My loss

I've often thought that purely logically, if everything in your life is going wrong, then the things that "feel right", the things you always do, the patterns you are in must be what is holding you back. There is a great episode of Seinfeld where George decides to do everything the opposite to how he would normally do it, and everything starts to go really well for him. Its hilarious, and obviously has some truth... thanks for the great article Derek! These are difficult truths, but then most are... :)
Good example! I forgot about that episode. Thanks! — Derek

Wow! Yes, I can - to some extent - understand and relate to a lot of this...I too am about to embark on a massive change - and shall make the most/best of it. Without sounding morbid - the biggest which we must all prepare for, is of course, death! In the meantime we must LIVE! And make the most of our lives...

this started with a sad tone.
good to hear that you feel good now.
starting over could be a missy buisness if you don't take some time in the begining to clear up.

I agree with all you said in the end .

Thanks for sharing, Derek. I've always believed that adversity brings out the best in most of us.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Go get 'em!

Carla

Awesome Bro, I'm right there with you!

I agree. I just moved my life 1000 miles from the place I'd spent all of my 34 years. Why? It was right, I wanted to... And I got divorced . How? By figuring out how to take my job with me. Thanks Derek. You've been an inspiration on the new journey.

Derek,
I hear ya. Like your insights. I guess we keep on keepin on, cuz the other road is no longer an option!

Great timing, Derek -- I left my hometown, am traveling now and writing a new business plan for a new company. I'm saying 'no' to playing live, 'yes' to composing and documentary film making. Thanks for sharing your story.

Love and peace -

Liz

Well then, please consider me to be your first follower. Here's the blog I wrote on July 1:
www.freelancepicnic.com
Coincidence? Serendeptity? Doesn't really matter, just so you know you inspire others.....
I thank you Derek.
LisaBeth

Amazing story, thank you for this

I can't tell you what perfect timing this message had.....

What strikes me is that, at the time, you didn't see all this as some marvelous 'learning experience', but despite the obvious painful challenges, you can look back and get something positive from it.

Stuff can really hurt when it happens, and still yield good fruit.

Derek, I had one of those years, too, then shared as another person had his. Now, we are doing it again. In short, it's time to move on (out of this town) and I'm ready for the positive changes moving on will bring. *LOL*

Sorry you went through all that you did, but enjoy the good stuff happening now and just waiting to come your way! ~Carrie

Derek, I had no idea...Was the company in question CD Baby??
yep — Derek

fun times ahead. keep rockin' Derek.

Mike

But... you survived ?!

This may prove (once again) that all this finance and love stuff is only artificially engineered to suck the energy of whoever has some to burn in the system, but does not represent the essence of what we have to deliver...

;-)

Hi Derek, comeing through to say thank you, we all learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others. Thank you for sharing this illustrated story with us all.

I won't try to top your list of awfulness, but the past 2 years have been the hardest physically and emotionally of my 45. In spite of that I now find myself working on a project that I have dreamed about for a long time with more resolve than I ever imagined. Details if you desire:

www.refresheverything.com/musicchattanooga

That happened to YOU? Get outta here! I've had some experiences myself, so this post touched me and inspired me to post a reply... Thanks for the report of how it is on the other side. I've been contemplating the concept of pursuing my "bliss." This is a very encouraging report :D

Thanks for that Derek,

I had no idea you went through so much in such a short period. It says a lot about your character that you can look back on that time, and look forward to the future with optimism and see the good where many of us would continue to keep digging ourselves into a bigger, darker hole.

Thanks again. I'll save this post for future reference on my own situation in life.

- Chad

i've been following your posts derek, but this one hits home the most...

after helping make & narrate 'the corporation' a few years back, i was forced into bankruptcy. i also relocated to another city, have ha a series of heartbreaks, & been a starving artist ever since - creativity & producing has kept me afloat, along with people that continue to believe in me

however, thanks for reminding me today with your post as i sit here in toronto where all the g20 drama has just taken place, along with a new film 'pax americana & the weaponization of space' which premiered last nite - i can't ignore the timing of things when i get out of my own way & open up

hang in there folks - don't lose sight of your vision & contribution

mikela

After facing some intense life challenges recently too, i found this quote captured the strange satisfaction i'm finding in this 'journey through fire':

"We are not on this earth to accumulate victories, things, and experiences, but to be whittled and sandpapered until what's left is who we truly are."
Arianna Huffington

The lows are part of the hero's journey, the mythic adventure we're all embarking upon. Congrats for learning that your old habits and patterns of thinking no longer worked for you, and coming back with a boon for society (part of the myth) which in part would be this blog!

I've been reading a book, and at one point the author mentions that we can want the right thing for the wrong reason. He goes on to say that having our precious desire taken away or being forced to wait for it causes us to purify or intentions. Thank God that good things can come out of bad situations. Otherwise there are too many negative circumstances to continue living optimistically.

Changing the yes /no pattern---so simple and yet so powerful.
Thanks Derek

Thanks for sharing this experience. It made me stop and think what matters right now.
M.

I had a similar year of suffering and couldn't imagine things getting worse. The other side of the fence was a complete paradigm shift that will allow me to make a living doing what I love. I like the Mythbuster's quote, "Failure is always an option."

Yes! Totally, Derek. Four years ago I woke up with tinnitus and hyperacusis (constant ringing and extreme ear sensitivity) -- this, after spending my entire life dedicated to music and percussion. I didn't know if I could ever play drums or music ever again. I had to dig down deep to start finding the positives and making positive things happen, but it opened me up and made me evaluate everything in my life and where I was going. Through it all I discovered a passion for composing and acoustic guitar.

I recently released an award-winning album of my original guitar compositions with a cellist from the Chicago Symphony Orchestra.

I used to play drums on other people's music -- now I write my own and it's more fulfilling than anything I've ever done.

Sometimes the the worst day/month/year of our lives can turn out to be our best at the same time. At least if you're open to the possibility.

Cheers!

I understand what you are feeling.Myself I got divorced two yrs ago from an alcoholic , verbally abusive and at times Physically violent woman.Its always sad to break up a marriage but sometimes it has to happen.When I went out the door i went with about 8000 dollars of which was eaten up by the security and first months rent, plus a bed frame and box spring mattress,micro wave oven,kitchen table and three chairs plus 7000 dollars in legal fees not to mention the 650 for the anullment from the Catholic church. The truth is , that I am in debt by 26 thousand dollars now but the good news is that I'm free. Free from Being Publicly Humiliated,free from her making very bad financial decisions with the money that was bequeathed to her by her father when he passed and we were never on the same page raisning my daughter. You are always in My prayers and yes song writers and composers have to pray also!
God Bless
Thomas

Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant.

- Horace

... when you need the book written, let me do it! as i was the first and only person you did cdbaby business with by mail (your claim, kid) i have some sort of weird standing in the story.

i can tell you this though, sir: i was deeply impressed when i talked to you by phone asking for that mailing way back in '98.

i still am.

you are rich in all ways that matter. enough sob stories--even couched as object lessons.

YOU ARE DEREK SIVERS.

thanks for your honesty, Derek. Honesty goes with moral authority and we can't learn from someone we think has none. Every day you become more and more the real deal. Thank you.

Thanks Derek. Life is bigger than our setbacks and sufferings.

God Bless.

Thanks for an inspiring post.

Thank you for this. :)

the only relationship you will not lose in your lifetime, is the relationship with yourself.
john bradshaw

Thanks for sharing, and for my particular story, it will be available in my book, to be published soon.

Dick Wagner

Stuff like this confuses me... when some major change is announced, it's all sunshine and roses and then months (or years) down the road, some party involved comes clean that it was all a nightmare.

All those bands that announce their newest album to be their true artistic awakening only to denounce it later as a corporate-controlled pile of garbage they refuse to play tracks from live.

"We're still the greatest, closest of friends and this is a good thing, please respect our privacy..." seemingly translates to "We're just shy of smothering one another in our sleep and I'll release a tell-all about this divorce being HIS fault just as soon as the editor signs off on the manuscript".

Makes me less likely to think people in these situations are ever capable of being honest.

Even your motivation for selling CDBaby has been given an entirely different explanation previously.

Not to say you aren't being truthful. Those are complex situations that can have many causes, feelings change over time, and I may just be misunderstanding you. But it seemed going into those changes that you were very happy and feeling liberated - but this claims that those times were bad/difficult and NOW you're happy and liberated. Odd.

Exactly! Great point. It's not either/or or true/false. All sides of the story are true. We can just focus on different perspectives for different purposes. (P.S. I've always been happy and liberated. Even through that bad year. Just glad to be done with it and learn from it.) — Derek

I had times like that. They really, really suck, but what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Now I'm thankful for them because I've learned so much.

Don't die with regrets. Do what everyone says can't be done.

MAD

You are special and you have made a difference in my life. My music and the love of it aren't star quality and aren't going to be the next big thing, but you made it so I could publish my music to tens of fans in tens of countries and a hundred or so downloads.

My music comes back to my life
I nearly divorce
My wife dies
I almost hit the bottom financially at least three times in the past three years
I worked so hard on my "day job" that I nearly worked myself to death.

Now?
Good job, lower stress, loving again
Kids OK, home is home, but simpler
Music still courses through the river of my soul like the Amazon through the jungle.
I could give away all my possessions tomorrow and still have had love, music, children, and the joy of sharing my music with the world.

It is great on the other side.

Live in the moment, the here, the now.

Today is the good day. These ARE the good times.

Wow. Derek.

Isn't life wonderful? So many teachers.

You are a great inspiration, too.

Thank you.

Derek, you make me cry. Thank you.

See you on the other side.

Move with "The Cheese" my friend. "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" Sounds like you're doing just fine!

I love you. In a proper way, that is. You are a sunny soul and reading about the afterfacts of your soul's adventure is always soothing.

I'm currently in the middle of a year which, while nowhere near as bad as your's, feels very similar. My grad program is becoming toxic; I've been having recurring money problems; and I lost my best friend of over 10 years in the worst personal conflict I've ever had.

I've been seriously thinking about a number of ways I could change things, but I haven't yet because I'm honestly terrified. But reading this... brings me a step closer to actually making those changes. Thank you.

Hi Derek,

Although the details are totally different, I've  had two similar catastrophic periods in my life. They differ from other big life events, such as bereavement, in at least two ways:

1. You are the focus - you don't share it with siblings, colleagues or fellow-travellers. It's happening to you alone. 

2. Your normal universe turns inside out. You suddenly seem to be the bad guy. Your self-image is disrupted by the mistrust and hostility of people close to you. 

Dylan captured it with this line in 'Idiot Wind', 'What's good is bad, what's bad is good'   All your best strategies fail to work, it's as if your compass is broken.

For me, only focussed work with limited short-term goals pulled me along to a point where the universe clicked back into gear. 

In future, I'd like to think I could see a situation like that developing before it becomes critical; for example, be more alert to dissatisfaction in significant others at home or at work. 

On both occasions, for me at least, things got better afterwards than they'd been before. I hope that remains the case for you and any of your readers in similar situations, now or in future.

I had to post your link on facebook :D

Very inspiring. It is always in 1 year :)
I just got out of my "1 year". It's certainly greener on the other side.
Thanks Derek.

I can somewhat relate--divorce, raised two kids alone, hit financial bottom. Now remarried, nice home, kids raised, money in the bank, and ready to pursue a new career! Life does get better. Thanks for your stories that inspire us to share ours!

Wonderful! Thanks for sharing. Having read this I feel like you have achieved a greater "success" in your perceived "failure" than you had ever achieved before. Welcome to the other side, where you can see what's really important! And, best wishes.

