Persistence is polite
As teenagers, we learned the hard way that if you contact someone and they don’t reply, they’re just not into you. If you keep trying, you must be a total loser.
But in the business world, it’s the opposite. If you don’t keep trying, you’re a loser!
If someone doesn’t get back to you, it probably wasn’t intentional. Everyone is busy, and their situation has nothing to do with you.
Imagine two different scenarios:
- Someone doesn’t reply, so you get upset and decide they’re evil and clearly meant to insult you. You resent them for life, and speak poorly of them forever.
- Someone doesn’t reply, so you assume they must be swamped in work. You wait a week, and contact them again. If still no reply, you feel sympathy that they must be really overwhelmed. You wait a week, and try again. If still no reply, you try to reach them a different way.
Now, which one was rude, and which one was polite?
wow, I needed to read that one today. I notice that when I follow those rules I usually do get what I want. Its great to hear it from someone else though that they actually appreciate my persistence and now I have concrete reasons to keep at it! :)
i need tyo put my songs out in the world
I recently applied this advice to a musician I was trying to get a hold of to work with. It seemed like he was ignoring me and I was getting ready to give up. But I finally, got a hold of him, he apologized and now I have a good friend/connection.
Honestly, reading this inspired me to keep trying.
Yes, you gotta persist - I find emailing works to get in the door but then it's often nice to switch to the phone to really connect as people.
Great read
They are both rude. The correct unspoken social norm is t exchange meme currency of cute animals
One is narrow minded, and rooted in fear. The other is gracious. Love your writing, Derek can't wait to read the new works.
Attitude is everything. 1#- there is no need to get upset and full of hate towards others. This will do no good for anyone.2#- perseverance is great but not at the expense of irrigation. You got to know when to fold, know when to hold em...
SO true! Thanks for the reminder to keep trying! I once heard of a producer who wouldn't respond till an artist had tried MANY times to reach her! Ot was then she knew they were serious!! You rock Derek
Dear Derek
As always, You gave us great insights. Thanks for reminding this rule. However I think that the Polite Persistance is the Holy Grail in the business. There are many people today who just don't respect savoir-vivre and think that Your time belongs to them whenever they decided to contact with You.
There is a fine line between being persistent and being an annoying beggar. It is hard to know where that line is. And that goes with something called pride. Not the kind of chest thumping, screaming pride -I am proud to be American, or Dutch (what are you proud of dope? You were just born there by accident.) I am talking about modest human pride - that you are not going to suck up to somebody.
It is embedded into my subconscience I assume for I tend to learn something from everything, regardless being an odd occasion or fortunate one in fact from the odd or not so inviting ones the little things I´ve learned were fundamental. Yet, sometimes just a remind of what I already know sounds like re-learn. Here is the case: I was just trying to contact a person for a business proposal and you gave me a glimpse of a way to go.
To help increase my Phd study well.
as a blanket tool this is amazing... but relationships are specific - it’s complicated. some people don’t like having you tap them on the shoulder repeatedly. their personal style is “if i liked your offer i would have jumped at it”. but most people consider stuff before jumping and as they do so get distracted, so at least one or two follow ups are essential ... 5 or 6 follow ups without any interest is a sunken cost. it’s an art, though, not a science. we’re all weird.
It partly depends on whether there is a writer-to-reader invisible contract to respond. I assume a "contract" if I am writing to a fellow in charge of customer relations, marketing or something where I can partly help them, besides them helping me.
And of course I have to first think and know what I am offering them, even if I don' t say so out loud.
in the past I have planned in advance the frequency of my calling or writing to someone, and then stubbornly stuck to my plan, rather than procrastinate from fear or vulnerability.
I relate to Dean and Mary, at #'s 8 and 9. I believe more and more that for all my interactions I am either nurturing or abusive. (toxic) I don't think there is a neural middle ground, not for we frail mortals. This is a more practical lifestyle than always trying, with varying degrees for various people, to be "careful to know my own strength."
The first one. It lacks patience
It seems that I am still suitable for the business world. I used to be very good at finding others, but gradually I became less good at it.