Travelling just for the people

Speaking of people, today I was at Trafalgar Square. I told a couple of strangers, "Want to know a fact? See those (famous) lion statues? The artist didn't have any lions to observe, so for his model he used dogs."

Recently I have wondered about myself, because I read that people from (I forget) think that Americans are false when they are so friendly. Not me. I go to parties in a friendly meet-ladies mood, and I travel in a friendly meet people-mood. Even at airports. In fact, my latest blog post is about conversing with a singer-songwriter, sans guitar, I met waiting for a plane.

Derek, as best I recall, when we met I didn't try to "pick your brain," I tried to have "a conversation" while contributing whatever facts about life and me that I could.

My policy for people, including strangers, is to have them leave me feeling better, never worse. It's like a manager setting broad goals, and it's like zen: When I set "better" as my intention, somehow wonderful things happen. (Say, I got bumped to a jet's first class once, from being nice to two ticket sellers)

Derek, I think you enjoy conversation more than most, conversation that piles things up to get somewhere. (Or circles back) So does my airport acquaintance. But most people, I have noticed, if the conversation is interrupted, don't know where they left off AND don't care. I suspect they were only talking to "hang out," to "pass the time," without any goals.

Ever since I gained the ability to travel, my only reason to visit particular destinations has been to see people. I've never needed or wanted to travel to see a natural or artificial site for the sake of doing so. I've happened upon some interesting sites, but that has either been a consequence of that journey or something the visited person or persons suggested as an activity.

Hopefully one day you'll come to Bali then :)

I've been super curious about different travel styles and this is a great insight into one of them. Thanks Derek!
I'll be going on my first big trip (Europe) in a couple of months and would love more specifics on how you meet people while traveling. I'm from a generation and disposition where it seems like approaching people, even at bars or cafes, is not the norm. Would you be willing to share some more stories of how you met people and what happened?

So funny because I just told someone why I was still very happy despite a minor injury from yesterday's ski trip - "spent time with some good friends, who are making New York more like home to me".

Safe travels & enjoy India, Derek!

This is a beautiful post, wow! I learned it the hard way too.
I exclusively view travelling from the perspective of meeting people now.

I'm surprised you were so cautious as I assumed 'travelling for the people' was always your style—glad to hear you had a good experience when trying it for the first time.

As someone who has always travelled on a lower budget, it's often the only option for me but I'm happier for it. I went to Egypt and didn't see the pyramids (although I could have, and should some day), but made lots of friends who I'm still in touch with today. Now I mostly travel to meet people and learn languages. Lots of richness in cultural exchange that can't be bought.

For #4 Enzo I won't give you any specific instructive examples, but I will pass on some theory from my blog essay,
QUOTE
I am acquainted with a home-grown dark haired girl. She is pretty, attractive, the kind you’d like to meet—but she can walk the whole length of main street and not one person, male of female, will speak to, or be spoken to, by her. A mutual friend told me why: The poor girl walks along with a closed body, stiff eyes, in her own closeted world. In contrast, my friend walks along with scanners scanning, sensors sensing, and a bright eyed look at world: How could anyone not talk to her? She says she got that trick of being approachable off of me.
UNQUOTE

I suppose role modelling off a friend is the best way to learn, but the next best might be modelling off strangers who speak with you. When you get home ask 'what did they do? How did it work'

I think you will find that they did not "force it" but rather they "set an intention" of brightening people's day, within a bright friendly world.

I think I say the first words to a stranger when I am being helpful. Furthermore, I think a "help mindset" is easy to acquire, however hard that might seem at first. It's like how, with help, one swiftly learns to be creative or do theatre improv, or get fit in a surprisingly fast time.

Although I have an introvert nerd background, today I "wouldn't even dream" of going around with hard eyes in a hard bubble.

Oh, here's an example: Today I helped keep a six year old in a lineup (queue) entertained (he had a Japanese rugby shirt) by reaching into my bag and pulling out my Japanese Totoro hat. (Turns out the family had gotten half way through the Totoro movie before bed time) In return, I learned from the Mum about a nice river boat that costs only a bus fare. And we shared about our lives during the next exhibit line up. (Kusama's mirror rooms)

This evening, at a North Sea Fish restaurant, I forget how I initially helped a married couple at the next table. They didn't mind a little talking (waiters can always tell who is married by how much they talk) and we helped by exchanging information on tourist places. And talked of our lives.

So yes. Get your mind off yourself and on to others. Talk too little rather than too much. As Derek would say in a music business post, it is considerate to be helpful, entertaining and conversational. In London, as in life, that's what we all want.

And hey, don't forget: as a tourist you have permission!

Exactly. I remember little of trips to sightsee in Europe and Asia but recall so much when I've gone places to present at conferences or meet folks to interview.

Omg Derek, this was the exact reason Yin & I went to Oxford. It was just to see you!

Of course it was really nice to see the bookstore you showed & the sights around the city - that was fun to hang with you.

I can relate to this so much. I travelled to Shanghai to study with guitarist Wayne Krantz, went to Thailand just to meet up with Julian Lage... saved up to go to Singapore to attend a guitar camp with Mateus Asato... literally travel to meet people.

Thanks for writing this!
Awww.... thanks Az! And that was a super-memorable little lunch at the ancient pub, wasn't it? Thanks for the memories. — Derek

Yes! It is like that. Great thoughts. The mystery of meeting other people. the mystery of getting to know others, sharing ideas, talking, being with them... the essence of life.. / ...of course, when we connect profiles on fb with randomly met people, it turns out how much we have in common, maybe even common friends :-)

This touched me. I love to travel and spent November & January in Aisa. The people I talked with were truly the best part of the journey, but I have never seen it put so well as in your writing.