Yes, it is a very common occurrence. I am really sad to hear of someone who has been very good to other people being treated so badly.
Looking ahead I wonder what the future holds. I bet many of us give our good wishes to you Derek. I do anyway. Money is nothing.
I worked 27 years with my beautiful son, taught him drums when many lunkheads laughed at me and said I was wasting my time. All smashed when he was locked 2 days in a freezing, park toilet, fell into severe autism regression
bashed us, totalled the house & we had to sign him over to the state.
(Funny repartee we shared):-
Me:- "You are a very good drummer Mark". Mark (ii):- "Yes I am a very good drummer!"
Me:- "And very humble too!"
Mark (ii) "yes, I am very humble!"

I'm really happy that you've made effort to see the best side of all those heavy life lessons but I think you're not considering one thing D. You're also forgetting to see the value you've allowed others to see in themselves by starting and seeing CDbaby through to the dream maker it's been for so many of us. Cheers and thank you.

Thank you so much. I have a "day job" which doesn't cover my bills, and wears me out so badly I am so tired it's hard to play music (much less book, promote or write!!). Fortunately I could buy a house a few years ago (my parents passed away), now I am faced with selling it before I lose it. I have wanted to move and start over in another place for a long time (since 2001!) and have been scared to lose my "security." What security?!!! Thanks, Derek. As always.

A monk said after 20 years of learning,he can say every thing he has learned in one sentance.

ALL THINGS THAT ARISE SHALL PASS

Love ya man

Well Derek, as you already knew, I am one of those who 'blamed' you or were gutted when you sold your company. I did not know the full story then as I do now; so forgive me man. Thanks for sharing.

I too have gone literally the same turmoil, but it's true that we learn a lot from these episodes.

Thanks for sharing this - a courageous and vulnerable move that helps us understand you more. Perspective can be a liberating thing and it seems your perspective is serving you well...

May it continue!

I have always valued you, you have a way of making the most trying times almost trivial,
I am on my 8th month of unemployment,
I will not yield, I will not falter, I've spoken with Ben Newhouse at Berklee and purchased a textbook to learn DP better, I know the Lord put me here to inspire and to be strong, I'm always excited and you are too !!
Thanks D

Well, if you know anything about me at all, you'll know I am not one to take destiny very seriously. Our entire lives, at least the well lived ones, are spent trying to become a closer proximity of who we really are beyond the masks thrown upon us by our parents, friends and society in general. I wager that is why we seek out music in the first place, as a way to express those things we feel we can't otherwise. Those of us that live life our own way are going to be beautifully scarred and marked by our trials and errors... and most likely, less afraid to fail than those that aren't.

Thanks for sharing this.

Those difficult losses and extreme lows make the highs possible.

Derek, I exchanged email with you a few years ago because I was very impressed at the cool marketing emails CDBaby kept sending me (written by you) and wanted to tell you. I could see that you were a smart guy and would always do well simply because of who you were, and that seems to have come true.

As for change and success (or whatever you want to call it), I like to think of it as this: "life is negotiable". Whatever you're doing, you alone have either gotten yourself in that position, or can get yourself out of it. It may mean sacrifice, upheaval, pain, just plain change, but you don't get something for nothing.

I know many people who are so close in to their lives, so subjective, that they don't believe they can change anything about how they live, to make things better. They're wrong, because (altogether now) "life is negotiable".

Take care mate,

Neil. (@redpola)

Revisiting "square one" ... interesting!

Sorry to learn of your difficulties with CDBaby. I only think of your achievement with it--the monumental accomplishment that creating it and getting it stabilized/successful was. I think of you as one of the most notable of the early internet entrepreneurs and I hope you will continue with Sivers.org and all of your other chosen pursuits. I'm sure you will have learned well regarding how to defend yourself from mutiny next time. All the best--Rick Rykart

Loss is good. Although most of us don't think this way. Just had an intense discussion with a former teacher about the state of the east and the west, Zen life outlooks, life in general, art and music and home-made grape jelly. Turned me on to Elizabeth Bishop and this poem

"One Art
by Elizabeth Bishop


The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.


--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster."

If nothing else, losing all makes us more kind, more compassionate and more human than ever if we're open to it. The only thing we never can lose is our experience. Thanks for the post.

I like this post and the idea of changing our actions or reactions.

I don't think we need to do the opposite of what we usually do as much as we need to simply realize the outcome is not created by our actions and to stop investing so much of our happiness on a specific result.

When we recognize that we don't control outcomes we can focus more on our actions as ends in themselves rather than as means to an end.

"The woman I was madly in love with married the guy she would always complain to me about."

Dude! That part made me laugh my A** off! Sorry! Sounds a bit familiar too!

That is a STUNNING story about CDB and the 90%! Goodness!

I'm really grateful you tell these stories cos I can't imagine you in these positions. Great show of evolutionary process.

You either die or you keep on going.

Dear Derek,
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your latest story. I am so grateful that you founded CDBABY, you are like "an Angel of Music". You have done so much for so many of us artists. It is with great pleasure that I read all of your inspiring and helpful letters, although I don't always comment to let you know that. What an incredible legacy you continue to leave. Thank you again, you are a blessing in my life and countless other...Happy Independence Day!

I made my own 'big leap' very recently -

http://productionadvice.co.uk/and-this-is-where-the-story-really-starts/

So far it's going well and it feels FANTASTIC but it's always good to hear encouragement that it really can work out for the best :-)

What continues to astonish me is how much pure energy was wasted by simply remaining in a situation that I was no longer committed to or passionate about.

I clung to the status quo for so long because it felt 'safer' (because it was familiar) never realising how much better off I would be when I let all that go and persued what I really believed in...

Ian

Interesting stuff. But it leaves me wanting to know more.

Derek,
Thank you for your honesty. I too had a challenging year: taking a gig in Vietnam where I was away from my husband for three months, and then my grandmother and mother passed away within three months of each other. I also made my way back to LA after having lived in Nashville for a year. Never losing sight of the big picture, I am still working on my music (the greatest therapy).
I hope things are turning around for you. You are an inspiration to so many people- and that continues to be the case :))Hang in there.

This is exactly my walk on many levels..and I am in the middle of shape shifting..sometimes the clouds get in the way...but then when you think you can not handle another event..something like this Someone like you arrives...

Nmaste!
Deva

Derek, my friend.....


This song of mine encapsulates everything you said:


NO LUCK AT ALL

Time to buy orchids
But I bought geraniums
Time to buy land
But I bought palladium

If they wanted Yin
I gave them Yang
If they wanted me to dance
That's when I sang

No luck at all
The dark cloud never leaves me

But still I pray
Each and every day
I pray to my God
Please
Come and forgive me

Stocks were rising
I was selling them short
The boat set sail
I was left behind at port

Needed penicillin
But the drugstore's closed
Needed hot water
But my pipes just froze

No luck at all
The dark cloud never leaves me

But still I pray
Each and every day
I pray to my God
Please
Come and forgive me

Oh, God, thank you for my health, thank you for love
Thank you for the blessings coming from above

Its all part of growing and learning and realizing there more to learn and be a part of. Thanks for the article Derek.

I love that you have the courage to just put it out there! Gives me more courage with my own story.

And Mikela Jay. I love your movie "The Corporation" i just recommended it to someone this morning!!! I recommend it constantly. so wonderfully done! you deserve success. and thank you for making that documentary. (I know there are others involved but not on this thread as far as i know)

A very moving post, certainly fleshes out your unforgettable response (while on that panel at '09 Folk Alliance) to the question re "where the industry is going." Best wishes/joy to you.

Derek,

Your post reminds me of one of my favourite Rumi passages:

****

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

-- Jelaluddin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks

****

As ever, thenks for sharing.

Cheers,
Thane

Derek,
Thank you for the post!

How long did it take you to forgive the people that hurt you?

How long did it take you to forgive yourself for the people you hurt (or believed you hurt)?

How did you do it?

THAT is liberation. . .

(And thank you for being such an inspiration to so many people. Your calling?)

Wow, I thought that "the company" was a great place... I would love to hear the story of the mutiny and the lies that everything was great.

That would be an interesting story, the company that I was and am proud to be connected with is now tarnished.

Amazing... everything is an illusion.

Derek,
I feel for you - I know how many people must say that, but I truly understand. In one year the girl I was madly in love with left me for one of my friends, whom she always complained about being a jerk. My friends who we shared and were thus involved allied themselves with him and left me in the lurch. In addition to him being one of my band members who quit the project we had been building for 3 years (obviously!), the other band members found a new, less talented band, and quit ours because the other had more 'commercial potential'. I lost my job; I got sick and no doctor could find out what was wrong with me. I lost my entire life in four months. Unfortunately, I have not been as successful as you and have not yet found a way to rebuild, since everything I create crumbles to dust and all my attempts to find my way lead to dead-ends. I wish I could believe in the power of positivity, but I am being sincere when I say it warms my heart to see that someone in a similar position has been able to find happiness in a new life - I hope some day that it might be possible for me. Until then I have been abandoned and alone and all the attempts I have made at changing my life have failed. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks for the inspiration!

And I thought my last break up was bad, wow, you really got the raw end of the stick.

Everyone has said this already, I'll say it again, very inspiring Mr Sivers. Big ups!

Derek,
That company hasn't felt right ever since you sold it. Now I know why. You were on our side and wanted us to succeed just as much as you wanted your company to succeed. I'm still on YOUR side - keep on traveling your reckless, noble path. I hope to do the same.
Gina

Hey Derek,
I'm blown away. As I was reading the post I kept asking myself, "Is he talking about himself?" I've known you for quite a while and never knew this story. It makes your constant search for truth even more revealing an special. Keep it up. There are a whole world of people out here who look upon you as their personal guru and I, one of the humblest of your followers, find you absolutely fascinating...Jack

You forgot the coda of this story. After you sold the company, the new owners did everything wrong that you had been doing right, and we, your loyal customers, howled about your departure. You didn't expect that, either, I imagine.

I've completely remade my life in the wake of catastrophe a number of times, including in the last six months. When the good stuff starts to show up,"perennial as the grass," my friends think I'm just lucky. I am!

Thanks Derek! Always an inspiration. And very timely!

Friends of mine have had a year like that. And I have had a few periods in my life where I seemed to have a string of negatives.

I think when it happens, you tell yourself, "God (or whoever controls the universe), you've got my attention. So what am I supposed to learn?"

It's kind of like being hit in the head with a 2X4. Sometimes you've just got to let go and see if you can find something good in all of it.

Talk about synchronicity, I've been wondering if there really is a "next" side. Thanks for sharing your story because most people wouldn't. I needed this post. Thanks! Avil

Bonsoir Derek, true as always in various aspects as to on where to go from here as it does bring several opportunity's and decisions, the good news is we will never lose our ability, in questioning ourselves as to why!!!
Have a fantastic weekend, & try to rest as I hear your getting ready for a trip to Cannes
God bless my friend & merci beaucoup for all you :D)

Powerful story. Thanks Derek.

You just got married a few months ago. I'm confused was that the lady that divorced you, Derek? CD Baby sounds like they are corrupt like a lot of companies; not surprised. I would be best to take the few CD's I have there off. Heck I've only sold maybe 2 in 7 years. I'm sorry to hear all the bad things that happened to you in that year, and amazed how your wife could get your life savings. What kind of judge would grant that? Man, there are very few folks I can call my friends, and your note underscores just how unfair and cruel this world can be, Derek. I'm very happy you have risen above it my friend. God bless you, and best wishes for a positive future. Sincerely, Clay Wilson

Derek -
Been there, buddy! I know exactly how you feel. Period.
I'm now living with my mom. Shouldn't mom be living with me?

“Some people change their ways when they see the light, others when they feel the heat.”
Caroline T. Schoeder

Have you started your book yet? I hope so.

Peace.

