, or plays just one tune. If I hear a good song, or read a good essay, then there is a body of work behind that piece, maybe a body unseen.
The moral: Let's be patient with our work, knowing it all counts.
And of course, let's be patient with each other's efforts.