Hello #4 Enzo (and others) I am still thinking about you.

I won't write about cafes and bars, but today I spoke to three ladies outside (famous store) Harrods. They were photographing Katsuma polka dots. I said, "Did you know that there is a giant statue of her painting dots onto the outside of Harrods?"

Very energized they said, "We know!" and told me of something to see further down the block. So, we warmly helped each other.

Inside Harrods, Louis Vuitton had a collaboration with Katsuma. You could line up for a dot photograph room, and for entering an infinity room, and with hardly any line up use a (county fair) grapple machine to collect a ball with dot stickers suitable for, say, a lap top. A shop girl with a dotted top was going down the hall towards the collaboration when I followed, and made a tired guard smile by saying, "I'm following those dots!"

Knowing that shop girls (clerks) can be tired, I helped with cheer by relating to her what I said to the guard.

The young woman thanked my for asking before I took her picture (full length, to get her shoes) and she ended up using a good line for a conversation by asking, "Who is your favourite author?" When I replied, she said, "My mother likes him!" Our little conversation took place around her work of lining people up, which means she wasn't too busy to have her day brightened up.

In my life, a line that wouldn't work for you, because I am a rehabilitation worker, is to say, "I need to practise my social skills" as a preamble and then repeat a question that I had been asked—as a former nerd I can still freeze up and answer a question literally and forget to counter question. So, sans preamble, I later asked for her favourite author.

I took in the matinee of Hamilton.
A couple made me stand up to get past me, then went along the row behind me, and ended up sitting right behind me. I could tell they might feel awkward at getting me to stand "for nothing" (actually it made sense) so I helped by saying, "We meet again!" Chuckles. We ended up talking a bit. The man worked near the Bank of England but had never been to the bank museum, which was where I had learned that far more of the slave trade went to the islands than to the US.

Next to me was a young Japanese lady with her non-flash camera, for AFTER the show. Wearing a white jacket. I knew she would be too shy to wiggle to take it off during a performance so I said, "Hello. I see that most people have taken their coats off." (And draped them on their chairs) She was fine. Turned out this was her seventh performance. We talked. She was of the young age when people will talk while being shy-scared as they talk, so I didn't include her in the conversation with the others. But I think she enjoyed being able to share her love of the show.

Enzo, if I comment at length it's because guys like me need lots of repetition to try out a new behaviour (Being helpful to talk to strangers) pattern. Besides, as a former nerd, (suppressed, repressed and depressed) it does me good to write as though I have learned something down the years.

My mantra, years ago, was, "Because I am afraid to love, you are alone."

The people make the place. And shape the experience of the place. I did some study of workplace satisfaction, morale, company culture, and productivity in grad school and of course so much of it boiled down to the people that work there and how they relate or dont relate to one another. Thanks again for the posts and sharing, Derek. And happy travels!

I love this. I wish I had more people.

Update: The artist's name is Yayoi Kusama. Children call her the polka dot lady. I now have her autobiography and a graphic novel about her life, but of course no time yet, as as tourist, to read. The last (and only) time she collaborated with Louis Vuitton was back in 2012. The staff are so excited to have her back.

This is a big chunk of my personal travel (pre-pandemic) and the visits friends have made. Seeing "the sites" is largely a waste of time once you've been travelling for a while. And most tourist hotspots are largely meaningless bragging rights for people back home. The human connection, the way a place looks to someone who lives there, and of course friendship - that's what matters.

It's crazy how sometimes you can talk with total strangers like you've known them for years. What a better world it would be if we all treated one another like friends.

I LOVED THIS!
Thnx!

I don't travel much, I'm a home type person, live and let live.

Traveling is an incredibly enriching experience that allows individuals to broaden their horizons, expand their knowledge and develop a better understanding of the world. One of the most valuable aspects of traveling is the opportunity to meet new people and connect with different cultures. Whether it be through local interactions, chance encounters, or planned activities, meeting new people is what makes travel truly unforgettable.

For starters, traveling provides the perfect opportunity to step outside one's comfort zone and engage with new and different cultures. Whether it be through trying new foods, participating in unique customs, or simply striking up a conversation with someone, travel allows individuals to gain a deeper appreciation and understanding of the world. These experiences help to break down cultural barriers and foster cross-cultural understanding. This, in turn, leads to a more tolerant, empathetic and connected global community.

Meeting people from different backgrounds can also help to expand our worldview and challenge our preconceived notions. In many cases, it is easy to get caught up in our own cultural and ideological bubbles, which can lead to a limited understanding of the world. However, by engaging with people from different cultures, travelers can gain a more nuanced perspective on the world and develop a more informed understanding of global issues.

In addition to cultural exchange, meeting new people is also a great way to make new friends and build lasting relationships. Travelers often find that they form strong bonds with the people they meet while on the road. This is because travel brings people together in a unique and meaningful way. Whether it be through shared experiences, common interests, or a shared appreciation for different cultures, travelers often find that they connect with others on a deeper level than they would in their day-to-day lives.

Meeting people while traveling can also be a great way to gain insider knowledge about the local area. Local residents often have an in-depth understanding of their city or region and can provide travelers with valuable tips and recommendations. For example, they may be able to recommend hidden gems or off-the-beaten-path experiences that are not typically found in travel guides. This not only enhances the traveler's experience but also allows them to gain a more authentic understanding of the place they are visiting.