It takes a helluva lot of pressure on coal to make a diamond!

All the comments helps remind me that this world is still filled with wonderful caring people. Derek thanks for sharing ..This is inspires me to keep going. Your not alone.
We overcome.

Thats a pretty stunning tale , even to an old blues man. Every time I have an appointment with my neurosurgeon he tells me: ' Well, things can always get worse.'Lousy bedside, great knife, though.
All i know is this: You are not the one who wakes , or sleeps, or dreams but only the witness to these things. It seems like this would be no consolation at all, but when you really see it,it is bliss itself.

Thanks for your share Derek....I had one of those years as well... each day I focus on the things that matter most and write out my gratitude list. It's so easy to go down that path of sadness from loss. Though I have exercised that muscle to choose a different path and not be so hard on myself. It's a discipline I practice every day.
You are still an inspiration to me, all the best!

I am on the tail end of a 5 year period of my life dealing with some pretty unbelievable things, some that where not my doing but my choice to take on. My daily mantra at that time was "at least it's not cancer". And although it was not, it was slowly killing me.

What got me to the tail end is realizing that more people survive cancer and live an amazing life! When I fully realized that I was comparing my healthy (fucked up) life to a horrible disease, I decided to change my story. So far so good. Sometimes loss is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Derek this is not meant to be a compliment, just what I see as truth. It would be safe to say most people would be better off with absolutely nothing other than the gifts you possess, and start over penniless. I look forward to meeting you on the other side.

Great post, Derek. Definitely relate to much of this. I'll see u soon.

--Terrace Crawford
www.terracecrawford.com
www.twitter.com/terracecrawford

At age 50 I experienced a similar road that you went down. Completely changed my life. The last 10 years I have and am still building a music business that I love and hope to have in my life for the senior years ahead. One never knows. Best of luck in your own journey.

Thats really rubbish,
i'm sory to hear you had to face all that crap Derek. Although we haven't met, i think you are a very decent human being, for what it's worth.
Courage is a funny thing, you don't know sometimes you've actually got it
until you're backed into chopping block corner, and cordially and persuasively invited to purchase the dvd of your own execution.
I think i will terminate my CD baby account on principal actually. Betrayal of friendship and trust is the uttermost pits.
s
This is nothing against CD Baby! It's all different people there now anyway. They're a great company. I just had just let the internal company culture turn into something intolerable. But it's all changed now. — Derek

Derek,
This is ideal fodder for a country western song, "just three chords and the truth", said Willie Nelson. Start writhing, I mean writing!
Martin

PS Been there, done it!

Impressive story, thanks for sharing! The Company felt bittersweet ever since you left, now it feels a little more bitter. They aren't ripping us off, but they certainly lost the charm and spirit.

Can't help but wanting to know more about what happened!

Thanks for being such an inspiration!

