Reframing death
For the last three years, my boy and I have had a pet mouse. We got her from a pet store, and he’s carried her in his hand through so many adventures in forests, beaches, and playgrounds. She sat on many little handmade boats down the creeks of New Zealand. Sand castles and Lego houses built just for her. Drawings and stories for and about her. You’ve never seen a mouse so loved.
The past six months, she’s been next to me on my desk, twelve hours a day, as I wrote this book. Moving slower and wobbling, looking like she’s in pain. This week, she kept falling over when trying to eat. Thirty minutes ago, she died. I’m surprised how much I’ve been crying.
As soon as she died, she looked at peace for the first time in months. It led to a thought that seems like a nice end to this book, and gives it extra meaning for me. Heaven is such a useful reframing. Maybe it’s the original reframing. Death can be terrifying or devastating, so no wonder every culture found a way to reframe it.
Some people avoid loving pets or even people, because they’re scared of the eventual heartbreak and loss. But avoiding sadness is like listening to music with only major chords. The minor chords are so beautiful. I’m crying, but isn’t that wonderful? It’s a part of a rich life.
And even that is reframing. It’s a useful belief that has helped me love people and pets, again and again.
This mid day, my friend told me that his relative just died 2 weeks ago after a year long pain sick lever n several compication disease.
He said "It's better for her than a year pain sickness. Now, she is in peace, and doesn't feel pain again."
Then I asked him, "Is that mean she is fine after she died ? because she goes to heaven ? How do you know she is fine after she died ? Is she really go to heaven or hell ( means more bad than being a year pain in sickness ) ?"
Believe could be reframed, but reality coudn't.
All of the moslem leader said that the reason Islam permiting a man married 4 womem because women population are several times a lot more than man.
And all several Billion Islam follower believe that ( including me at past ).
But, in reality, looking at the data, man population are more than women.
Just because all several Billions moslems belive certain things, doesn't mean that it could change the reality.
Reality is independent... doesn't care about any believe exist.
The question is : "Is she ( my friend relative ), in reality, go to heaven, go to hell, or go to nothingness ?"
Hey Derek, I appreciate your writing.
I have several printed copies of your books, and they resonate with me as a musician and business owner who's been at work in the digital domain since the mid-90s, it seems we have a lot in common.
I have been enjoying your posts. I just discovered these recently on Substack, so it's been fun to get the daily messages from you. I've given away Hell Yeah or No multiple times, so I just wanted to say thank you.
And - keep writing. :-)
I'm sorry for your mouse loss. It was gerbils for my boys and I.
During my formative years I read James Gunn's The Immortals. The most recent version, with a new forward, is already out of print. As I recall, most people were driven to doing hideous things by their fear of death.
Before I knew the word fractal I decided to live each day as being enough. No regrets. "We all live the same amount because we all have the present."
This means that I have never had a mid-life crises, although as a joke I had my telephone answering machine say something about forgetting to have a crises... Because I liked jokes. My favourite answer was, "If you know what you're doing, leave a message. If not, join the club."