Travel is about much more than just visiting new places and ticking sights off a list. It is about connecting with people from different cultures, expanding one's understanding of the world, and building meaningful relationships. Whether it be through chance encounters, local interactions, or planned activities, the people we meet while traveling are what truly make our experiences unforgettable.

People are what it’s all about. Sifting the grain from the chaff. Finding an interesting good hearted person is like finding a needle in a haystack but much more rewarding. Being around the right people (for you) can transform your life.

This writing was so thought provoking. I have often felt that people visited me just to see our city and it’s surroundings. Your friend that just wanted to be with you was such a gift. I’ve felt that way about being with people but this was a good reminder to make it a priority. When we were in New Zealand recently, the best part of the trip for me was meeting the people. Complete strangers made us feel so welcome, as did you when I sent you an email during our trip and you replied! What a gift that was. You make the world a better place. I love what you’re doing. I can’t wait to read about your India travels.

It true. I met lots of people online all over the world in 2020, 2021, 2022. Now they make me want to travel solely for the purpose of meeting and hugging them.

Reaching out beyond the screen.

What a wonderful attitude / sentiment! I have traveled a lot. Reading this makes me realize that most of the stories I tell about my travels revolve around the people I met. I hadn't realized that until now. Thank you.

I suppose the material physical world can only satisfy a specific need.

That was really precious. A very good friend indeed. Most people come to visit and want to go over the entire City.

A lot of people want to talk to a lot of people, in my experience.

Interesting outlook on life. We are social creatures.

Totally get this. Visited Greece three times before I finally made time to explore a museum or the Parthenon. The people, small towns, kafenios, the music and dance and oh that sea were what drew me. Still do.

I love this. Thank you for writing it and posting it.

NOW you nailed it. Completely in agreement with each syllable of this. A'place' is just a place; it's the people who make the place a destination.
Well done!

I love this. When I was 20, I spent a month backpacking through Europe. We saw 26 cities in about 30 days and I remember almost none of the sightseeing. What stands out to me is when me and my friend were in Munich and found ourselves walking beside a group of outgoing 10-11yo boys who were full of life and so fun to talk to.

I love both, seeing new places and meeting the people there and learning about their local lives :)
It brings such a huge insight !

I love reading this post. Rings true. When I travel, I rarely find myself in a museum or staring up at a famous landmark. I like to walk. To look. To see and smell and taste along the way. To understand the connective tissue between places and neighborhoods. I’ve always done this without thinking much about it. Whether I was 18 or 53. Often this way, at 18, I’d meet people who were also walking or looking or simply in my path. Then I met someone who had the same habits, we got married, and now we just walk wherever we travel. And we travel a lot. We walk together, seeing, tasting, engaging with each other or with some thing or some one in our path. And when we had kids, we’d walk with them - everywhere we traveled, rarely doing those things that make a place “known.” But we all can think of those places and know we “know” them beautifully. In our bones and eyes; the rhythm of memories in tandem with the gait of our legs as we explored. And now that our kids are on their own, when we are together somewhere we find ourselves doing the same. Our time together is punctuated with good meals and conversation, but most of the time it’s those connective moments between that I remember most.

Beautiful, Derek. I've never met anyone who didn't say people are the best part of travel. I would continue the line of thinking and say people are the best (and worst) part of all of life.

Our brains tend to make relationships the most meaningful things in our lives. If travel is all about seeing a new place, we miss a huge opportunity to make the experience more meaningful through relationships. A wonderful reminder!

So True. It's all about the people - the people we travel with, the people we travel to visit, the new people we meet while traveling. I am in the process of digitizing three decades of old photos, most from my travels. The ones without a face end in the recycle bin real fast.

Yes!!! It's people that create meaning!!!

Exactly ! I love this. I remember years ago when you left on a journey and you invited me to stay in your now vacant apartment in New York and I couldn't go because of work. but it was also because you wouldn't be there and it would have been a solitary experience.

I too have begun to see the importance of people. As a self imposed lone wolf (reasons yet tbd) I too now value a bond. Personal process unfolds & evolves…

Yes, traveling for people. But also: for a change of scenery, and the way this can lead to expansive thinking (for this, even visiting a new place not far from home can suffice), to experience the overall feeling of a new place as opposed to any particular sites, to see how things and people and cultures are different from home, to wander and explore and get lost simply for the experience of it, and last but not least, because there's something special about the rhythm of walking itself and how the body and brain respond to that, while simultaneously being exposed to novel sensory stimuli.

Moved to Salt Lake City a couple years ago, not just to prove to myself that I could live all on my own in a completely new city, in a new landscape [I am from the East Coast], but to also experience the different people here [mostly from the surrounding Western states] . I have had so many interesting conversations and get-togethers that really makes me feel like I belong. So I wholeheartedly agree that traveling [and also moving!] can be for the people.

We all know that going to a special place is not as exciting when yiur by yourself. When you have someone you can relate and relax with the trip is even more enjoyable. Four eyes are better than two and that’s how you get to see all the details and explore all the sites. I do not like going anywhere alone. I alway invite a friend.. “ To see it alone, is to question did you see it!

Fantastic story and so true! I lived in China 18 years but the people and their stories is what I remember more than the places! Food was memorable though.

We got a guest cottage here on the island of Maui when you wanna come visit brother.

Come visit and hear some stories of Hawai'i! Not so cold and NZ bro!

Aloha!