Hi Derek,
You haven't owned C.D. Baby for a couple years, right?
..... anyhow, on the trying something new,
or scary, I'm going to drop my 3rd record through C.D. Baby!
But this is the first one without you owning the company!
I wasn't going to release any more records, but I wrote so many songs I figured I can at least keep the songs organized this way!
I don't sell many records, but it's cool to get those C.D. Baby checks every once in a while!
~~~~~LAMMY a.k.a. Mr. True~~~~~~

Derek

Ok. Makes sense. Ouch.

You didn't deserve it.

...and so proud to know you. Good for you for telling people your current gifts were made at such a cost...

Anyone who's jealous? Load their life on the truck and watch it go. Then they can have....

I am grateful you decided to do what you did in the face of That.
~stefan

Thanks for sharing the story. When people share stories like that, it can always help someone else out who may be experiencing something similar or make them aware that they are not alone.

The hardest thing I ever went through was a divorce because of shattering the world of my 12 yr old daughter, who was my life! I knew it would be worse for her in the long term for us to stay together, but she couldn't know that and I know it cracked her world in half. I tried to see her as much as possible. I made sure I saw her every Wednesday then every weekend...but her mom & dad weren't in the home and it was terrible for her for a long time. Even as I write this, I feel that same pain that I gave her. Everything has turned out fine as time passed but I know that pain is still deep inside. But this all showed me that time and constant focus and drive can make anything happen if you want it bad enough.

This is now providing the confidence that I need to start my own music business that I always wanted to but never thought I could. I now KNOW I can. I have learned that.

I have to admit that your story makes me feel I am not alone in the "I'm a 57 year old who has made a real bad group of decisions this last 3 years and being poor with a great view is good enough"

Well, that's the Yin and Yang of it, innit? Follow your intuition and occasionally it leads you down a dark path. But that dark path may very well be what you need. In March of this year I set out on a long journey back to the good ol' U.S. of A. driving north to south, out west and back. Almost everthing that could go wrong did including all the dates being cancelled after I discovered I was being hustled by a real nut job. All along the way I kept wondering if I had fucked up big time but as knew information came to light it was apparent that some of those disasters avoided the real disasters and I made some good friends along the way. To top it all off I still accomplished what I originally set out to do. But the real benefit was discovering that a lot of what I thought I wanted was based on an outdated idealism that had nothing to do with what's going on today. Getting past that led to an unprecedented personal and artistic freedom. It IS nice here on the other side, ain't it? And it's our challenges that both define us and give us the greatest opportunities.

congratulations to making it to the other side! :)

Wow Derek --
My family life exploded nine years ago because of my husband's hidden drug addiction. He ended up dying from it. I had to pay massive bills and start over.
I thought I would meet a nice man, get married again and have more kids. Didn't happen.
Instead, I wrote a bunch of songs, made a couple of cds, wrote a book, and I'm still not sure what to do with all that stuff.
But, my daughter and I have carved out a really nice life. I'm in graduate school, have awesome friends, and pretty much just live each day as it comes.
We do this for a while until we don't, I suppose.
Thanks for the clarity and honesty, and hang in there.
Kami Nixon

What can I say, you're telling me the story of my life, and you're right, of course.

Wow! I so needed to hear this today! I have had a run of obstacles that have made me feel like I made bad decisions, but honestly say I would rather stay with what scares me the most than walk away and leave my mess for someone else to clean up or wonder if I could have changed something Good for you Derek and thanks!

I think I am the only only commenter who knew all this. ....
D. I keep reading the I'm sorry comments and though I am human and never want to see anyone down and out, I never felt the ned to say that to you. Dont get me wrong, it all sucked! But, It's like you always took lemons and turned them into lemonade. You have always been flexible enough to kick yourself in the ass when needed. You never forget and forge on.
You still always have a path that has holes. Now you know how big of a ladder you need to get yourself out of them.
you are Great D!!

Wow, Derek. I never knew about your suffering. I am happy that you are on the other side of that experience and that you have found love. :-) No great human being has ever surfaced without walking down the road of failure and pain. I say, pain is a window... failure is the road to success, it's when we learn... Thank you for sharing with us!
Rachel

Thank you for sharing that, the songs from those experiences must be priceless.

I just listened to your song Still Too Soon To Tell!

I liked your comment that said that you've always been happy and liberated. Even through that bad year.

That is something worth not unlearning.

~

Do you have a way to tell what you fear from what you take a moral stance against?

wow Derek. I always kinda looked at you as this perfect person/business man. Did this all happen before you started CDbaby or is this during that period in your life?
Just updated the article to include the year: 2007. — Derek

It's so easy to assume "successful" people somehow have (or have had) it "easy".
If only we could see the consequences of our decisions, as we make them.
But then we would be robots not humans.

This poem emerged, going through my changes...

for those who are humble
and quietly present
riding life
Is but an adventure
full of surprises
the daily art of letting go
the essence of love
through changes
and challenges
imagination and creativity
our true selves shine through

I'm totally assuming I'm older than you, yet every single time I hop on here to read something you are teaching me. Begone old adages...Derek rules the roost :)

sorry - now I see that is what led you to sell cdbaby. why did your employees turn against you? sounds like that could be a blog in itself!
Still learning from that. It was my fault. — Derek

Maybe the word of "loss" is inadequate to describe such experiences. Somehow a loss seems always be compensated by something else. "Transformation" could be the right word. Nothing is permanent in this Universe. Matter, our thoughts, our feelings, our well-being, constantly transforms from one phase to another. You are an inspiring person Derek, thanks for sharing your story.

Perhaps this doesn't add much to the conversation, but a photograph I saw in SFMOMA once prompted similar thoughts (how simple -- yet uncomfortable -- it can be to fundamentally change one's life).

So here, for all to share, is Robert Dawson's "Private Property, Lake Tahoe" (1988): http://www.sfmoma.org/artwork/102642

After your unfortunate but important circumstances, what do you do now? And did you retain enough resources to start anew or did you start from scratch? I would kike to know where people go and what they do when they lose everything except their life.

Thanks for your articles.

John Lesea

Derek, thanx for sharing and thanx for your honesty. You're an amazing person and no matter what happened a guy like you will come back stronger. I've taken so much advice from you and your company was a godsend for soooo many musicians that needed it. Anything you ever recommend I know I don't have to think twice about. I once asked you for a job although I'm in NY. Mutiny from your employees??? You were probabaly such an amazing employer they'll all get what's coming to them...And so will you, nothing but the best - peace brother

DEREK.... my friend... you once mentioned that no one ever reads past the first 25 postings? .... I would venture to say that you do ... ;)

Love, Love, Love that you shared your trials and tribulations... your "moments" hahaha .... my motto... DAMN..I pick myself up...dust myself off...and KEEP ON GOING!!!! NEVER give up.... the twists and turns are the experience of living and learning... the frustrations ... the many close calls..but not quite hitting the mark ... AND then... thEN...THEN when you do...HIT THAT MARK "the other side".... so worth every single bruise and bump....IMHO! ~r

I like your in deep approach of life... You are really living your life with plenitude. Cheers :)

ADVICE:1) Like said PINK FLOYD=
. =(THIS IS FOR EVRY RELATION SHIP with GIRL,WIFE,FRIENDS,PARENTS).
2)THE MOST OF PEOPLE THEY MAKE THEM REVOLUTION at age 17 until 30 year--and after 30 years old- be ROBOT in life=House-Working,,House-Working & to much watch TV(after the work time) and the houses without friends minimum 2 times a week,,and STOP DREAMING=VISION!-AND THE GOD FOR ALL THOSE PEOPLE IS THE MONEY= SUCRIFISE ALL AT MONEY.---ME CHRIS I SAY: WE NEAD MUCH MONEY FOR WE REALIZATE OUR DREAMS,OUR TALENT-and GOING FRONT!!--and also for living with medium Conforts, & NOT TO LIVING VERY RICH LIFE-.-SO:THESE PERSONS THEY IS DEAD [EN] LIFE, FRONT GENUINELY THEY DIE.
chris stassinopoulos

Change is what most are afraid of. I've had some incredible challenges that past number of years...10 years ago I discovered The Nia Technique and that really changed my life and also helped me thru the recent challenges. If we really listen to our Body, Mind, Emotions and Spirit, it's amazing how much we can get thru when we learn to trust our own inner voice.
Thanx for helping us on our journey as you are on yours!
www.nianow.com

Very noble and brave of you Derek! Enjoyed your life experience. Well said. Thank you.

Wow. Thanks.

Never would've guessed in a million years! I just presumed that you sold the business, made a ton of money, and signed a non-competition agreement, and that you're waiting for that agreement to expire so that you can come roaring back with a vengeance. I still expect greatness from you, perhaps even more now! Thanks for sharing, and all the best to you!!!

Before I signed up for CDBaby I tried two other such sites. They were complicated to navigate and I didn't sell anything. I was reluctant to give CDBaby a try, but, I did. Your "baby" was the best thing I've ever did; before or since. I'm really sad you're gone and I've told you before that it's not the same. I didn't know why you left really appreciate your explanation. Really!

As for changes that come our way like the randomness of the winds, in 1985 I picked up steel drums as a hobby instrument. On Christmas eve 1993 my 25 year old daugther was shot in the head, dumped in the Arizona desert and eaten beyond recognition by coyotes. My job at the time was a high level department head for the Navy (as a civilian). I couldn't function after her murder which went unsolved for 10 years (long story - sorry), making major errors, etc. End of story is that I quit a career job and began playing pan. I didn't have a clue how to get jobs and such. I would read the yellow pages and call businesses at random to see if they were having an office party, and such. Moral and ending of this too long email is that I had to cross to that other side you mentioned, and I'm much better off (not financially, but emotionally). Sounds like you are adjusting to the new world of yours. Please keep me up to date on your new path.

Aloha/Greg MacDonald

The purity of your musical mission forged via the vehicle of CDBaby and currently reflected through this inspiring blog shine through - you are a true pioneering spirit - and sometimes pioneers are gravely misunderstood:-)

www.freenotemusic.com

Derek, you have been a hero to so many people for so long, as much now as you were before the "new" Derek. You were so busy taking care of everybody else, you forgot your "star player" as Katt Williams says.
You have to be the captain of your ship first, not last.
Otherwise you are a beachball in the ocean, no matter how successful you might think you are.
You are like an old friend we have come to know better now than before, vulnerable, real, a teacher, a mentor and a never afraid to share.
If you ever need a place to stay and a shower, call us, we will be there, I promise.

Yo "D",
My Senses Or Intuition Had Already Told Me This !!
All Of That Has Become A BLESSING In Disguise !
I.E., The Truth Has Set U Free,
Welcome To The Other side, The Proverbial
Here.....After !
Now... My Man Creativity Is Surging Through You & You Know The Truth !!

Peace, Music, Prosper, Peace.
Dr.X

I can relate - trial by fire, or as a friend put it: disassemble in order to reassemble stronger and purer than before. Two years ago, just 9 days after my second son was born I walked away from a neglectful and emotionally abusive marriage. I had no income, two young children and a dream of freedom from unrelenting unhappiness. In the past two years I've known more joy, laughter and peace than I have had in ages, discovered I can paint, and reconnected with my creativity and sense of adventure.

Like my 6 year old observed - the sun's still shining on a cloudy day... just depends on which side of the clouds you're on.

Changes come with some pain and a lot to gain if you can muster the courage to take the first step.

The one thing that scares me more than anything else, scares the hell out of me, is getting up and playing my songs in front of strangers. They can be crude, cruel, insulting, and horrible - or they can be helpful, loving, positive and generous. You never know until you've already started the gig.

In general scale, you made lives of thousands of musicians better. I think your story is all about gain.

Derek -
I didn't know you when you were a "successful business executive" of cd baby, and just thought that when you sold it you had decided to get out while the getting was good. But when I met you in person and listened to you at the NY Songwriter's Circle, you just seemed like such a real, introspective, imperfect and aware person that it was a pleasure to know that the music industry had a place for people like you. This story is just a confirmation. You are welcome to stay at my house anytime-from one human being to another.

Words of wisdom from Jerry.
There are 8 out of 10 businesses that fail. Yours didn't. If it takes another 8 times to be succesful again it would be worth it.

Derek,
From lemons to lemonade, thanks for letting us have a drink :)! I REALLY needed that...it gets very hot out here sometimes.

hi derek, i guess i've been out of the loop. i had no idea you'd been through such a nightmare! i just thought you sold all your books and got married. but wow, u seem to have really turned things around. proving: it's possible. several times i've been in the situation thinking, "that was my last contract! in 2 weeks i'm gonna starve in the gutter!" but... in a few days the phone has always rung with a new opportunity. the forces of the universe have tended to be my friends. at least, so far. wishing you the same, jpt

Thank you :)

Derek,
thankyou for living your life BRAVELY, OPENLY and as HONESTLY as you know how. I wish more of us put so much of who we are out there so courageously.

I can say, I never delete your sends. I may not read them at the moment. It takes along time to realize that maybe an individual, is doing it right. But without the reininforcement, they are unaware. I love your articles and insights on music and facing the oncoming.bojentz

re: Derek "Loss"

its the best one you write that is a truly reflection of many successful people's stories.

i am thinking to initial an international party "Blue Party" update from 'Green Party".. you and your new 'army' want to join?

there are lots of points we can adding together. here is my few thoughts:

1. there are two things that limited us " Money" & "Time" - now we will see the shift from "Money" to "Time"... we don't necessary to earn million dollars first, then do the things we want..

2. after more than 2000 years world calenda, and advanced tech, people should entitle have more free time to relax,and to do more thing they want...stressed on money loss, debt, unemployed are no longer anyone's personal mistake, not any single developed country can fixed on bank issue etc. it's techonologic speeding changed our social pattern..

