Re-edit your mind’s movies

The movie “500 Days of Summer” is a beautiful example of doubting your past. We see many scenes of a boy and a girl happily in love, but always from his point of view.

Then suddenly, the girl says, “I think we should stop seeing each other.” The boy is shocked and confused, and sinks into depression because he’s convinced that she’s his true love, and he doesn’t understand why she would break up, since they were so happy.

Eventually, his little sister says, “I think you’re just remembering the good stuff. Next time you look back, you should look again.”

Then the movie does something wonderful. It replays those same scenes it showed before, but now with a different edit.

Before, we saw her smile at him, but now the camera watches longer, and we see her smile was fake, lasting only a second. Now we see they had many fights. Before, we saw them holding hands, but now we see he tried to hold her hand and she refused it, pulling away. Now we see that she never loved him. The signs were there all along.

He had been focusing only on the happy memories, ignoring the rest. When he focuses on the bad memories, her breakup is not confusing or even painful. This perspective helps him make peace with the past and move on.

Consider this cinematic approach for the memories that haunt you.

For example: almost everyone says they were unpopular in school — that they were bullied and teased. They form their self-identity around that story. “People make fun of me. I’m not one of those likeable, popular types.” It’s probably not true. It’s probably a misinterpretation — not realizing that happened to everyone.

Next time you look back, look again. Replay your past from different angles until you find the lesson or closure you need.