Stolen for life ❤

Did 21 years old you realise it was the most touching moment of your life, or does today you realise that?
both — Derek

Understanding that Amit Chaudhuri has done some amazing work in literary activism, have you read any of his works? On a separate note, what do you think about meeting people through serendipity and random strangers at a place whom you strike up a conversation with?

This resonates with me. I find that meeting people is more fulfilling than going to famous landmarks. People in a different culture can challenge your assumptions about life. I love people.

That's a lovely story! I see a curl of hurt transforming into an opening of warmth and connection. Your story is familiar to many and certainly to me. The connections we have make life rich, expansive, and beautiful. What else really touches the heart - but "I came here just to see you." Thanks for sharing, Derek.

Beautiful story Derek...! Sadly most humans are driven by greed and profit...sigh...

Totally agree with it. Wish someday you would visit Seoul.

I love this!

This is why I loved my trip to the middle east so much. People thought it was a weird destination for vacation and I truly didn't know what to expect. So once we were there, talking and connecting with people created another level of experience that I will never forget. I now love the middle east soo much because of my conversations and connections with the people.

I oftentimes feel the same way. I travel to see the people I care about and don't really care what we do.

Enjoy your time in India :)

What a lovely reminder of priorities – thanks Derek.

We are just about to begin worldschooling. Our daughter is nearly 8 and we left the UK nearly 18months ago and have lived in Montenegro all that time. I want to take photo-portraits of the kind and interesting people I have met, and will meet, and ask them the same 5 questions- writing a piece about them and sharing it. I didn't used to like people, now they are the main reason I want to travel- to understand them and find how we join together, even with our different cultures.

Yep

My family and I have learned a similar lesson. Travels today are not so much to see sights to check off the list. Instead, we are fans of slow travel - the kind that forces you to integrate into a culture and meet people. It's the best way to go!

Dear Derek, I am from Kolkata and Amit Chaudhuri is one of my favorite authors.

I feel so good that you visited Kolkata ( it's little surprising... who visits Kolkata!! ).

Reading this... I also feel that this is one of the most touching moments in my life.

Have a nice day.

great posts Derek. thanks.
"Sometimes we connect with a place, but usually we connect with people. Yet people connect us to a place. "
What makes the connection with a place easier is sweat. Physical struggle. So i walk, run, swim, bike or ski the places I want truly experience and remember.

Thank you, Derek, for sharing your insights! That is very touching to hear how someone loves you so much. Damnit, now you made me cry! :)

“The unselfish effort to bring cheer to others will be the beginning of a happier life for ourselves."

Helen Keller

Very large part of our lives is about seeing the world through someone else’s eyes. I lived in Beijing for half a year and didn’t even visit the forbidden city and most if not all landmarks. Mother literally asked me if there is anybody else that crazy, anyway seeing through the eyes of other people, precious, also the new culture, feeling and being illiterate for the first time increased all the other senses. The whole concept of art is largely based on this. Are we capable to see the world through someone else’s perspective. Always a breath of fresh air, reading your posts, thank you

Hei, that's my principle too. Happy to hear someone with the same thought!

This makes a lot of sense. Now we travel for just taking photos to share and forget to enjoy the moments and interacting with the locals. I read some rule somewhere that when you get to "travel to a new place, drink with the locals." I think that is how you enjoy the travel.

When I moved abroad, I quickly got started making an event space that felt like home for musicians, who toured as much as I had been touring. I took all of my experiences, good and bad, and designed a place to inspire meaningful connections between people despite the fleeting tour schedule. I worked on everything between how we welcome them, what the space looks, and feels like, and how we’ve brought the community in to the space. This has helped make each event, meaningful and memorable in the way you describe your last day in India - often the most restorative tour stop for artists. It’s important that we keep listening in and out. I continually revive my curiosity and listen for the conversations that direct me and my partner toward the next steps. Our programming shifts with the tide, as we respond to what traveling and local people are saying they need and want. It’s almost always aligned with what I’m feeling, because we are all connected. Our venue started as a place that I needed, and has become a place at so many need in a country with a mysteriously high suicide and depression rate, especially as our beautiful Switzerland seems to have it all. People connecting feels like home, anywhere.

When we travel, we see eye-catching works. Some of the works have been destroyed. Then we will understand that the important thing is not to build a structure, but to raise quality people.

Hello Derek. Your article is very nice to read because I have this kind of friends too. Since I moved into the big city, it's kind of difficult to make friends, so I keep inviting my old friends to my house. Next week, one teenage-era friend will visit me. She doesn't want to do anything, just to see me, so I feel very grateful for her friendship. I keep going back to my city just to see her and talk for hours. These friends are precious. You should consider making more profound friends like these. They are the true gems of our lives.
PS: Your small book about entrepreneurship helped me gain some resilience and motivation to NOT give up on my small business, my writing dream. Thank you!
Sorry for the long message.

Powerful, beautiful, skillfully written. Thank you, Derek.

Someone said that the older we are, the less we see.

So it seems that the older we are, the less we are alive.

Well, not when we travel to new places and not when we are open to connect with strangers, either when traveling or wherever we are. We switch back to a discovery mode, a child-like mind, when everything is new and fresh again. We become more alive again.

This reminds me of Alain de Botton's book 'The Art of Travel.' He wrote about being depressed because of the gloomy picture of the UK that he saw daily. One day, he sees an ad for the Bahamas (sunshine, palm trees, etc.), and he thinks, "I am going there." So, he books a flight, lands, slips into his budgie smugglers and heads to the beach. While looking at the sun and listening to the waves lapping on the shore, he realises that he's still depressed because he brought his brain with him.