3. we should change the time system, based on technology speeding, and human life span... e.g. change each single day with 48 hours, fortnight is a week, 730 days per year. .. or another reasonable rate on calendar system. - therefore we delay to pay rent/bill, and bank interests; we reduced youth/children stress on employment and education, and reduced the intense on marriage/relationships, or delay the time to marry,...young people should have more time to enjoy making love, more time to gym, more body exposure freedom, keep the body shape, reduced medicare budget and move into more housing, human should have right to live on a basic home to sleep.. except for accident emergency, many healthy problem can through healthy life style to self healing with modern tech knowdlges.. otherwise, we haven't improve our life much better than natural animals..

4. If in this new concept, what's about your life? you are only '21' years old, you can afford to spend another new "2" years to write something and "2" years to get a higher degree e.g. DR. if you want.. once you live in a healthy life style, you only new 40 when you reach to 80...
the point is that when people think 100 years is only 50, then you will know what's important..what you really want to do this life time...

5. 'blue party' is a theory, a book, a right to humanbeing for their 2010 age 'freedom' , especially in developed countries. If all the presidents/ leaders said the same things that their govenment money are not enough? question: where is the money on the earth going to? we used money created new tech, money lossed in time, we should pick up
"time" resource/awards to everyone. we need to invent to new 'time' system based on scientists calculation, and our own feel and personal claim/ adjusting choice..

6.much more...

manjia
www.manjiamusic.com.au

Wow...a lil bit of controversy up there as I was reading some comments but the bottomline is well defined,thank you Derek

You are an inspiration my good man.

Good on you Derek for staying positive throughout - you are an inspiration :) And I'm very glad things are now going your way :)

Derek, This happened to you? Where are you now and are you on your feet?ok?

Wow, that was quite a year! You've articulated it so well! I'm producing a documentary based on surviving or thriving? Most of my life was spent achieving big things, it took me ages to figure out I was surviving. Its my first documentary and its forcing me to go to places I didn't know existed, thanks for your raw honesty, You keep inspiring! Hope to meet you in London this summer

Awesome Derek. inspiring.
Thanks.

Wow Derek, thanks for such an 'open wound' of a blog post. You've made some difficult choices and faced some difficult consequences. Anyone else might have given up; you took lemons and made lemonade. Kudos.
I think the thing I admire most about you is your willingness to take a chance and even make a rash decision. My partner's been out of work for two years and soon his unemployment will be cut by over three quarters. We have about 5 months savings. I want to launch a business importing these great quality ukuleles, but I have been afraid to try it. Maybe I need to turn that fear into an opportunity. You are certainly a role model for that. I wish you healing from all that has happened to you, and a lotta love, which you deserve! Thanks for the wonderful life lessons. Considered writing a book??

Recently several of the placement companies SongNet feeds into asked why I haven't submitted any of my own stuff.
The reality is, I have failed. I lost my way decades ago, & have become so used to rejection I don't even bother trying.
Because of that, I have been able to help others not suffer the same fate, becoming an encouragement by way of a warning.
It's true that when you're at the bottom you can only look up, & for some of us, raising our hands to keep others from falling further is the best we can do.
Fortunately, you can do much more, & you are finding ways to climb out.
Rock on!

It's called Murphy's Law. Life sometimes seems a horror/drama script from a terrible film. SHall we scripted for a film. Mine is for few years going wrong. We Hindu believe destiny is written. But I don't believe thats way. I will never give up till my dead to change/make my own destiny.

'A gem is not polished without rubbing, nor a man perfected without trials.'

Chinese proverb

Thank you so much for this insight, Derek.If these were medieval times you would be revered for your wisdom.Perhaps we could and should all learn from our ancestors.

sometimes when life deals you a body blow you realise how strong you can be. . certainly makes you appreciate life more, when you reach the bottom there is one way to go when you realise you are at the bottom, and that is . . UP

I find your posts very insightful and yet full of humility.

Thanks for writing.

Man Derek! That story couldn't have come at a better time for me.

Peace & Love
Matt

today is the day i read about apple iphone in UK being refunded due to a minor technical fault.I remember it was the same day i was going to Apple in Milton Keynes to orgsnise an IT programme to sort out my own Film, music and arts programme/web site. 200 people excitidly were queing for this iphone or ipad and i decided to shop for food instead. I have spent a year anticipating the technical skills and tring to find someone to do it for me so it was a big day for me- cold shower- full tank of petrol. I was going to learn film editing and download my photos of the "art" (volcanic clay cleanse) that i was going to develop into a 6.30 min music video that i composed 2 yrs ago and combine iridiology and health issues to this cleanse/healing technique to end this collection of paintings i,ve also done-mayans-slicks-spitfires and volcanoes.The article in the newspaper i will now phone tomorrow and let them know that during their failure it is "part of" my art as it was a special day for me and the work was connected in some way to their technical fault.I have an exhibition in the west county near the crop circles in 3 month so it would be a refreshing article if i let the papers know-The gallery where the lady wanted me to exhibit was their first day of opening and was previously a book store-she warmly agreed to having my art there and i,ve never exhibited before. Obviously i cannot sell anything as the value is unaffordable even to the confident art collector as i,ve contsructed a contract where i still own a percentage of the work due to "dark" reasons as the work is still my responsibilty if in someone elses hands- the works is mine and my spiritual guides- nobody can pay their way into my work unless they openly feel responsible for myself and the future. i maybe will not paint anymore even though this was a brief stint.It is funny that i believe my website still shows advertising and just has that humerous junky feel about it and how it would all change if it was re developed becoming innocent to notorious and even provoking-sorry to gossip too much, i,m just so excited.Yes that would work as a slow Ballad that song...Lets audition the vocalist and it can be part of the future.Take care all of you and try and look into -sport/art- ways where one can be entertained and still feel part of the collective. I.e swimming and watching a film-it pausing for one length-spoken word- maybe a podcast the other. The waiting for each other to complete the length involving subtle comradship

Hi Derek -
Thanks so much for sharing this. My life has been what seems like a constant struggle for a few years now. I've made the change from the 9-5 to being self-employed and although it's not easy, I wouldn't go back for anything. I'm far from on the "other side" but thanks for reminding me that I'm closer and it's still there waiting for me and worth the struggle. Hope you're enjoying some awesome travels.
Take care, Katie

Inspiring as always, Derek - thanks for sharing... and Legalzoom.com is a great tip.

All the best,

Bobby

Hey Derek,

I never knew. It's always interesting to get the other side of the story.

I'll always remember and be thankful for you turning down an indie label, that I had the misfortune of signing with, requesting for CD baby to stop selling my CD because they believed me to be in breach of contract. Thank you for telling them that you would continue selling my CD unless they provided you with something from a court of law.

We all have to make changes. I'd like to hear the full "CD Baby Story" at some point. I had cancer in 2003 and had a piece of my colon taken out. CD Baby didn't make you, you made CD Baby. Make something else...

Derek,

Wrote you a private note. I get it in a way you will likely understand after you read it.

Be well... and Happy 4th of July!
Matt

Wow. What a year for you. I've just started my life change after being laid off. I saw the writing on the wall years ago but didn't make a change because I wasn't sure what to do about it. I'm still not sure where I'm going or what I'm doing from here. Either my dream job doesn't really exist in the same way that I wanted it a couple years ago or it is entirely out of reach and I don't see a pathway of getting there. Either way I know I'm making a change. And sometimes change is welcomed.

Oh Derek - I've been loving the way your brain works since I first came across CD Baby in 2001... and I've loved learning about your openness and your unending hunger for the things that feed your personal evolution. Your writings continuously inspire me. Thanks for shaking up the status quo in the best possible ways!

Wow! and here I thought you lived a charmed life. I wish you didn't have to sell CD Baby though,it is not the same since you left. Changes have been made that I don't like and I believe it is reflected in falling sales, could be just me but I don't think so.

Thank you, you always make me think.

Your life story would make an interesting movie... with your present wife as the happily ever after.

Are you planing on having kids? Or would rather not say?

Yes loss does lead to growth but only if you allow your pain to be a motivator to stay focused. I too had a similar experience and now I am living out my dreams from the losses and using all of my experience to write great songs. Isn't life grand and full of surprises?

Blessings to you on your journey, you are a good soul!

Kim

I am now more motivated.
Thank you

My worst year? Pick one--Get up early, spend all day at a boring, tiring job with sub-literates. Best year? Hurt my back and was out on disability for 11 months.

Heh!

Every moment is "the other side".

Derek, your CDBaby was a beautiful thing. Like many good things, it didn't last forever, but it was a good thing nonetheless. Thank you.

So you have gained something better through your loss--and the company you started to help others is still doing that.
Keep on looking ahead optimistically and enjoying the process--that is a far greater treasure than anything you have lost.

Derek,

I ran across a story about you and CD Baby years ago. It was not the company but it was the man behind it I found interesting. You are strong, intelligent and a leader in many ways. Sorry to hear about such a bad year in 2007.

Every once in a while I pick up on an article or story about you and check it out. You don't need my encouragement. But I'll say it anyway... stay strong, do what you do, and keep sharing. It inspires more than you can know.

Jason

I feel sad for you. You've done so much for all of us and I don't think anyone knew how much you went through. Like always, I'm sure there's two sides to everything, but I can't imagine someone pulling through all that so well. Your future should only get better after things happening so badly to you. I believe all bad things work for the good and things will go better for you as time goes on.

thank you for being open, vulnerable, and human. I also love your photograph of the bridge to the ocean. Peace, Love, Music & Inspiration to you and your loved ones

PS - Never underestimate how your words affect others. peace

Impermanence can be disconcerting but usually turns one inward becoming a blessing.

Got any other businesses for sale? (lol) Just learning experiences along the way! If we learn from them, no longer have to repeat, but if you didn't hang on to your hat, they'll be coming at ya again. So while you're enjoying your other side, have no regrets about what it took you to get there because hopefully you learned enough not to have to repeat the class over again.

It is nice over here. Glad you made it and are still in the mood to keep giving....

wonderful, to the point, not too wordy, not too short. i appreciate how open you are and how you share the conclusion and wisdom that you draw from these experiences!

love, peace and calm.

Oliver

Hi Derek,

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that.
Those traumatic experiences can leave great wells of sadness within. How courageous of you to share it and to have emerged from it like the phoenix from the ashes.
Hearing your stories gives me courage and makes me ask myself important questions.

Blessings,

Kathryn

My friend Derek,
2007 WAS a bad year. Past tense. January of that year the last of the three standard treatments for my form of cancer quit working. I had run through the first two in about half the time that other folks do. I was told to get my affairs in order.
My test numbers were telling me that I was not long for this world and they continued to get worse.
Then, an experimental drug sequence, a drug trial, started about an hour away, in Louisville.
The doctors now tell me that I "tolerate" the chemo better than anyone else in the trial.
And, I'm still here. Still writing songs. Still playing music. Still standing on stage and in the lights.
And still taking chemo; two weeks on, two weeks off. For life. But life is what I'm HERE for.
You have it right, Derek, never let go, never give up, never give in. We, your friends that you've never met face to face, are with you. I've read your other writings. You give us at least as much as we give you. Thank you for sharing your life with us, for you inspire all of us to lead our lives with courage, vigor, and hope.
Hugs,
Paul

This is a very great and brave thing for the founder of CD Baby, Derek Silvers to share. One of the greatest lessons of human history is demonstrated by the life of Helen Keller, one of the greatest people of human history: True manhood and womanhood is not measured by the things we possess or the things we achieve but rather, it is measured by what we overcome. This places us all on an equal and level playing field before God, country, our peers and the global community at large. There is no particular shame in making unintentional mistakes, which all of us frequently do, but rather, shame lies in not learning from our mistakes and correcting our ways, accordingly. This is the largely unlearned message of Pete Seeger's famous line, "Oh, when will we ever learn?" and the Civil Rights anthem he helped push to the forefront of the American conscience, "We Shall Overcome". Any songwriter, musician or just a music fan with no aspirations to be either, can learn by Pete Seeger's example of what music is really all about or at least, should be all about, which is inspiring each other to strive to overcome whatever is in the way of human rights, justice, peace and freedom.

Very profound thank you for sharing; I only hope it works for me andmy family!

God bless

By chance, do you have a link to a higher-res version of that image?
The original is here, on Flickr. — Derek

(Would love to use it as an inspiring wallpaper)

Derek, you are an inspiration and a generous soul. I wish you continued success and rich happiness. God has more for you and a higher purpose than you have ever imagined....write on!!!

Thanks for sharing your story!

Julie

The measure of what we are able to receive...is judged by what we are able to release.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story, Derek.

I think I would have liked to hear what you might have done to prevent all those things from happening, knowing what you know now. What would you have done differently, now that you are on the back side of it all? Or were all of these things just stuff that happened and would not have been preventable?
That's what I'm still learning, and will write about everything I've learned. — Derek

It's always good to hear of other people's struggles. It makes you realize you are not alone. If you are tyying to better your life (or not) it goes in cycles. If you don't run from the responsibility with drugs or alochial you will learn and grow from it. I just try to stay positive and ride the wave because everything changes. I take a lot of deep breaths and continue to love myself no matter what. I don't like the attitude and saying "Get over it". I don't allow those people in my life who think and live under this guise because they are insensitive and have stopped growing on a deeper level.

Powerfully Nice !

Nice....thanks for sharing.....
Have a wonderful day!