I had the same realization last year, Derek. I even called this type of traveling "friendstay", in my blog post - youngadult.substack.com/p/friendstay. Great article!

Love this!

This is such an important thing to realize in life.
We rarely remember places, but remember how we felt.

And people we hang out with, our state of mind at the time… means so much.

That's what true friends do Derek. They ask for nothing simply having a void in their lives will make time for you.You haven't realised yet but your friend and this author Amit Chaudhuri feels you probably have given them a lot already in the way of friendship and your acts of generosity. They're simply giving back.

I expressly travel to spend time with people. Meet them, talk to them. As a natural introvert this is not easy but it is always leaves me with a warm feeling in my chest. A sense of connection.

W.o.n.d.e.r.f.u.l!

“My home is not a place, it is people.”
― Lois McMaster Bujold, Barrayar

I was just home in Australia for the first time in 3 years (thanks Covid!) and went to see as many friends as possible. One I hadn't seen in more than 10 years and we ended up drenching sheep together (it had to be done).

He was super apologetic, but I kept reassuring him that I didn't care what we did - I came to just be with him. That was the most important thing.

How do you do it Mr. Sivers? You write like the wind. Perfectly joining words to form lasting stories.

Thanks for this.

On my way to Buenos Aires for a month. First time -

I don't speak Spanish. I don't eat meat.

I do enjoy coffee and ice cream.

I trust that it will all work out just fine - It has up to now...

Derek,
One day when you were running your distribution company (wasn't it CD Baby?) something prompted me to email you some thoughts I had that I thought were hilarious in the moment. Something about Celtic music, and sticking a tin whistle up Michael Flatley's arse to see how he would Riverdance then. Anyway, I was astounded that you responded and we exchanged a few funny emails. Then there was something you told me about buying pizza's for your staff or bands who visited or something. But, to prove your point, I remember that, all these years later. I own a small recruiting company and I must talk with 10 people a day. That's about 2,500 people in my average work year. Multiply that by 25 years, and that's 62,500 people I have spoken with. About 99% of them talk AT me and I remember none of it. But I do remember that the busy owner of the company, you, had time to talk with this Mucksavage in Dublin. That's why always read what you write and follow you still.

Do good work

Colm Allen

Bye the way, your brevity is your brilliance. Keep them short and succinct, just like you already do. Most other bloggers are so verbose, one cannot get to the end of their rants.

Love this Derek. So so true. Love the next to last paragraph. Goes right along with a blog I am doing and I will honor your quote in it.

Thank you for posting this insightful observation.

I love traveling, especially road trips, and I am always delighted to see a particularly beautiful landscape or a piece of art I've previously seen in books or pictures, like when I finally saw the David in the Ufizzi (I burst into tears, filled with emotions of the small child who had seen only photos of it/him in my mother's book of great art). But I also treasure every interesting conversation, and I've had many along the way. This is not a case of having to choose, is it? Indeed, the only choice here, IMHO, is to choose to be open - open eyes, open ears, open hands, open hearts - to whatever and whoever comes your way, with a healthy expectation of good or even great possibilities. Safe and joyful and blessed travels...

This is why I do so many weekly zooms with friends I haven’t talked to in a long time. Nice post Derek.

Now this article I love! Great writing, great insight. You have some pretty great friends!

Great story, Derek. Have a safe and awesome trip to India.

Your friend was literally me, just this past November. I went to visit a high school friend in NYC, seeing the city for the first time at 35. I did want to see the city and do things, but with him and whatever he suggested.

That is often the reason we travel to visit people. I’m not in the position you are, so I can’t relate exactly. I like doing both though seeing and being with people, and seeing somewhere new and having my own agenda.

Derek, thanks for this. Something that I feel I have known, but haven't been able to succinctly articulate before. Appreciate it!

Also, I love the subsequent comments - what a tribe you have! Thanks for creating a space.

Come see me Derek. I'm in Lagos Nigeria

A very moving essay. Thank you.

Always about the people, in every place, every time; illusion of separation.

That has generally always been my flow. Sometimes I would travel to a place for a specific teacher, or interest, like when I went to India for a particular spiritual community, or when I went to Europe, to follow some guru, or when I went to Perú to explore Ayahuasca shamanism. But I never cared too much about the landmarks. I’ve been to the Andes of Peru five times , and have never been to Machu Picchu(even though all 5 times I was in relative close proximity.

I've traveled all over the world and you're totally right that it's the people you meet and the friends you make that you remember more than any landmark. I'm here on your blog for your thoughts Derek. I don't need to see any fancy videos or pictures. Funny that you generally don't have any of those on your blog posts!

Same! I travel for the spices of people. For the customs and way of doing things. We are all human and share that "brother/sisterhood," yet can see new things about our spirit and nature through these other people.

This post comes at a curious moment. In just two weeks, my wife and I head to New York for our 10th wedding anniversary "dream" holiday. I feel a little sad as we have a long list of things to see but no 'people' experiences on the list. What advice would you or your readers have to break out of tourist mode and connect to the people there? Grateful in advance.

“ Sometimes we connect with a place, but usually we connect with people.”

Also, people make places. The culture, food, colors and most importantly conversations. The Eiffel Tower is magnificent, but what is more memorable for me is the keychain sellers who said, ‘take this one extra already , because you are from India and I know you will bargain ‘ …and we both started laughing.

I came to this realization as well after traveling through Asia for the past several months. Many places that didn’t register on in my circle’s radar ended up being the most memorable places for me because of the people I met there.

It's the people, not the place, that will likely pull me back to revisit in the future.

A powerful insight. Its the local people who know where the great places are and the significance of them , the local stories about them. Its certain people who educate themselves about important things that become a walking treasure because they can help others with their knowledge. People with that agape love that are a gift from God. Every person needs to wake up to the fact that they are each a small piece of God. An eternal spirit being having another lifetime in the physical to learn and grow the spirit that never dies . We are the treasure to come and see. It will be certain people you will love most in life ,then you can see the places together when in the mood to. Sometimes people just need your advice or insight . We all share this ocean of consciousness that is of the eternal creator. Consciousness is not from this physical universe, it is a spark or piece of God from the spiritual universe which dwarfs this physical universe as shown in the vedic map of universe in the Srimad Bhagavatam . We are the treasure and this beautiful earth is our playground to make love and paradise out of the energies and elements by free choice. .Lets choose to make paradise for the true God of love who wants it for us . Thanks Derek for exploring the eternal mind scape of consciousness .Peace to you and everyone

Conversations like that don't always require travel. I was at our local Lowe's (home improvement) store last night and ended up talking with an employee for a half hour or so. We're both retired (though he's still working at Lowe's), and from very different backgrounds growing up. But at this stage of our lives, we have much in common, mostly around family. I've been thinking about that conversation ever since and I suspect I will for a long time. Just a chance encounter.

I went to Kazakhstan on a business trip, to teach a course. One of the students was very, very timid. She wore a hijab and I thought perhaps she was timid because she was perhaps conservative/religious. She opened up on the 3rd day and took us to the local market where she helped us buy fermented camel milk, hard horse cheese, and cookies made from a local grain. She drove us there in her white Toyota and we jammed out to The Red Hot Chili Peppers and Linkin Park while dodging potholes big enough to be filled by a 6' man. A lady from Tatarstan let us sample 12 different types of honey, I bought as much as I could bring back with me.

I don't get to travel for business much these days but I am so grateful for all the trips I got to take in the past. I do remember the landmarks, though. And the smells. Rome smells better than any other city on earth and I'll fight you about it.

Travel is just the best, and the people you meet traveling are the best of the best.

I wrestle with this daily, but we seem to need people on many levels for fulfillment. It's frustrating because most of us are fairly complex. Socializing, albeit exiting at times, takes a fair amount of energy. It can wear you down, but we seem to need it. Running away to be alone in nature, to hike and fish as often as possible, is always rewarding and relaxing, but it doesn't seem to provide the same connection we receive through other human beings. I don't like it. Regardless, it seems to be fact.

There is a magic about India and its people that is hard to put in words.

What a wonderful reason to travel: “I don’t care what we do. I just came to see you!”

Note-to-self: Visit Jim for a week. Bonus, you can also take a ride to Mount Evans with him, if he’s so inclined, but go, hang out with him.

I’ve always felt this way. I travel for the people. Good people and good food makes any place great.

When I travel these days, I will often look around where I have come to, but then find someone to talk to. It is hard to describe, but going somewhere that no one knows me and getting to know someone there is the best vacation that I know of. Those conversations paint a picture of what it is like to live there and what people believe. I learn so much and always enjoy the experience.

It is true that there are always people who will try to scam you in some way, but I've found that they are pretty much the same anywhere. The risk is worth the rewards.

Brilliant little tale.
And what struck me about it, too, was that
when you finally did choose to talk to someone,
it was a "famous" someone who people did want
things from, but he didn't resist it and
gave them their desired autographs.
Thanks for this.
All the things I've read that you've written,
I want to remember all the things... all the
so very sensible and poignant things you've
imparted. Damn. I know I won't. Can't. But I
do thank you for all of them and keep 'em
coming!
Warm regards,
-Brooke.

Yes! This is what I do when I visit my loved ones. It doesn't matter what, it matters who:)

Thanks for sharing another goodie!

I travel for food, see places and culture. Now, I want to connect with locals, listen to their stories.

This is the best way to travel! Either you visit people or make new friendships in the places you visit.

So true! The most memorable trips I had were when I spent time with the local people.
I also went a few months for the first time to New York to visit a good friend who I haven't seen for 6 years. When she asked me what I want to do and see, I said the same thing "I just came to be with you:)"

Nothing in life can ever move me as much as the beauty of nature and the beauty of a human being. Well, perhaps a book but this is a labour of a human so, the same source

This resonates on so many levels!

I know what you mean, Derek. I, too, appreciate people more when they don't have an agenda after visiting me. I learned a long time ago that if you're generous all the time, there are people agreeing with you and apparently wanting to be your best friend all the time. When the generosity ceases, most, if not all of your company disappears.
On a spiritual note, I see red flags when I hear people saying they want to go to heaven. It reminds me too much of the sycophants who use to hang around me. When people say that, they are saying that they don't care about the Owner of Heaven; they just want to enjoy the perks from being there, such as fire insurance and eternal life.

At #95 Peter Smith asks how to "break out of tourist mode and connect with the people there." Firstly, I don't know, as I am a less social nerd, but secondly, as a nerd I like to think of answering: I once attended a party where the theme was to dress like a "tacky tourist."

It seems to me the reason tourists dress that way is to announce they are a tourist, therefore open to the typical tourist meet-the-locals thingy. You know, like how, after Forest Gump (joke) invented the smile button folks wore it to invite people being friendly to them. (A cynic talked of a world where buttons smile and people don't)

Today in a London bar I was wearing my long plaid nylon snap-on bib to have roast beef. Tacky enough? Although a nerd, I did not read a magazine or anything as I ate. And no devices! When my plate was taken away the Englishman at the next table broke the ice by saying, "Your meal looked so good I was famished." I ended up moving with my beer to his table (to free up mine) and he bought me beer. Nice conversation; I self-identified as a nerd when he asked me a sports question.