Maybe that's why I've always felt a connection with you - you are an overcomer and have learned to thrive in the process. And, you want to share that process in a way that encourages others to do the same. I really appreciate your ability to be candid and vulnerabile without dishing dirt on others. Bravo.

hey, brave of u to advertise/share your trials and challenges as u seem a winner over all. So important and a beacon for others on a progress path to know that times are hard, u do need to trudge thru the sludge at times and it's all part of the magical mystery tour...

Wow, reminds me of the "You've Got a friend" song by Carol King. "They'll take your soul if you let them, don't you let them." When these things happen to us,you do learn who your true friends are. I have a Friend.....Dawn

Some thought: Do You Matter, if you care to read.
http://thesingingnurse.com/do-you-matter/

Derek,

In a world filled with online narcissists, people like you, who are willing to bare it all about their personal losses, are rare and valuable. Sharing your story is act of courage, but also an act of great generosity.

Thank you, man. You're the kind of guy I would work with in a second.

G.

The Real Road to Salvation

The Real ROAD....is a pathway you can walk. It is a group of Bible verses from the book of Romans And the New Testament. If you walk down this road you will end up understanding how to be saved. Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."We all have sin in our hearts. We all were born with sin. We were born under the power of sin's control.- Admit that you are a sinner. Romans 6:23a "...The wages of sin is death..." Sin has an ending. It results in death. We all face physical death, which is a result of sin. But a worse death is spiritual death that alienates us from God, and will last for all eternity. The Bible teaches that there is a place called the Lake of Fire where lost people will be in torment forever. It is the place where people who are spiritually and physically - dead remain.- Understand that you deserve death for your sins. Romans 6:23b "...But the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Salvation is a free gift from God to you! You can't Earn this gift, but you must reach out and receive it.- Ask God to forgive you and save you. Romans 5:8, "God demonstrates His own love for us, in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us!"When Jesus died on the cross He paid sin's penalty. He paid the price for all sin, and when He took all the sins of the world on Himself on the cross, He bought us out of slavery to sin and death! The only condition is that we believe in Him and what He has done for us, understanding that we are now joined with Him, and that He is our life. He did all this because He loved us and gave Himself for us! Acts 2:38 is how God’s gift is applied!- Give your life to God... His love poured out in Jesus on the cross is your only hope for real forgiveness and change in your life today. His love bought you out of being a slave to sin. His love is what saves you -- not religion, or church membership, or self justification, or excuses! God loves you!Note: You must understand that the love of God buying us out of being a slave to sin is not an automatic process just because we say we believe in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ and pray the sinner’s prayer! This has been one of the best lies handed down to us from Satan through false teaching. Romans 10:13 "Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved!" - Call out to God in the name of Jesus! Romans 10:9,10 "...If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, you shall be saved; for with the heart man believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation."- If you know that God is knocking on your heart's door, ask Him to come into your heart. Jesus said,Revelation 3:20a "Behold I stand at the door and knock, if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him..." - Is Jesus knocking on your heart's door? Repent…. Means to turn from sin and turn to God. Repentance means that you have died to your own self will and identified with the death of Jesus Christ!Water baptism in Jesus Name is the second step that You are serious about being joined to Jesus. Baptism in Jesus Name is identification with the burial of Jesus Christ – for the forgiveness of sins! This is an action, and actions will not save you. However, it is an act of obedience to the word of God, and it is a symbol of commitment. The third step is to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost according to Acts 2:1-4, 38, Acts 10:44-48, and Acts 19:1-7! When you do this you have identified with the resurrection of Jesus Christ thus believing in and obeying the death, burial, and resurrection making the initial salvation conversion complete!

I love you for sharing this Derek. I really do. This type of openess will empower and have great positive reverberations among the many who already think the world of you. Nothing replaces the truth! Thanks for....for trusting!
Hallelujah! :-)

Life seems to work in cycles, I can totally relate to this. One thing I noticed is that every time it happens, in my experience, the next time is always easier to deal with and may not be as bad as the previous.

What I mean by cycles, is that I have some pretty bad years that happened to come in 1995,1998,2001 and somewhat in 2008.

Having to learn the hard way is an education in itself, in life's choices. Sometimes they lead you down the wrong path, but for every set back, I have found a milestone to bring me back on course.

I thought the article was great, a very inspiring way to move forward..

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences, my life is about to change massively, my wife is pregnant and i am giving up a little bit the dream of making a living out of my music, but, i just got accepted at Le Cordon Bleu, I´m going for a baking and pastry certificate, who would have thought! hahahaha i guess, in the end everything will be just fine...

hey Derek,

I had to read to see what this article was, I generally am busy and can't read every article, but I must say you wrote it in a perfect timing. I myself am seeing life in a new way now, seeing how silly we can all be when we get successful and lack appreciation for what we have. The key is to be grateful and use one's resources to their best.
It's all in the mind and ultimately, those who push through will win, and life will be good on the other side.

Dan David

Derek, what's happening with Muckwork, is it going to go live at some point?

Best

C. x

Awesome. It only took you a year to realize that you are human, and now you've grown. Imagine how many others go through their entire lifetime without ever realizing this?

I consider it a miracle. For me, that was 2009. Almost the same. I'll have to tell you about it sometime... Divorce, loss, and all that jazz. The constant was the music. And now? Where is life now?

Wow. Thanks for sharing this and so many of your other stories. Glad you're enjoying the other side.

Now I'm just trying to process the implications of this...

One reason I've worked with CDbaby for several years even though there are similar companies that appear to have access to more markets was that I've always assumed they'd kept/shared your ideals as I'm a huge fan of your philosophy. It's very disturbing to think you parted on ugly terms.

thank you so much for sharing your experiences and most of all, for be so truthful, sincere and honest about yourself for all the world to see.....we are so encouraged and strenthened by your experiences.....keep well, derek

thank you so much for sharing your experiences and most of all, for be so truthful, sincere and honest about yourself for all the world to see.....we are so encouraged and strenthened by your experiences.....keep well, derek

Totally touched moved and inspired. I still have very happy memories of visiting you in Woodstock.
Love.
Paul.

♫♪I made it through the rain♫♪ And found myself respected♪♫by the others who Got rained on to♫and made it through♪♫☺

By the sheer amount of posts with positive and encouraging messages I had to scroll down to write my message I say that you are doing pretty great and bounced back quite nicely.
Anyone who has many friends who care for him is indeed a rich man.
:)

It's the learning that matters most, that makes us expand our capacity for becoming more than we were yesterday. Your power of manifestation hasn't gone anywhere; the life you create in the future will be a manifestation of more than you created before, because you will be more. That can only be true for someone who incorporates what they've learned from their losses. So I look forward to everything you're going to share about what you've learned. There will be many levels to those lessons too; just when you think you've figured out something, you'll discover a deeper truth about it. It could take a couple of years, but it's SO worth the exploration.

Side note - I don't think the investment losses represent any great lesson in themselves; our investments are always subject to the market's condition. Just because they lose value doesn't mean we invested unwisely. My personal intuition is that your investment losses were simply part of the bigger experience life held for you in 2007.

There are many examples in history of great leaders who made it all and lost it all, then made it all over again. I happen to think you'll be one of them.

Cheers for all the comments you have received.

I, too, have recently had similar circumstances where I had to make massive changes since 2008.

Good to know I'm (you're) not alone in this. It's 20% unemployment here and I was forced to start my own business: survived year one! My fiancee of seven years was never getting around to getting married, so I broke that off (no furniture in my home as I gave up mine for hers). I dropped out of my MBA program (I may drop back in) because it seemed like I was getting educated to accept (literally) business as usual, where that paradigm obviously isn't working.

I appreciate what you did with CDBaby: it was a good stepping stone for my band and my songs.

Moving on after difficulties such as yours is not easy. I had 2 bad years and am still struggling with the comeback -- still in the process of re-inventing myself.

Thanks for the article -- I "get it" that you are simply letting us know that things will get better, we simply must hang in their, and give it time!

Derek-

Wow. You went toe to toe in the Octagon of the 2007. I am glad you made it out of that Arena.
I just asked for a member of my family to reach out more to my aunt. She just had a heart attack from chocking on a snack. Her mind went out of her control and she lives in foster care. her kids live a long highway away. No friends call or visit.She has progressively lost interest in listening to music.She just sits all day long quiet and alone. With a pained anguished look on her face. She is mother's twin and well mom is one or two streets away from her sister mental health wise.My father has taken care of her all this time after brain no longer communicated with Houston control.
I promised my dad I would watch over her if he passed first. Everybody tells me it will be wear and tear on me. My sister would rather see her die first so "we"
don't have to deal with her. I love my mom. I don't want her to go to a foster care home. I don't want her homeless. I don't want her to burn the house down by leaving a burner on. I don't want a legal battle over who is control of the estate that would wind up in the court's hands forever. yes it will be unpleasant and terse.She gave birth to me and tried her best to guide me. She supported me when others laughed at me. I don't care about the money I care about her.

many thanks-

Charles

Great story Derek. I have over the last 3 years lived a similar situation with two of my startups. Not fun. I have walked away from the day to day operations, to let my office bound partners drive it to market.

I have turned myself around to shooting photography as my life's last work journey (I should have done this 25 years ago, instead of working in film and vfx)...

The lessons I have learned are:
1. Never have partners DIYDIYDIY
2. Have a maximum 2 month development period
3. Constantly assess and iterate to what your customers want...Not what YOU think the market wants.
4. Life is not all work, fun is important too:)

Thanks Derek for your blog, I gain much wisdom from it.

very inspiring thank you!

Thanks for sharing this story. Sometimes the view can be an envious one from the outside looking in on someone who has gone through all of this and has come out peacefully on the other side. You, your story, who you were and who you are hold tremendous weight in my life. I will continue to learn from you.

Best wishes and many blessings Derek.
D

Failures give us time to think again about our mistakes...that's what I think about failures.

I guess the upside is that you clear out all of those people in your live that only cared about what you were and not who you were... kinda like that scene with Eddie Murphy in Trading Places when he's got his new found cash and apartment and everyone is there for the ride... he kicks 'em all out and he's alone... but, now he know where he stands... and so do you.
Count me as one who's hangin'.
Best,
e

Hey Derek,

4 years ago, the man I had been married to for 13 years, whom I was madly in love with, woke up and said "I'm leaving." And did. He left me and the kids with 2 houses, tons of debt and poverty level income. He cut off all communication and has never contacted the kids. Then I contracted lyme disease and have been unable to work for over a year...I am just starting to recover emotionally and physically--not sure what will happen financially, but it is encouraging to know there is another side.

Hi Derek,
First of all was kind of surprised to see what you went through. As per your earlier-other blog, on why you sold your company, you never hinted about the other reasons like 'mutiny' etc,

Well, glad to see you came out of that year, much stronger, anyway.

But wonder, why you could not fight the mutiny directly a) The technicality you mention of 90% of your company not being yours b) Avoiding confrontation with people you liked.
(The reason I ask this is that me too being a majority owner of my company, think can learn from your situation. Just in case ...)

PS: Am sure, you will remember me instantly, from my email, as we have exchanged a few emails.

Well written experience of life’s trials and tribulations Derek, and know where you are coming from as have experienced similar in our journeys also. However, what we have gained out of it all at the end of the day is experience, and then when that door closes and another opens, we are now prepared not to make the same mistakes in the new journey, whether it be Business, Relationship or friendships.
And yes; we all underestimate our ability to massively change our life when it's gone off track.
Say “no” where you used to say “yes”. Say “yes” where you used to say “no”. Do the thing that scares you the most, then get up and go.

Derek, thanks for this! It certainly gives me a very different perspective! :)

Hi Derek,
Thanks so much for sharing this with us. My gut feeling was that when you sold CDBaby you were indeed losing something you created and nurtured much like a child. To have it all happen in circumstances like this should have turned almost anyone into one cold person with much anger. Your constant vision and drive to what is beyond this obstacle and pulling yourself up by the bootstraps is what keeps me going too. I admire you and most of all enjoy your friendship and all you do for everyone. Well I gotta go, today I have to take a finance coarse as part of my filing bankruptcy. Will let you know how it goes.

Derek - Never knew all that was BEHIND the sale....in fact, it saddned me greatly when I heard! You were(& ARE) the best! All the best to you, my friend!

Hey Derek,

I love your honesty!! It's funny how it's easier to be that way a long time after the fact.
I, like most people have experienced something similar and as devastating.
Back in the early 90's I was hired by Bad Co. to be the bassist. As you can imagine it was unbelievable!! Playing in front of 20,000 people a night with 2 of the legends of rock.
It was all good...6 figure salary, free equipment, respect of your peers and family. My confidence was at a all time high.
Then after 3 years it all went horribly wrong. Right before I was to be made a member (7 Figures) there was a power struggle between the new singer and the original members. I sided with the obvious Mick and Simon because the ARE Bad Co.
Well needless to say the record company won out and sided with the singer.
I was out..wow it all happened so fast. I tried to use my connections, but no one needed a bassist at the time. Then I did a downward spiral which included a divorce and losing custody of my daughter.