Peter, I just daydreamed about you and your wife, for your upcoming anniversary tourist-visit, wearing a big white name tag stickers where you wrote "still married." I bet locals would laugh, wanting to talk and learn your secret!

That's the perfect attitude. Whenever I travel to Europe to see my parents and friends, I would tell them the same and then we are together, enjoying the company, catching up.

I engaged best with 'travelling just for the people' as that really resonates with me.

People are just as important as places when it comes to travel, and I've met some beautiful souls in my adventures. I once met an American couple on a horse riding trip in India: around 8 days of travelling and getting to know them during respite hours. A couple of years later I was honoured to be received into their Texan home, and a couple of years after that I had the privilege of showing them round some of Scotland where I was living at the time. My take-home is that you can find 'your people' wherever you look for them: they might be friends for a few hours, they might be for a lifetime, but once you've established a bond based on integrity and common ground it's a solid one that you can always find again if you're ready to look for it.

Another recollection from India is the care and compassion I was shown when I was unwell in a 'home stay' - I was absolutely cosetted by total strangers. I've got into some difficult and dark times by being too trusting but I continue to look for the good side - recognition of other peoples' strengths is one of mine.

Recollections like the ones I've had remind me that travel is good for the soul. I hope you have a fantastic time in India

This is beautiful. It's nice to have someone vocalize this.

Wow! This is so good to know, Derek.

Because I'm the kind of person who spends more time with people whom I feel so connected and vibe with...

I just LOVE conversations that are deep and meaningful...

And speaking people connecting us to places..it's absolutely true


I recently went to my hometown, Coonoor, where I was born and grew up.

While I was so drawn to the beauty of the place, it was the memories and chit-chats I had about my father, friends, and people in the place that tugged my heartstrings....


This gives me the feeling that I'm going to have a great time meeting you. And I would be more than happy to take you around Chennai if you wish and your schedule permits. :)

I too have enjoyed traveling and meeting people or visiting friends, but depending on my mood, I have sometimes traveled almost in cognito. There is something powerful to me about simply experiencing a place without the burden of hearing someone else's experience or sharing one's own. Maybe because of who I am, questions about the simplest of things soon lead to intrusive, if well-meaning, inquiries, taking time and energy away from the place I am and the experiences it offers.

Interesting idea. Hopefully I can use this mindset in the future.

What i started doing recently，talk to a friend about sth that I'd like to learn，get his permission to record the conversation. Then in a few hours I get a fruitful conversation plus one podcast episode.

Hi Derek, last time i wrote a comment i was in Czech Republic visiting a friend, i got stuck becouse of Pandemic...today guess where i am? Yep, in Czech Republic, i came to visit him again, when i arrived he apologized becouse; since he will be working, he will not be able to take me to a lot of places, i told him the exact words your friend told you, “I don’t care what we do. I just came to see you!”. Sometimes people can be very interesting.

Last summer I had the special opportunity to visit some areas of England and Scotland. As one half of a sister duo, I always try to see if we can book a few shows while we are abroad, but none of the music venues we had reached out to in the months leading up to the trip had responded to our inquiries.

Thus, we arrived in the UK without any expectation to perform, but with the primary goal being to try new foods, reconnect with why we began doing music in the first place (because writing songs is fun!!), and talk with as many new people as possible! It is true that when you stop looking for the thing you've been 'wanting', what you are actually 'needing' tends to find you. By putting ourselves out there and talking to strangers, we ended up playing a show every weekend during our travels. And while the shows (whether in village halls packed with Scottish elders or crowded thousand year old pubs on rainy nights) were magical, cathartic, favorite-show-ever kind of experiences, it was the people we got to talk to and connect with after that I remember most. We stayed up until 2am with the family of Scottish musicians who booked our village hall show talking about topics wayyy beyond music. Another woman approached us with tears in her eyes and shared with us that our song "House with a Garden" was her wish for her daughter who struggled with depression. A woman soon to be moving with her family from England to Chicago told us we gave her hope for what an American family could be. I had never felt so whole and seen and part of something bigger in my entire life. I treasure these memories and the stories I was given every day.

I've found it is not difficult for dreams to mutate over time, turning into monetary or status-oriented goals fueled by comparison. Thus, I am forever grateful that by simply talking to strangers I was reminded just in time of the true joy that music brings in its nature to create community, understanding, and connection beyond words.

Totally - people make all the difference - breath life and memories into what we see - and who wants to have a conversation with just yourself anyway ...

This post opened my heart! I once traveled in Australia, hopping from one city to another, and everything was a blur… It will be a new learning for me to connect with people better in the future.

I agree. And that's why I do Couchsurfing when I travel.

www.couchsurfing.com/people/fabioaloha

One of the most important truths of life, it's all about the people and our relationships with them, our connection and meaning to almost everything in life is through these relationships and moments with the people we've met and care about. Even if something deeply meaningful arises within our inner self, it's in the sharing of that inner truth with another that it comes truly comes alive. I've always felt the phrase from the bible (Matthew 18:20) "For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them" speaks to this; and as a musician, performing live is a celebration of these connections, “All the world’s a stage” after all... ;-)

I left the area where I was born and raised to have a career. My father passed away on Jan 1, 2021... My mother is preparing to move into an assisted living facility as she isn't capable to maintaining the house by herself. She asked if there was anything of my father's which I would like to have...