I was a mess.
It took me a long time to get back on track. I'm not going into the details, but for 10 years I wandered aimlessly.
My biggest mistake is that I compared BC for my ultimate happiness. Not Good!!
What I've found now is a balance of family(Awesome Wife), friends and music. 3 years ago at the age of 47 I took up Nylon String Guitar and have released 2 solo CD's. I play acoustic solo 6-7 times a week playing a cool mix of Latin Jazzy music which includes a lot of my own stuff.
I'm all about DIY...Which I got several ideas from you..thanks
My career is in my own hands now and it feels good.
Paul

Thank you for sharing your story.

I have just quit my job after 26 years without having another job in the wings. "In this economy, are you crazy?" Maybe a little, but sometimes in life you just know when you have to change your life and have the courage take those leaps.
I wrote a song call "Bridges, or Dungeons or Wide, Wide Open Fields" which all about this topic.
Life can be a bridge where you in the process of moving from one place to another. It can be a dungeon where you feel trapped with no way out. Or, it can feel like a wide open field where you are searching for your direction with no sense of direction. None of the 3 places is comfortable but these uncomfortable stages all help push us eventually move on to the next place we are destined to go.
I loved your photo of the bridge because that is where I am now and you remind me to push forward out of my comfort zone to where I want and need to be.

Thanks for sharing your story. R

Been watching your posts, especially since you left cdbaby. This is the most revealing. Thanks for such insight. I believe in your philosophy that says "we'll see"...if you live your life that way you become like the stone that has been worn smooth by rough waves, like the willow in the wind...that bends. Thanks Derek;-)

There's an underlying principle in your story that is critically important - You are 100% responsible for all of your outcomes.

You could look at your experiences and dwell on how they done you wrong. On how it's not your fault. On how you're just the victim of circumstance.

And perhaps, in the process, you had moments like that - it's human.

But the overriding communication in your article is that in each moment, you are responsible for your choices and the outcomes of those choices are yours.

I want to encourage you to come at the perspective from a place of forgiveness and not self-blame. Being unable to accept congratulation may be because you're assigning fault to yourself.

Responsibility is not about fault - it's about your ability to respond and take ownership of both your response and your outcomes resulting from that response.

Thank you for being such a beautiful teacher.

Love,
Debra

I didn't know about your struggle when selling CDBaby. Really, I felt disappointed when CDbaby was sold. I used to enjoy the way businesses were conducted there (although I barely sold any of my CDs). I also have a hard time to agree with (or to understand) Seth's advise to you, on selling CDBaby. Maybe, the biggest challenge for you would be to keep your company while being detached from its own development (sort like parents helping their baby to become, each day, more independent).

Thanks for this. Needed to hear something on these lines. Been putting off a massive change in thinking & actions for too long (i.e. too much of one, not enough of the other... not to put too fine a point on it).

Yet another amazing story, and incredibly inspiring. By your making really large mistakes or suffering through hard times, you probably learned a lot more than if you hadn't made them at all. You are more the wiser for it: personally, business-wise, on all levels. This is why you will be successful at whatever you do. None of these things are really failures: they are just alternative roads to future success. It's all about perspective.

It's at the exact point when you think TIME is your worst enemy... that it starts becoming your best friend.

LxoJ

thanks for telling your story, Derek. all your main points are very well taken. I really needed to hear this story. you have to live through, learn and move on. I hope we keep learning the best things til we're 100.

Thanks Derek.

There are many who would love to be a part of a new company.

Yes, I think is difficult but is right. Sometime one feel very lonely, but sure we are in a right way. After all we walk in an aside path. I m here too.

Thank you for sharing this story Derek and for continuing to inspire us all. Peace.

Daym Derek,,, i never thought it was like that! i remember when CD Baby first opened and i was in jamaica on some simular ish with the wife and all... then you guys called and thanked me for sending you my music, i thought it was the greatest thing at last our distribution problems out of the way and we can finally make money off our original music... then life came and set in... and its an ongoing realization that some people you just cant work with and it will bring you down no matter how much you think it wont it will. but we still here!!!! :)

Derek with all due respect, why did you get married again this past year? To me it seems like government involvement in your love life is a lesson you missed after your 2007 wife took your life savings. Hopefully this time you just announced "marriage" but really kept the government out of it...

That is HEAVY!! Props to you for keeping a POM and moving on!!!

Oh Man! WELL SCREW HER, you're way better off without her, she cheated you she"ll cheat him to. She'll probably end up giving him some nasty disease. As for the business coupe the morons will likely run it into the ground, you can buy it back or start another.When they have squandered all you built and are broke and starving, you can show you magnanimity and send their starving greedy asses cans of soup.

Hi Derek,

This post was referred to me by a good friend. My most recently published post was regarding how I've been feeling my world has been crumbling around me and how difficult it has been for me to keep focused on my dreams of becoming a successful entrepreneur. I've known that the feelings that I have been wading through are only temporary and I will be able to overcome any obstacle, but it's especially uplifting to have reassurance through a post like this. Thank you for helping me continue to strengthen my commitment. Great blog.

re #37: Horace also wrote: "A heart well prepared for adversity in bad times hopes, and in good times fears for a change in fortune."

re #164: A mutiny or revolution of good intent may indeed effect a change, but it may not produce the desired results; rather, it may produce consequences far worse than the situation against which mutiny or revolution is rallied.

I am reminded of a fable ascribed to Aesop: "The Frogs Who Desired a King." The frogs, having become discontented with their peaceful life in the pond, demanded Zeus send them a mighty king. They were unhappy with the benign log which Zeus threw them to be their king, and demanded another. So Zeus sent them a stork instead, which began to devour the frogs. The frogs now had the change they had demanded, and began to suffer the consequences.

Thank you. This has been a really bad year for me and your blog somehow make me feel better about the future.

Doing things that scare you the most is awesome. Frog for breakfast, the expression I learned from you :)

and.. thank you for sharing your story with us, as always!

big hug,
Marina

:)

from someone who has been down that dark road and come back into a new light with a new life so much better than the last, "Amen, Brother".

"Do something everyday that scares you." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Hi Derek !
Wow, That is an amazing story!
What are you doing these days ?
Peace,
BT

Hello Derek,

Although you wont probably check this response, I cant tell you how much what you wrote is moving me towards the believe I am bulding on myself in order to get the balls to do what I think is important to me, instead of what I think would be the best for my life (or financial life). Really. Than you. I needed to read this (and the other post about doing what makes you excited in life... it became my desktop pic and daily mantra).

Best,

Gil

Thanks Derek, I somehow feel that it took a lot for you to share this, knowing that to are speaking to many who took the ride with you before.
My story is nothing compared to yours, but I too am embarking on a whole different ride. I'm a little apprehensive, but determined.
Keep sharing, please.Peace & Blessings

Wow Derek! Quite a poignant post. As I stand at a precipice of life myself it comes well timed. Thanks for your openness and enduring spirit. It was what I needed.

Thanks for the amazing inspiration! I had no idea of all that you went through but I know that usually when we are going through stuff it's hard to make sense of it all and tell the story. Thanks for telling the story. Don't be afraid of storms -you know how to sail your ship! (I didn't think of that saying but I like it).

Derek,

You are wonderful for sharing your wisdom with others. I believe all of us go through some crazy ordeals in our lives...and if we learn from them then anything can happen. I myself have been going through some very big ups and downs...and currently am in the process of a major change.

Reading this made me feel like I am on the right track. Thanks, and keep doing what you do!!

Thanks for this amazing story. It really opened my eyes!

I will, thanks.

At what point in life do you feel it's to late to just say no the ruts we fall into over the journey of life and venture into the unknown or is it ever to late to make a dramatic life change?

Thank you for that inspiring article, Derek. A friend (David Cutler) forwarded it to me, and it was wonderful to hear of yet another success story--of someone losing everything, and continuing on to rebuild.
I am an American theater director who has been running a company in Norway for the past 2 years. In the past few months, I have been engaged in a legal dispute with the former owner, over his violation of the non-competition clause in our business contract, as well as improper use of my intellectual property.
To date, he has taken over my company in a hostile manner. Changed the locks on the building. Thrown me out of my office and residenc (in the same property). Threatened me with lawsuits if I don´t "keep quiet," where he will "take me for everything I´ve got." And left me with no financial compensation whatsoever, even though the company is worth 3.5 million nok / year (when I took over the company 2 years ago, its total net worth was 2 million nok / year).
To say the least, the experience has been terrorizing, traumatic, depressing, horrific.
It has also been humbling. I have discovered who my true allies are, who my community is here, who my "family" is in Norway. I have been adopted by a strong community of friends, colleagues, loved ones.
We are all taking action, within the law. We are going to the appropriate authorities, making the proper complaints, practicing patience, ethical behavior, dignity. We are displaying courage, hope, faith, and keeping each other´s spirits up.
Further, I have created a new program for the coming 2010-11 year, that in many ways is BETTER than the one that was ripped from my grasp last month. I have reached out, and allies have been there. I have imagined, and the world has said, "Yes." I have ceased clamoring over how this is all "unfair", and begun the process of rebuilding.
Alchemy. Turning lead into gold.
The phoenix rises from ashes, not from dancing flames.
Winston Churchill once said that success is going from failure to failure without losing one´s enthusiasm.
So.
What I thought was going to be my plan back in 2008 is no longer on the table. Okay. Make a new plan. Whatever it takes.
(that´s being an artist, an entrepreneur, a risk-taker, a hero)
Thanks, Derek.
--Brendan

Sounds brutal. Hope your current path is taking you to better places.

Derek...thanks for sharing this. I've been struggling to make a very tough business decision over the past year. I wake up with it, and I go to sleep with it. Your story has made me realize that I've lost a year of my life to "worry and wonder" rather than action. Thank you once again for the inspiration buddy, your friendship means a lot to me. Joe

Derek,

As a musician your compnay helped me greatly and for that I am thankful. Your thoughtful inspirations helped me to think outside the box as an indie musician should.

As a teacher in California, I am experiencing great financial loss and a rattling of my personal mission. Numb at first, angry next and now trying to solve my probalem of income loss, I try to do something with an entrepreneur spirit daily.

You are obviously brilliant and the cream will rise!

Derek,
After reading your message, I can understand many things. Thank you for your courage and for sharing with us these episodes of life.
I'll stop immediately complaining because you're not at the head of CD Baby anymore. You had your own reasons and I respect.
Every bad moment or big change that I have experienced, some time later also taught me a lot about myself and about life. God bless you always and give you strength and serenity.

What I love most about this story is that you take ownership for a mistake that would normally be placed on the bank teller. This is a rare quality and shows humility. Nice one.

Derek, CD Baby will never be the same without you at the helm (I can testify to that) and that's their loss. Looking forward, you will have great success in life in everything that you do. That, my friend, I'm confident of!

I agree. When things are superbly low, it seems like the end of the world -- 'seems' is the operative word here, because it really is not the end of the world, it just *seems* like. :-)

I'm reminded of something which JK Rowling said in the speech she gave at Harvard a while ago - “The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive.”

WOW, amazing insight... i needed that

Derek,
Your post brings to mind a verse in the song "Gone on away from here" by the late Frank Mendenhall:

"Old man trouble came knocking at my door,
and he brought along his friends bad luck and hard times,
Now misery and pain... they want to move in too, I got to find some way on out of here ".

We must remain constant to an idea or purpose in the face of obstacles. The struggle goes on each day we get out of bed.
Many thanks... Peace and love

Robert

Hi:
I understand.
Barbara Dee

I found this link on facebook, and wanted to share that I've had major change as well. It started about 2 years ago when I was diagnosed with Crohn's, an autoimmune disease. I realized that I was unhappy with everything in my life. I went to massage school for a challenging 1.5 year program. 6 months in, my husband of almost 10 years wanted a divorce. I moved out with our 2 dogs, and continued working full time, and going to school. It took a year for the house to sell. I had to move into my parent's just before graduating. I finally found my new place, graduated, got licensed, and the crohn's symptoms went away. Decided to pursue my dream of recording a piano CD. The amazing, sexy, intuitive audio engineer and I started dating. He has been my man now for the last 9 months. I opened my own massage business. I've been doing massage full time as a career, performed my music often, and have had a creative explosive music writing process, and am finally finishing up my first CD. So thrilled! I never would have thought this is really where I would end up 2 years ago when not only my body, but also my spirit was sick. What a journey! :)

charles: go to tuscany :)

I know you read a lot so i will make it real short,It always on my heart !why did Derek sell HIS BABY!!! I was hurt so man I just can look to the sky wow wow wow! now I know, I feel good to know you just did not give it up,The World love you Derek your are one of my Hero keep on writing God Bless you.Haile MaskelI

A good friend of yours (and mine) described it thus:

"Sure, Derek made lots of money off the sale of CD Baby - but he earned every penny of it."

Thanks for your example, and your honest reporting.

Regarding #179 above and 8 out of 10 businesses fail. This is true, but the real comment is AFTER the failure.

In John C. Maxwell’s great book "Failing Forward" he says that the average number of failures for serial entrepreneurs is 3.8 times before they are successful in business. Entrepreneurs do not get deterred or see themselves as a failure. They see failure is a part of growing and learning, to become better entrepreneurs producing better products and competing in the world of business. Failure is really redefined as “testing,” you test and keep testing until you succeed.