I was faced with the awkward reality that I don't know what my father has because when I visited, I focused on family... my parents and extended family... so I have no idea about their "stuff" and I'm not sure that's a bad thing...

I love this article, most travel to enjoy things and places found in those places. this hit home for me for I am a member of a travel club just to have many family & friends travel to same place just to experience time together. thus the sentiment of your friend who just wanted to spend time with you was very touching.

Jean

Long time reader, first time commenter. If you're ever in Kyushu, Japan, more specifically the hidden gem sunny side surfing town of Miyazaki. Hit me up :)

Long shot, but I know this goes into your people database :)
Really enjoyed the Remote Ruby Podcast!

Andi from Miyazakian.com

The timing on this post is quite serendipitous. I recently travelled to London, UK, for the first time to visit my cousin who has lived there for nearly 20 years. He and his wife asked what I wanted to see and my response was quite similar. I said I was there to spend time with them, see their neighbourhood and maybe some of their favourite spots to walk their dog or grab a beer. Coming in with that mindset made it such a wonderful trip. Not only did I spend quality time getting to know family members that live half a world away, I also got to see London through the eyes of people who absolutely love where they live and who were extremely proud to show me around.

For some time I've focused on quality over quantity when travelling. Understanding that I can't see everything, try every restaurant or check all the boxes. Instead I'll make a few select choices and ensure adequate time to explore and absorb. This post, along with my own recent experience in London, has resulted in a bit of a lightbulb moment. People connect us to a place and when we make a quality connection while exploring a new place the two experiences become directly linked. From now on my focus on "quality over quantity" when travelling will include making quality connections.

I would say most of us is wired to connect with people, yet most of us try to connect with deities, things and places - it's easier. They are more predictable, never turn us down, have more idealistic appearance (Jesus is perfect, your neighbour has obvious downsides). This concept manifest itself when I travel with my camera. I just came back from Jordan and I feel very little excitement about going over pictures I took. I didn't want to invade people's personal space and haven't asked for permission to take their portraits. Yet portraits and street photography is the only subject that excites me.

I don't think I have ever traveled somewhere without the goal of meeting somebody. Seems like no place has been interesting enough. Even home, what make it home to me is the people living there.

For David T, #131, yes I too try to be unhurried, putting, as you did in London, quality over quantity. For London one can buy a tourist lanyard (if you are still in America, like buying a tourist brit rail pass) allowing all sorts of benefits, including going to the head of the line, but... You have to see two famous sites a day to break even, cash-wise.

I usually see only one tourist site per day, so that I have time to walk and make connections.

Two chaps working in a coffee shop, one a self-described Cockney, shook my hand
(one shook outside, from a bench as I was leaving; he was NOT just shaking goodby)
after I inspired them about travel and how to save money even on their shop wages. (Your bank officer will help you if you ask)
I would NOT have chatted with them
(after first chatting over a coffee table with a customer who knew them)
if I was foolishly in a hurry for "quantity" in my day....

Say, I think I broke the ice with the customer by cheerfully saying I didn't mind him being in line ahead of me, after he expressed some guilt, at the counter, to the staff.

This resonates with me so much. I remember and treasure most the conversations and people I met, not so much the landmarks, food, and events. Thank you for expressing and putting into words how I also love to travel!

Machines and things are easier: In the world human affairs, there are no sure-fire technologies for results. Two or more commenters (and many lurkers) have asked, "How can I meet people as a tourist?" Tips and tricks, however, may take time for them to learn.

The one thing swiftly within one's total control is one's attitude. Derek's book notes includes advice on page 103 from Austin Kleon's book:

You will need:
curiosity
kindness
stamina
a willingness to look stupid

Kleon's list resonates with me; each item is worth dwelling on.

It easy to say, "I can't..." (change my attitude) Are you sure?

When a successful businessman speaks, I listen. A fellow who went from nothing to 150 employees said, "My biggest nightmare is the fellow we fire who then realizes he needs to turn his life around, and goes to work for our competition."

My best travel stories are about people. Amazing how many are “needle in haystack.” Like hitchhiking in Korea and getting picked up a week later by the same truck driver or making friends with Tibetans in Kodi Kanal and sitting beside them later in a dumpling shop in Chengdu. Recently at the Kettleman City In n Out I met the dad of one of my son in laws best friends. We were en route to NorCal; he, to SoCal.

My fave travel movie is The Sheltering Sky. It is beautiful and thought provoking, asking the question are we tourists or travelers. Have you seen it?

Brilliant share.

Hi there Derek,

Being grateful. I just experienced something like this a couple of months ago. Very nice.

Thanks for sharing.
R.R.

After spending weeks to months in Spain, Albania, Bulgaria, Cyprus, and Italy in the last 10 months, I realised what I reminisce most is the people I met and the conversations and experiences we had together. Changed my perception of travel entirely.

Funnily enough, the podcasts I’ve listened to are also high on the memory list. Impactful conversations between people who never knew I was there!

Wise words, Derek. Thank you for sharing.

Rhys

Yes x 3.

I love this idea. Thank you for your forever work.

Lucky that you had such an encounter. Yes it is beautiful when it’s genuine and pure. Admire that.
I would love to have such encounter as well.
Question: how do you get past the “awkwardness” of meeting someone you’ve talked to online before you met them.
Hopefully I won’t be too awkward 😅
Looking forward to the conversation!

Next time you're to coming to Kolkata or am visiting New Zealand, Wellington, I hope to meet you :)