"The turning point in the lives of those who succeed usually comes at the moment of some crisis through which they are introduced to their 'other selves.' " Napoleon Hill


If you have failed, there are three ways of looking at a failure:

1. Dwelling on failure - Don’t get “stuck” in the failure and hold on to the past.
2. Dealing with failure - Take ownership of your problems. Learn what you did wrong, and make the required changes. Redefine what failure is. It may have been something that’s happened to you, that is out of your control, but do not let a failure define who you are.
3. Denying the failure - By not facing your problem, you will potentially and repeatedly fail in the same way in the future. Failure should be defined as failing to learn from your failure.

As it has been said, “An unwillingness to learn from your mistakes is in itself a mistake.”

Press on, Derek.

Sometimes I wonder how did you manage to work when all that happened.

Recovering from the point one is excruciatingly tough.

That story should be a country Western song- whoa. That is quite a load to swallow.

Wow! I had no idea what you went through. Gonna read up on what you are up too now..

Thanks! Great story! Check this out! ‎30 Years ago last week I got out of a U.S. Air Force Hospital, Erhling Berquist USAF Regional Hospital. I had been hospitalized for 48 days for Crohn's Disease and had 7 blood transfusions. 1980 was a tough year: I lost my health, my career, my wife, and my home. Then slowly, over time, I got all back. Job comes to mind. If you want to ever know more about God's Grace, I have stories, and pics... Visit http://billslater.com/career

Derek - Your report from the other side of loss is an echo of pure hope & guidance for anyone in the middle of transformation.

You're a beautiful man for continually sharing your honesty here about what you've learned along the way.

Always,many thanks to you!

Hey Derek,

Had I known your 2007 was as bad as mine I would have commiserated sooner. :-) To think it couldn't get much worse may be a perception only. http://bit.ly/cYSZQX

Thank you!

Thanks for this poignant yet inspiring revelation of yourself. I will not continue to underestimate myself anymore. Best wishes to you.

Derek - I just want to say, "Thank you for being who you are."

Derek, I'm a longtime admirer, but this post of yours has perhaps done more for me personally than anything else I've read by you. My lesson here: success is relative.

I started playing cello at 3, piano at 10, guitar at 12, bass at 16. Started writing songs at 10, started my first rock band at 16. Thought I would be famous by the time I was 18. I'm glad now I wasn't. I wouldn't have been ready emotionally.

When I was 19, I was living in a big house with a bunch of friends. We had great parties, our bands played regularly, and we felt like we were going to change the world. I started working on my second rock opera concept. But my personal life was a mess and the band dissolved.

I got my bachelor's degree at 25, my master's at 29 -- both in electrical engineering. I became a software engineer working in 3D visualization of human anatomy. I was stimulated intellectually and finally making money. Music was a sideline.

At 35, my band, The Marzaks, released a CD, which we sold on CDBaby. We played a bunch of shows and went nowhere, but it was a valuable experience. At 38, I got laid off from my software engineering job.

At 39, my band, The Falsies, released its first CD, which we sold on CDBaby. We played in a local theater production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. I was Hedwig. It was a hit. The Falsies had some minor regional success.

Now, at 44, I make meager living as a musician -- mostly teaching and playing weddings. I work on more creative musical projects on the side. Sometimes I feel like a failure, but my personal life is shaping up.

Reading about your disastrous year reminded me that people who are successful in a worldly sense can still have personal failings. (Bill Clinton, anyone?) You've pointed out to me that you are still a work in progress, just like I am.

You and I are both successful in our own way. The more we work on those areas where we need work, the more success we'll see in those areas.

Thank you for everything you do.

Hi Derek! I'm still kicking - 2007 I had a guardian angle standing up for me - I've seen things happen around me 2007 - 2009 as good, today I know better. I will tell when/if I publish my writing. Take good care mate! Gunnar.

He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Man! You sent me this last july, and I'm just now reading it. In 2007 my 22 year union (wife, teenage kids, etc.), fragmented. Lots of drama and court crap later, I'm still trying to figure out how to get copyright or "license"/permission rights, to finish my CD of 11 cover songs and one original,(sheesh!). Your story blows me away, but mine is still effing with my heart and head. I love your stuff, and I have a need to finish my "rootsy" project. Thanks and power to ya bro. AL.

Great post Derek.. I completely agree. I mean, it's hard not to.. cause this is a motivational post.. but well said. :)

harsh and amazing., there's nothing like blowing everything completely out of the water!

I love looking back at the messages and knowing where I have been with people and who has been at my table.

Thanks for your sharing. I am learning. :)

KG/Singapore

Thanks for this one Derek...I've had a bad last 3 years and have started saying no to the yes's and yes to the no's...its refreshing!

Good of you to share this, thanks.

I didn't know your wife divorced you in the past Derek.

Nevertheless, this reminds me of the book - 'Who Moved My Cheese', where we are taught to move out of our comfort zone.

I believe that the only way to security is living dangerously and taking all the risk.

Thanks, Derek! I think I need this now...

Hi! I've been following your site for some time now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Huffman Texas! Just wanted to mention keep up the excellent work!

I missed this one 'til you posted the link for someone today. I'm laughing because it sounds so...like life!!! but I thought you always had everything under control and made sure nothing went wrong. Sheer will, you know. The photo and message are great.

Sounds like you were on offtrack

I'm in the biggest s@#t of my life now. Reading this gives me hope and makes me realize I'm not alone. Hopefully one day I can join you, and others, "on the other side" :)

Derek,

I so understand what you wrote about in sive.rs/loss especially last point.

My girlfriend I loved and dated for 3 years, decided to end the relationship 13 days into our 2 month vacation in Thailand, gone back to St. Petersburg, was proposed to (and accepted) by the guy she slept with and knew for the last 2 months. Now, that was a shock for me, I still can't get my heart to stop pounding so hard for 7 days, trying to understand how did that happen.

Your words give me strength and reason to believe if anyone gone through something like that, then I can too.

Keep up posting! Can't wait to read your next blog posts!

Pavel

Real estate bubble kills my business starting in 2008
Heart Attack in and open heart surgery 2012
File chapter 13 in 2013
Girlfriend leaves me for another man
2014 house fire destroys all I own
Put in jail on Arson Charge for 7 mos
Finally released and found not guilty
Twice failed at attempted suicide
Family and friends abandon me

The last 5-6 years have been rough, but
I keep moving on!

God Bless You

Paul Morton

Derek, thanks so much for this. I made such a stupid mistake with my biz and am a little crazy right now. This helped me lighten up on myself a little.

Hi Derek,

I lost my Mom last November. You and I recorded a birthday track for her 50th birthday. It was something we recorded in one afternoon that she cherished for decades. Anyway, Just wanted to reach out and let you know that you are one of the greatest talents I had the pleasure of collaborating with.

With everything you've been through.. I'm glad to see you are doing well!

Enjoy every minute brother! Ronny

At comment #291 Derek notes that catharsis (and other stuff) is for his diary, but this blog is for you. (We readers)

I can relate. I usually don't begin any comment with "Hi Derek" partly because I am writing for you. (us blog readers) I just feel it's more democratic to write to everyone here. Besides, some times I comment stuff that Derek specifically already knows.

I had no idea.

.... I had NO IDEA.

Yeah. That sounds familiar. In one year (2008-09) the market crashed and my income fell by 50% to 75%. Had a car crash, which ate any savings I had. The banks cancelled my credit cards. I couldn't pay my bills and lived in fear of losing my house. The band I sang with just stopped booking gigs. I lost one of my front teeth (a crown from 30 years ago) and had no money for the bridge I'd need ($3,000+). Can't sing at the mic when you whistle through the gap in your teeth. Couldn't pay taxes with money I didn't have.

Fast forward: Ten years later, I'm employed but still trying to dig out of the mess.

Many times in my life I have experienced the feeling that a big change was coming and my life would take a new direction. Most of those times, I've been right. I could use one of those times right about now.

I've admired you and your incredible inventive talents for a long time. It's reassuring that someone as gifted as you has been through the karmic ringer and come through the other side. Reading your history has given me renewed strength. I've been through rough times before. I can do this.

Thanks for the inspiration.

"Say “no” where you used to say “yes”. Say “yes” where you used to say “no”. Do the thing that scares you the most, then get up and go."

Awesome advice, thank you ,Derek.

Hi Derek,

Your content is just so authentic and eye opening...

...I have to say thank you.

We spoke last year...via email...

...I am the guy from Barbados that lives in Curacao.

That had ask you if you did mentoring...

But I must say...

Reading your book and website content and watching your youtube video "Uncommon Sense" series...

It has been priceless help for me.


Thank you for sharing.

Hope to hear from you again.

Even if its just to say...

Hi...I am alive😊


Regards

Rodney Bourne

P.S. Continue to Live, Love, Laugh, Learn and Leave your legacy

I think I'll follow Paolo Nutini's advice and put some new shoes on.

Thank you so much, Derek! Because everything you share!

I tossed everything up in the air to live in a field and build a THOW (tiny house on wheels) by myself. I'm now ( Now page in progress ;-) ) 8 months into it. Incredible ups & downs based on things I didn't consider: seasons, unexpected weather, bugs, my original personality, my transitional personality, ability to master power tools, pace and meditation (just a few). Finally, the placement of my last really big materials purchase, the hickory hardwood floor is happening. While sweating, swearing, and swatting I listened to you and Tim Ferriss talk about life(#125). Mesmerized by your even keeled voice and philosophies, I marveled at how long it's taken me (years on planet) to just be Able to understand the value in all your processes (mind, spirit). Just past Midnight, with another nail gun misfire, only 7 rows laid and the podcast ended, I gave up and climbed up to bed. I woke up unexcited about the day ahead. I read a little and remembered I was going to check out that cool, calm, collected, successful guy's books that really struck a chord. Wow!! Finding this excerpt , " My Loss" changed my whole outlook. I had no idea you had to pull out from under all this. Holy Shit!!
Thank you for your giving.

I love this post! You are awesome over there! Holly

Man, I really love your writing. Thanks Derek

I am amazed by how easily I can understand your messages. I'm used to spinning over & over again thoughts & logic influenced by other people's messages and ideas. But this is the first time in my life I've actually felt (FOR REAL) that I can learn & act immediately, this is crazy, sounds crazy, my life has changed completely since the first day I knew about you, I'm grateful Derek! Thank you so much for your sincerity and dedication, I won't ever forget to recommend your blog!

Your words often go straight to the heart, and create an impact by letting people not only think, but also feel.

I'm sure you heard it a million times, but thank you, once again. I personally am grateful that out of all the things you could be doing, you write and share it with the world.

I heard about you on The Minimalists’ podcast. I have always felt inadequate. I’m not quite what anyone is looking for in life or work... now I’m 55. Stuck. Sad. My mom died eight weeks ago. I was her caregiver. A horrendous lung disease with breathing treatments around the clock and copious mucous. Every day. I barely slept for six months. I wish I could have done better for her. I didn’t cope well. Now I’m struggling to get back up again. I still have a job. And can even work from home because of Covid. I don’t know what to be/do ... for work. I’m grateful to have found your website and other resources. Your rough year sounds excruciating. I’m so very sorry. I’m glad you got back up. I will try too ... with appreciation for the wisdom and lessons shared through your writing. Thank you :)

hello everybody,
I am reminded of the philosophy that every bad experience has a lesson in it; every cloud has a silver lining; when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.

Unfortunately, I think there is a scenario in our country that practical hard headed businesspeople don't believe in positive thinking or personal growth. Nonsense. Ask any executive you respect whether he believes in positive thinking: Of course he does.

As for growth and self-improvement, I was having a thanksgiving supper that included a fellow with his own business and 150 employees. He said, "Our biggest nightmare is firing a guy, who then realizes he needs to turn his life around, who then goes to work well for the competition."

When my company sends me on a training course, it's not so I can add a stack of facts and skills; no, it's so I can suddenly re-arrange those facts, integrate them, and change inside to be a better worker. Better attitude, better integrity, better leadership, and so forth.

I am reminded of the slogan "my attitude determines my altitude."

Like that fellow at supper, I'm a believer.

The greatest life works are full of ridiculously difficult scenarios for the ideal to be realized; one must clear all critical stages so we reach the top. Shall we enjoy looking down on those we surpass and outperform? It sure lonely above even God messed up.

You are most righteous and the thoughts, and ideas you share with the world are profoundly helpful. People need such insights you've given away for free a sustainable way of thinking about life. You are a miracle, Derek. Stay true to yourself. And thank you for being you.

You're one of kind, Derek.

I wonder why bad things often happens all at the same time.

I just found out about you. will be reading all your books. I'm so excited right now. I love your website! Your book made my day. Thank you.

DON'T JUMP!

...maybe I can relate...


...except I've stopped showering and sleeping....

Yes, it can be tough out there.
I almost died once of an illness.
I was in so much pain in the hospital that I prayed to die.
When I escaped, I remember being so grateful to just walk down a sidewalk.
I knew what some long-time inmates feel once they are freed.
I try to remember that feeling of gratitude for the simplest of life's pleasures to be happy.

Ok I think I'm gonna bookmark your site and read all of it.

I am reading your book, How to Live, and I love the little quick hitting different ways of thinking almost written like poetry. It has challenged my own way of thinking so that I consider different insights and nuances to life. Once you think you have everything figured out, life hits you with something that opens your eyes to how you need to change. I am currently going through a divorce and have hit some of my worst times mentally and emotionally. I finally had to decide that this person wasn't coming back to me and the marriage no matter how much I tried to forgive, change, and want to forget the past and build something better. Things can always get worst, but I still have trouble letting go even though I know I need to.

Hi Derek,

I admire you sharing honestly about ur story. I am looking to make massive change which is Total honesty for 2 months to see how my life improves. It feels scary, but the point has come where I am committed to making the change starting now. Will see how the next 2 months goes....

Looking to see the other side.